Sunday, November 30, 2008

This happened?

I was going to blog the Bears game but I can't get past the fact that they couldn't score from the 2 yard line 4 straight times and then gave up a 99 1/2 yard touchdown to an ex-player. Ughh.

Anyway, apparently Samford came to town for a game of basketball and left with a Big 12 Football score...59-22. (Davis drops yet another pass...followed by Hestor's drop)

Anyway, some interesting stats about this one. Their leading scorer had 8. 1 guy show free throws and was 2-3. They scored 6 in the first half. Take away their leading scorer at 4-11 and the rest of the team was a Sideshow Matt-like 5 for 37. (see every JV girls basketball game, actually don't)

Dammit, watching the Bears pisses me off so bad. Just once (it's been decades) I'd like to see one offensive skill player make a Pro Bowl. I think Neil Anderson was mentioned as the last running back to do so. There sure as hell haven't been any quarterbacks or wide receivers.

Thank you to the one commenter on a previous entry. Someone's reading!

The Bowl challenge is just around the corner.

(Sweet, a Bears interception...and touchdown!)

What is wrong with the Big 12

Keeping with the theme of this blog I'm going to point something out about the Big 12 that everyone seems to think is so great this year. Do any of them play any defense? Sure Oklahoma is the "hottest" team right now but they still gave up 41 points! Forty-one!!! That's not okay. Everyone says they're all so talented on offense but I can't name one defensive player that's worth a shit in that conference. (You might be able to, but I can't) These basketball scores are not okay. Ask the NFL. That's goes for you too Boise State. Ohio State gave up 35 to USC but that game had so many things wrong with it (one touchdown from a pick 6, the other from an all out pick).
Some other stats, Oklahoma gave up 35, 45, 28 twice, and 26 once. Texas gave up over 30 points 3 times this year as well.

As far as the BCS, I'm pretty sure Florida will beat Alabama and whoever the Big 12 picks. Florida actually has better defensive numbers. Should Alabama win both, they would join the '02 Buckeyes as the only other 14-0 team and we don't want that to happen do we?

(in other news, check out Hugh Johnson Project part 3, I got another quote in!

Friday, November 28, 2008

I don't even want to hear it

I'm watching the Fresno State @ Boise State (with shades on because of the blue turf) and as they lead 13-10 the announcers have mentioned that should it come down to a decision between picking Boise State or The Ohio State University "brand name" as they said, OSU will get the game. As. We. Should. College football has made it clear that the bowl system is about money, well would they like the game to sell out? Yeah, 2006 was great when they ran all those trick plays and beat OU and then some dude proposed to his cheerleader girlfriend (who I heard was 2 weeks pregnant)but it's a different team now. They're more of a Hawaii against Georgia BCS buster. So before Boise even starts bitching how about covering the spread against Fresno State (I think it's more than 3). How about beating Nevada by more than gave up 34 points to them. How about beating a ranked team...or at least scheduling one.

(ed note) It's now 41-10 Boise State and they've talked more about the debate. They looked at our schedule and said we don't have any quality wins. I'd like to see Boise State blow out Northwestern @ Northwestern...or blow out Michigan State away. Or stay within 1 flaw of beating Penn State. They're big win was at Oregon...who Purdue by 6 and gave up 45 to Arizona.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving...and now news about me

Hey non-commenting readers. Visit today because I'm the featured comic for Thanksgiving. I think a lot of us have been in this situation...

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Bears @ Rams (November 23)

I attended the Bears game in the Edward Jones Dome on Sunday. I had never tailgated before an NFL game before. The atmosphere is less "hot" and everyone has nicer stuff. This had to be one of the most highly attended by the away team games in NFL history. Honestly, the stadium was 75% Bears fan and by halftime that number grew to around 90%. The Rams suck, sucked, and were down 7-0 before we even got to our seats.

As I've mentioned before, watching a game in a dome feels dirty when the weather is even slightly uncomfortable outside. However, these ladies never have to wear those bullshit windbreaker outfits. I'm trying to recall important events of the game but we sold 2 extra tickets for $150 and got blitzed pretty bad. Uhh, here are more pictures...

My fiancee thought this guy looked like Kyle Ortan. He told us he was actually in a neckbeard contest being held by a Chicago radio station. The winner got 2 tickets for a game.

Final score, Bears win 27-3.

Monday, November 24, 2008

First, The Game that wasn't

It was kind of like watching a Batman movie when the Joker isn't involved. The law of averages says these things even out in the end but could our program ever get that bad? How did Michigan get to this point? Lloyd Carr leaving is the obvious turning point, but wasn't he told to retire? Was the beginning of the end the loss to Appalachian State? I have to think it was before that. They had a somewhat stacked roster as far as skilled positions with Manningham, Hart, etc. Are they becoming too academic like Notre Dame?
I think we can expect them to build back up but it'll take at least 2 more years for them to run the spread with experienced players. I almost wish Saturday's game could have been played at Michigan this year because we didn't need the home field advantage. (That would have been the one I would have made the trip to as well)

I didn't even drink that day. I stayed at home and couldn't get into it all that much. I like the fact that they suck but part of hatred is knowing you're ruining someone else's season. What are your thoughts?

(Bears/Rams game post coming this week)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Football Christmas

I'll admit I'm not as pumped up this year. I can only hope the players don't feel the same. Part of it may be that I'm not in Ohio and will head to a bar for the game. There are usually a few other Buckeyes there but who knows. I've got my Fuck Michigan t-shirt on that I only wear once a year. I used to use this holiday as a once a year escape as an excuse to be as obnoxious as I want for an entire day. I realize I might break that rule throughout the year.

To make up for today's lack of interesting storylines, I'll be posting about tomorrow's Bears vs. Rams game (I'm going and taking my camera).

"It's important you don't stink today!" --Tom Hanks in That Thing You Do

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Weekend of the Safety!

There was one against Illinois, The Badgers had 2 (in a row) and then today in the NFL the Steelers and maybe one other team (like how much research I did?) also had one. What causes this? Better punting? Bad weather? Coincidence? Nope, none of those. Men Without Hats is the answer!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Hugh Johnson Project II

still no hits...sigh.

Battle for the Illibuck Trophy

After last year's screw job at the Shoe (one of the ref's was charged with a felony I heard), we're back in Illinois and the best news of the day...Pam Ward is not covering the game. After an exchange of punts Juice has fumbled and we'll start on the 18. Let's see if we've progressed enough to actually score a touchdown.

8:48 left in the 1st, Pryor scores and we're all thankful he doesn't have an annoying nickname...or any nickname at all. I'll keep a total on how many times today's announcers say either, "The Juice is loose," or "The Juice is not loose." Pam Ward's record is around 3 dozen.

5:30 and it's tied at 7. Illinois ran some hurry up run offense and our boys decided not to tackle. The play is under review but it looks like a touchdown. In other news Northwestern is up 7-0 on Michigan.

4:00 "Illinois wants to make it a physical game," they say. Really? Football, physical? You think? Has there been a team other than the '92 Oilers who refused to make it a physical game? We'll punt it to the 8 and see if our defense can actually tackle.

1:15 Abdallah knocks the pass down and on 4th we BLOCK THE PUNT into the endzone for a safety. 9-7 and Illinois must kickoff (punt) into the wind and we'll start the drive at the Illinois 44. Hartline makes 2 plays to get us inside the 10. He's tackled while going out of bounds in what would surely have been called a penalty last week. The first quarter ends 9-7.

2nd quarter
Beanie Wells around the left on a close to out of bounds (Pryor would have scored on 3rd down anyway) and it's 16-7. Illinois decides to blare Joan Jett to get their female 40+ fans back into it. Good kickoff that they can't handle and field position still favors OSU.


9:47 in the 2nd Illinois is driving after a 3rd and 18 completion. Sigh, we take a timeout and I'm hungry for this mysterious "Sub-mart" place.

Juice ignores the blitz that the announcer had time to point out and throws an INT which had a chance to be returned until he fumbled. OSU ball and we're driving with Beanie Wells...he heard they wanted a physical football game. Pryor follows with a long, long run. His stiff arm seems like an effective bitch slap.

6:30--Sanzenbacher for a touchdown! 23-7. Pryor throws the touchdown, gets up, and talks shit to the Illinois lineman. Pryor puts "The U" in The Ohio State University (see back in the day when Miami was a cocky, winning program they were The U)...and I'm done dumbing it down for people.

Under 6 minutes and Illinois decides that Juice Williams will throw less interceptions if he lines up as a wide receiver. On the next play he runs for a big game using the star fish strategy with his hand warmer.

Into the redzone Illinois will go for the field goal...28 yards to make it 23-10 with 2:40 left. I imagine Tress will decide whether to drive based on field position...Not much of a drive is mounted and Illinois has 41 seconds to do anything. On their first play Williams scrambles and at least THREE holds are ignored. It was to the point to where our linemen were looking at the ref while being held. And now we risk giving up 3 more. Shit. 44 yard field goal is good 23-13 at the half. The ignored holding call costs us...maybe we didn't plan on playing a "physical" game.

3rd quarter, Beanie elects to not be physical and instead jump over a would-be tackler. It'll be a play of the week, but had he scored it would have made a top 50 Best Damn Sports Show all time list. Is it me, or are their guys lining up in the neutral zone? Penn State is finally pulling away from Indian'er. 3rd and 13 at mid-field...Pryor runs 20 yards and Tressell finally shows us that running plays are meant for 3rd and long.
Beanie fumbles a few plays later and shades of last year start to creep in.

Under 7 minutes to go in the 3rd and we finally get a sack. Before that play our pass rush reminded me of that of a movie scene. You know that classic football scene where it's slow motion and the camera is showing the quarterback dance back and forth deciding on a receiver...meanwhile numerous pass rushers go flying by out of control. That's our pass rush.

Illinois does a quick kick and we get the ball at the 1 yard line, wind against us, refs against us, momentum against us, Al Qaeda against us, 99 and a half yards to go. I'm still slightly hungover from wine last night, time for greasy cheesesticks.

1:45 As if motivated by my analogy our rush gets to Juice and we hold off their good field position.

At the end of the 3rd we're driving and Beanie's hamstring is hurt after a long run. He'll be fine, we'll be fine.

11:55 Touchdown Herron! That drive was sustained by a late hit penalty that their fans are still booing about 8 minutes later. Cue Joan Jett, why would they need their marching band anyway? Is there a connection they have to that song? 30-13 and we're treated to bonus LeBron highlites.
(The TGIFriday's cheesesticks may have the best sauce known to man)

Illinois is looking sloppy and will ease its way back to mediocrity. Michigan is losing at home to Northwestern by 7, 8 minutes left in that one.

A play breaks out with about 9 things wrong with it. Herron was down when he fumbled it. Pryor got called for a facemask for tackling a guy by the shoulder. Good try ref, you were only about 6 inches off. There was a forward pass penalty by Illinois. I don't know why they declined the facemask unless there's some rule stating it wouldn't have happened if they hadn't thrown the forward pass. Can someone explain? Anyone?
Ahh, 'tis not a fumble. 3rd down.

Under 5:00 and the beloved Juice Williams has been benched.

Blah blah blah, touchdown Illinois with 42 seconds left. Onside kick recovered, ballgame. 30-20

Friday, November 14, 2008


We're getting close to 40 hits a day yet no one ever comments. This leads me to believe that everyone is googling "Simpsons Episodes or best video games of all time" as those were the 2 best entries. Am I right here or are people actually caring? Please leave a comment and let me know.

Now about sports...I watch the 4th quarter of the Cavs game last night and without going into detailed specifics that would make this entry worth reading, I'd just like to say I think they can win the east this year. LeBron is starting to peak and may get that Jordan-esque feel come playoff time. With their higher seeding (perhaps a #2 but no worse than a #3) a deep playoff run could be very possible. The Celtics are too old to repeat and besides, that's hard to do. My early season prediction for the West...the Hornets. Cavs vs. Hornets in finals!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

So we ran it up

Andre Ware was all, "I was on a shitty NFL team, I sympathize with losers, I can't believe they're running it up!" yesterday. Who cares. This is long overdue. If there's one thing Cooper had over Tressel is was the run it up mentality. (Rice 72-0) Tressell did his best "Oh, I feel bad that we scored instead of kneeling it" reaction but if he really cared he wouldn't have faked the punt. (So why did he fake the punt?) Answer: To make Michigan think about it. The punt is the most important part of Tressell ball and perhaps too many teams were cheating on coverage and setting up good returns. You have to keep them honest these days, and what better time to do it, the game was decided already. As far as the final offensive drive let me explain. Those 2nd and 3rd stringers are talented and deserve to contribute. They went from dominating their high school leagues to Big Ten football and still have to practice every day. When you don't get to play in the games you stop practicing hard, therefore it was a good move to make them feel important. I know most of them weren't scrubs but still, they deserve to play. Plus the Northwestern coach is 33 and a douchebag. He all heard that sound clip about how Tressell didn't get any chicken broth before the game. He had it coming.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

No way!

I just watched LSU block a game winning field goal shortly after Penn State Iowa? What if all these teams each lose 3 games? Then do we somehow sneak into the title game in a manner that makes last year seem like we deserved it? (I kid). Anyway, I could see Sparty going into Happy Valley and winning. They have to feel deflated after losing to a team who lost to (insert whatever crappy team Iowa lost to in September).

Halloween Hangover

They just said that Tressell is 1-4 coming off of bye weeks. Northwestern has beaten us once in thirty-some years. Guess who was at that game...sitting front row, 50 yard line, in the middle of the Northwestern section (though 75% of the place was OSU fans)...Me. We lost in overtime as I was taunted as I left my seat waiving my fingers in the air, though I did care. But those days are over. Zwick was our QB, and it was a rebuilding year. OK, stop staring at that girl's spine and prepare for my childish thoughts on the game. By the way, does Penn State ever play Michigan State this year? Ahh, they do on November 22. Should Iowa somehow upset Penn State today we still have a chance at another Big Ten Championship. Corso puts on the Elephant head yet again and is beating Herbie with the trunk. 'Bama is his pick. Now onto our game vs. Northwestern (please let Pam Ward be at another game...YES!)

Prekickoff, the Northwestern fans are shaking their keys. Wow, that must be...loudish. I hope our men aren't scared. Kickoff is delayed as Lucy yanks ball off of the tee. It looks like we'll have the crowd on our side as Northwestern continues to place academics as a priority for college admission. Losers. A decent kickoff return and a facemask on the first play from scrimmage starts us in good field position.

Robiske picks up a first down followed by Wells pulling his Eric Metcalf impression and losing close to 10 yards on a run. After 5 or 6 runs he's still negative yardage, 3rd and 16.

Hartline makes a catch inside the 5 and is tackled by the wind on the 2. Touchdown Beanie, with 10:48 left in the 1st quarter. (I can't get my paragraphs spaced so I may need to insert more pictures to add aesthetics.

What I wouldn't do for some Catfish Biff's Pizza right now. if you're in the campus area, I believe the number is still 614-421-7421. Back to us trying to play defense. Northwestern's first drive is being sparked by Kafka. We haven't had this much trouble against a white QB since that guy from Washington a few years ago. I don't imagine he'll be able to take hits like this all day. They're into the redzone though keeping the game more interesting than this blog.
Here's a guess, they're going to shotgun the snap to Kafka and he'll run it...again...and into the endzone. Another flag on the play most likely on us,ahh, both of them. Good to see Northwestern sticks to their high school stadium theme and refuses to get nets behind the goalpost. 7-7 midway through the first quarter.
Possession #2...Apparently there's a battle between coaches as to who can win using the least amount of their playbook as possible. 3 and out as our offensive line continues to blow.
Northwestern ball, moral victory as we've gone 3 plays without a penalty, they'll punt it back. The announcers have resorted to the "BCS system bad, why don't we have a playoff?" talk already.
Pryor seems to be cold. Ray Small is suspended. The 1st quarter is over, somewhere in the stadium sit my brother-in-law, 2 of my nephews, and my niece wondering why TBDBITL never makes the trip. In other news, Michigan leads 6-0.
2nd quarter: Wells with an OJ Simpson like run! He's stopped at the line, stabs a white girl, and takes off for the endzone. Tressell has found a way to have our shitty offensive line draw the defense in clearing a way for Beanie to make his way into the endzone.
Momentum has shifted and OSU recovers a fumble deep in smart whiteboy territory! You would think with Wells and Pryor we could somehow do some sort of throwback trickeration. How about a flea-flicker into a running play. No? You're right, it's 3rd and 10 and we're doing draw plays. 17-7 with 10:04 left in the half.
8:23 left in the first half, we finally stop Kafka's shotgun running play! Here's a thought, the Big East gets an automatic BCS bid, right? West Virginia leads the Big East and is ranked just 23rd. Can we get them in the Orange Bowl? I've also just noticed the Planter's commercial with the ugly redhead who rubs a peanut on herself to become attractive...count how many times her giant facial mole moves from one side of her face to the other.
Another solid drives sustained by 3rd and longs, but Alex Boone does his best to cockblock a drive that would put the game away by halftime with a headbutt. Pryor again though! 3rd and 16 plus a late hit, we're back to their side of the field with under 3 minutes left in the half. Robsike...touchdown! Pryor will be everything next year. 24-7 going into the half...I hope...I'm putting the laptop down to make pasta salad.
Something something, field goal by Northwestern. Another late hit out of bounds made by a player in bounds. You know what I'd like to see just once? Pryor return a kickoff. 24-10 with 11 minutes left in the 3rd.
Kafka has 23 rushes in the middle of the 3rd quarter. Maybe when your coach is only 33 you don't have the luxury of a muti-page playbook (you all know what reference is coming). I don't blame him, he grew up in the Tecmo Bowl age. Yet another thing I would have liked to seen...a team on there who has 3 running plays and just one passing play. Jenkins just drilled Kafka on his 24th rushing attempt. Maybe we're catching on as Northwestern is forced to punt...cut to chili and eggs recipe. Andre Ware (on Tecmo Super Bowl Detroit roster) makes a fart joke. Grind the clock out.
The ghost of Troy Smith takes over on a pass to Hartline who is again tackled by nature. And wow...I cannot type the words to describe that last touchdown, maybe...FranVinceYoungElwayarkington-esque. Can we just fast forward to next year?
Late in the 4th, fake punt? Was that an audible? Did Tressell actually call that? And then a long bomb! 38-10 and 2004 has been avenged. Surely nothing else could be blog worthy...I'll be signing off from here as my fiancee finds it ridiculous that I'm blogging a game anyone can watch on ESPN2. She may have a point.

Sunday, November 02, 2008


Texas Christian has been ranked ahead of OSU for 2 weeks in a row. I know it doesn't matter between who is #12 in the country but it still pisses me off. Like the mighty Horned Frog Toad-the-wet-sprocket-whatever the hell they are could beat us? We'll even play there at their double open ended-look-there-are-little-kids-playing-pickup-games-behind-the-goalpost stadium.