Sports! SPOOOOORRTTTSS!!!

Baseball is boring, and the All-Star game is boring. That’s just the way it is. Instead of ignoring or altering the game’s fundamental nature, I think Ye Olde Pastime ought to embrace it. Marketing campaigns for the World Series or All-Star game could say things like "This time, it’ll be OVER 4 hours!" They could have "If you’re over 60, you get in free" days. Anyone who falls asleep during a game gets a prize, like a signed glove or a blowjob. These are the things Bud Selig should be doing. I think we can all agree on this. Inexplicably, baseball attendance is actually UP over last year’s pace, where the league recorded its highest attendance figures in like 15 years. I don’t pretend to understand it, but I’m willing to bet that it’s got a lot to do with warm weather and beer. Those two things together will attract about 65% of all men who have the disposable income to waste $50 on bleacher seats. Now if they would just institute the BJ policy, I think that number may rise to 90%. See, baseball? I’m here for you.

Moving on, I mean, what the hell is there to talk about in the world of sports? As Dids said, the Tour de France is going on, and everyone in this country is doing their patriotic duty and acting like they give a rat’s ass, that is until Lance eventually wins and we can all clap and then go back to ignoring both cycling and France. And then there’s golf, but the only storylines going on are about women trying to make it into PGA events, and I only have two things to say about that: 1.) When the shit did Michelle Wie get so hot? Jesus Christ, she’s only 15 and she looks 27. And HOT. 2.) In my opinion, the bitches can try to play in guys’ events all they want, but I think it’s going to hurt their sport more than it helps. I’m pretty sure I’ve explained this before, but here we go again: women keep trying to legitimize their sports on their own, asking viewers to watch for the sake of watching good sporting events, regardless of the gender of the competitors. But what does it say when the most dominating forces in women’s golf are trying to play PGA events? It says, "Well, we’re SO good that we need another challenge. Hmm, what’s better, more difficult, than the LPGA? Is there anything that’s a step up from this? Oh, okay: MEN’S events!" They’re essentially de-legitimizing their own sport by admitting that they’re a significant step down from men’s golf. It’s refreshing to see future LPGA stars like Grosse Pointe native Morgan Pressel (the amateur who finished 2nd at the U.S. Women’s Open) saying that they have no desire to play men’s events. I’m not sure what the point of doing it is. But hey, if they want to keep going out there and missing the cut at the friggin’ Tulsa Invitational, you know, knock yourself out.

Oh, I guess the NHL’s coming back. Okay.

Finally, the World Series of Poker is about to be televised on ESPN, starting next Tuesday. Now, as anyone who reads this probably knows, ESPN’s coverage of poker is SO FAR outstripped by the Travel Channel’s World Poker Tour (and even, probably, by all of the myriad poker games shown on FoxSports nowadays) that it isn’t even really funny. I’m 87.9% sure that we discussed this on the old blog: ESPN by and large shows no actual, good play. They show all-ins and stupid features like "The Nuts." Boo-urns. But anywho, it bears mentioning that the actual tournament started like a month ago, with all the lower-limit and obscure events. But the main event, the $10,000 buy-in no limit hold ‘em event, is going on as we speak. Over 6,000 people entered this year’s main event, apparently, which I believe is double the number who entered last year and about ten times the number who entered in 2003. The poker boom apparently continues. For those who are interested, here are a couple of links. This is a neat little set of columns by Paul Phillips, known as "dot-com," who came off in his first few WPT events like a raging asshole, but who has seemed very nice ever since. There is also an explanation for why he seemed like a total nutjob during NBC’s weird, Matt Vasgersian-emceed "Head’s-Up Poker Championship." Also, there’s tons of coverage of what’s going on in the WSOP over at Card Player. If you want to know how things stand, go check it out. If you don’t, if you’re a woman who wants to wait until ESPN shows the action, so that your pure little flower of the WSOP isn’t taken forever, then don’t follow the link. You vag.



*SPOILER*:




Apparently, all the way down to 58 players, Greg Raymer is 11th in chips, and earlier today, he was actually the chip leader. If he gets to the final table again, that will be even bigger than Dan Harrington’s back-to-back final tables in ‘03 and ‘04.