Monday, October 03, 2005

A Quick One (About) While (I Was) Away

As some of our illustrious group of five loyal readers may be aware, I spent all day this Saturday at Cedar Point, sampling the joys that America's Roller Coast™ has to offer, including, but not limited to, the Raptor, the (Trojan) Magnum (Ramses, Shiek), the new-ish sports bar they got in there, and the new Pendulum Ridey Thingy. I spent approximately an hour and 20 minutes in the sports bar, and that was the extent of the football I got to watch that day. Hence, I have basically no idea what the shit happened, and after a week hiatus because I was lazy and swamped with crafting a mammoth post about songs for girly-'mos, I am hereby pawning off the writing of this week's TITACFAMFTTTAOST post to whoever the shit decides to do it first, Dids, Torgs, or Nips.

Of course, I have a few preliminary things to say:

1.) Former Yankee manager Buck Showalter has managed to royally piss off the Assholes in the Pinstripes, and, quite frankly, I couldn't be happier. They feel that Showalter, by pulling Mark Teixeira, Hank Blalock, and White Miguel Young in the third inning of yesterday's battle with Orange County's Los Angeles Angels of Somewhere Near Anaheim at Encino, was handing the Angels homefield advantage for their upcoming divisional series with the Yankees. If that is what Showalter was doing, then I applaud him for being a fantastic American. If it's not, then this was all just a thoroughly-enjoyable by-product of one coach's mundane decision. Either way, I'm ah-static (/Corso).

2.) Speaking again of bases-ball, one of my favorite sports columnists, Salon's King Kaufman, has his thoughts up about the ridiculous A-Job v. Ortiz AL MVP Debate. I mention this not only because I agree with him, but also because I want to finagle in here the fact that he authored my favorite NFL pick of all-time, this gem from Week 3:

"ARIZONA (0-2) at Seattle (1-1): Why do I have the feeling this won't be the last time this year that a .500 team and a sub-.500 from the NFC West meet with at least a share of first place on the line? I picked the Cardinals to win that division, but if they lose this game, they officially become fair game for a What the Heck™ Pick in Week 4. But guess what: I'm picking them straight up in Week 3. I do not have a good reason for doing this."

3.) I don't know if anyone saw this, although I can be pretty sure that none of you cared: the Lions totally got screwed yesterday in Tampa. If you didn't see it, the end of the game went down like this: the Lions had the ball, down 17-13, on the Bucs' 12-yard line with 20 seconds left. Joey Harrington scrambled to his right and hit a sliding Marcus Pollard in the end zone. The play was ruled a touchdown. REPEAT: THE PLAY WAS RULED A TOUCHDOWN. I admit, in real-time, I didn't think there was any chance in hell that Pollard caught the ball inbounds, but when they showed the replay, the time when Pollard caught the ball and the time when his knee slid across the out-of-bounds line seemed just about instantaneous. It was the very definition of a "could go either way" play. And do you know what the NFL rulebook says you should do when the play you're reviewing turns out to be a "could go either way" play?


However, lead official Gerry Austin apparently saw something that noone outside of Tampa, Florida did: indisputable video evidence that Pollard hadn't caught the ball by the time his knee touched the line. INDISPUTABLE!! For the convenience of readers everywhere, I have provided this JayPeg file, for easy examination. Now, how in the name of James Tiberius Tressel do you get "indisputable evidence" that that wasn't a catch? None of this is to say that the Lions played well, or that they're a good team, or anything. But they won that fucking game. That was a royal fucking screw-job, and Peter King pointed out as much in his Monday Morning Quarterback column today. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

4.) College Football Quick-hitters

  • Quite frankly, this turned out to be the perfect Goddamn weekend to not watch any college football. And I'm not just talking about the fact that the Buckeyes were on a bye week: outside of MSU/UM, Saturday's games were friggin' BORING and undramatic. Is that setting up some epic shit going down in the next few weeks? I sure hope so.
  • Speaking of OSU, holy shit did Penn State beat the living Jeebus out of Minny. That game next week, under the lights at Beaver Stadium, continues to terrify me.
  • What. The. FUCK, Purdue?!? No, seriously, what the fuck? I, along with pretty much everyone else, thought that -- with a competent running game, proven receivers, and a QB who is dynamic, if inconsistent; as well as a defense that rocked last year and returned every single starter -- the Boilers would be a relative force in the league this year, regardless of schedule. In reality, the offense has been more than adequate, and the defense has been gawd-awful. The Boiler D is currently 110th in the nation in total defense, leading me to believe that somehow, someway, that defense was doing it with smoke and mirrors last year, and that ASU's manhandling of that defense in the Sun Bowl was a showing of their true colors. Bizarre.
  • Speaking of that joke team in The Other West Laf, holy shit is the hype machine gonna be revved up for that Notre Dame v. USC matchup in two weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if the national media spent all of this week and next week talking about that game. Christ, I haven't read one thing about it yet and I'm sick of it already. 'Cause it's coming. Brother, you know it's coming.

5.) I have to mention that I had no idea Bob Loblaw was the Vagcretions' coach. Hey, anything that keeps Scott Baio gainfully employed, I'm in full support of. Although I have to say that I am really gonna miss Barry Zuckercorn. You know, he's very good.



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