Monday, August 29, 2005

Uncle Mo has left the building

And good riddance.

As you've probably heard by now, Maurice Clarett has been released by the Denver Broncos. This development leaves a few interesting questions:

Could he really have been that bad? I mean, isn't it fairly unusual for a team to waive their third-round pick before a single down of the regular season has been played? Is it possible that there's something we don't know about, about the kid been his usual assholish self and pissing the team off? Or did he just stink so much, and sit out so much because of injury, that they just decided to part ways with him before they had even played their last preseason game? One thing seems fairly certain: if Mo-rice didn't already hate Jim Brown and all the other idiots telling him to challenge the NFL's age policy two years ago (and I don't see how he couldn't have), then he almost certainly does now.

So he's out of The League now. Hey, it couldn't've happened to a worse guy. These are the kinds of things that happen to true freshmen who are assholes to begin with, and who are then treated to chants of "Mau-rice! Mau-rice! Mau-rice!" from idiotic fans a half-game into the season. Let's try not to let the memory of this douche tarnish our recollections of Buckeye legends like Doss, Wilhelm, Jenkins, and Krenzel.

Other lingering shizzle:

* Did everyone watch that EPIC Little League World Series championship game yesterday? Holy shit, that was one of the best games, at any level, that I've seen in like five years. And I love that the last inning had to be broadcast on The DroppaDeuce, as ABC felt the need to go to hurricane coverage (scoff) after the game went into extra innings. That gave it that "Heidi" quality, I think.

* "The U" kick returner Devin Hester is having a tough time getting fully prepared for the season opener, as he's stuck battling ... you guessed it ... turf toe. Reports that new QB Kyle Wright is going to be out with Hip Bursitis have not been substantiated. But I tore like five ACLs just typing that sentence.

* According to no less a reliable source than SI's Peter King, the last line of new starter Kyle Orton's bio in the Bears' media guide reads thusly:

"Has a dog, Elaine, named after the Seinfeld television show character played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus."

Well why not. I know I was wondering.

* More college football: ESPN has their preview of the season's biggest games. Pointless and obvious, yes, but what the shit. I still say that although it's being billed as "Vince Young vs. Theodore Reginald Inge, Jr.," the game is gonna be largely decided by the lines.

* I don't know if people who read this pay attention to bases-ball at all, but in case you didn't know, the San Diego Padres are leading the NL West with a putrid 64-65 record. They sit 5.5 games ahead of the 60-72 D'Backs. I don't really give a shit or see what the big deal is, since sub-.500 teams routinely make the playoffs in basketball and hockey, but whatever. Thought it was interesting.

* Also bases-ball related: if you don't think the Yankees are gonna win the AL East, you're crazy. And I don't really care, since I'm actually semi-rooting-for the Yankees this year because it would be less painful than another Boston title. After all, the only thing more annoying than a whiny fan of a losing Boston team is a whiny-yet-gloating fan of a winning Boston team. And although I can't physically root for the Indians, Columbus buddies, I'm not actively rooting against them. So there that is.

* If you haven't done it already, go see "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." Now. The film is everything "Anchorman" should have been but wasn't, and everything the first 45 minutes of "Wedding Crashers" was, before it lost its focus and wallowed in pointlessness for like an hour. We continue to get proof that, outside of maybe Cameron Crowe at the height of his abilities, nobody else marries comedy with humanity as deftly and amusingly as Mr. Judd Apatow. Bravo, sir.

* Lastly, if you watch "SportsCenter," you've undoubtedly enountered the impossible-to-avoid "50 states in 50 days" thingy they're doing. Well has anyone else noticed that the uber-annoying song they use for that segment is done by Bryan Adams? So this celebration of Americana, a painstaking tour of all 50 states in the Union, is being promoted with a song by a Canuck? What the fuck?

Truck, pluck, duck, puck, struck, muck, luck, cluck, stuck, buck.


That is all.


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