Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Oh dear

Well, the indomitable college football guru Stewart Mandel has predicted that OSU will win the Big Ten this year. I have to say that I have mixed emotions about this. Mixed between "terror" and "anger." This is the same idiot who said, going into the Alamo Bowl last year, that Teddy Inge was gonna have to "do something special" in order for the Bucks to "have a chance" against that putrid excuse for a football team that they had in Stillwater. And we all know how that game turned out: to date, it’s the only time Fiu did an SOC on a game and gave up before it was over because the game was so thoroughly dominated by one side. And now he’s picking us to win the Big Ten. He might as well have mailed a black cat to Jim Tressel. Fuck. Also, it bears mentioning that, being the only one of us who has never actually seen her, when I hear about the infamous "Erin," I picture her looking like Stewart Mandel. Am I way off?


At 9:27 PM, August 17, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

Take your Stewart - make him fatter, more manly, and then picture him rubbing his ginormous ass up and down against your family jewels... now take what you're imagining and make it four times more revolting. If you've successfully done so, you have now caught a glimpse of Erin.

Oh, that Cave!

At 2:17 PM, August 19, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

Also, I forgot one other amazing Cave moment. I'm ashamed I didn't think of it earlier...

Purdue trip. In Chris's (his name is Chris, right?) apartment having just laid down to sleep - laying to rest one of the greatest days in my life - nay, in any man's life. Todd has already tucked me in.

From the air mattress bellows the voice of a certain caveman that we've grown to love...

CAVE: You guys are gonna LOVE this one. Turk, don't ruin this for me... *clears throat*... So what does Anne Frank call her dog?

PHIL: It's HELLEN KELLER you moron...

I can't even think of another botched joke that has amused us as much. And this story doesn't come up nearly enough.

Evan's Post-game Analysis
Part of what made this amusing for me (outside the obvious reasons) is that, much like my enjoyment at Cave's response of "Mr. Magoo" in place of "Tommy, the Pinball Wizard" is that I could kinda see where he was coming from. It didn't make a whole lot of sense, but yet I could kinda see why he said what he did.

I can't say I've heard many jokes about Anne Frank, nothing memorable at any rate - closest approximations I can think of right now is her appearance in the most recent episode of Robot Chicken and her more disguised inclusion in the lyrics of Outkast's "So Fresh and So Clean" (clean): "You're so damn frank, let's hit the attic and hide out for 'bout two weeks"... which isn't really even as much of a joke as it is just a reference. So it's doubtful he just mixed up his "Anne Frank dog jokes" with his "Hellen Keller dog jokes." (However, this does raise a valid concern: I know you guys will agree with me that there is a definite "Anne Frank joke" void here that needs to be filled over and over again... sometimes fast, sometimes slow, always rough. I be strokin'!)

So anyhow, there is, at least in my head, a loose link between Hellen Keller and Anne Frank in the sense that they are both famous girls who were remarkably strong in their youth while they faced huge obstacles. In the end, Hellen got the better end of the deal, but that's still a pretty rough existence. However, that's where the similarities and ties end. So it's ridiculous that he said "Anne Frank", but I have to admit that it's not the most ridiculous thing that he could have said. To rate the amount of sense of substituting any name in that joke for "Hellen Keller", on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is "Ricky Martin" (of Boynudo fame) and 10 is "Hellen Keller", I would put "Anne Frank" at about a 3.

Of course, I have no idea how he ended up at Anne Frank, but I'd like to believe that once again I got a glimpse into the inner workings of the Cave mind.

At 12:16 PM, August 23, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

That is indeed a classic, and not brought up nearly often enough. One tiny problem is that it happened in your van, on the way to The Other West Lafayette, and not in the apartment once we had gotten there. But that's nitpicking. I think we were taking turns telling jokes, which led to the best part of the whole thing: Cave's "Don't ruin this for me, Turk," followed by his botching the joke, and then a 1-second pause, and then Phil's semi-exasperated, semi-amused, fully-aroused "It's HELEN KELLER, you MORON!" Much laughter ensued.

At 12:24 PM, August 23, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Oh, and because it needs to be said:

In regards to the "Mr. Magoo" thing, we were at Sean and Phil's watching the NCAA title game between Syracuse and Kansas. I had brought my Entertainment Weekly "Pop Culture Quiz" for all of us to do, for shits and giggles.

One of the questions was a set of lyrics from "Pinball Wizard." I don't remember which ones exactly, but they made it pretty obvious what the answer was. I feel that this is noteworthy, however, for a reason: Cave was NOT the only one who didn't know the answer. Someone else who was there and taking it with us didn't know what the answer was, either. I think Todd was there, and, inexplicably, I think Shuster was there. It was one of those two, but I don't know which one (because I know Evan, Jeff, and I found the "Mr. Magoo" answer to be about 18 different kinds of hilarious). Like I said, warrants mentioning.

At 3:36 PM, August 23, 2005, Blogger The Diddy said...

I'll have you know...I wasn't there for the pop culture game. However, I still wouldn't have known the answer b\c I still don't know what you're talking about with this "pinball wizard" hooey. Doesn't mean anything to me. I remember someone telling me the story and being confused that I was supposed to know what they were talking about.

At 4:22 PM, August 23, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

Bless your heart, Jackson. I was starting to worry that the details of that story would be lost forever. It was most certainly your Pop Culture Quiz which lead to the question - and it was that time that I was able to quantify how little I know about pop culture.

Some more details just became came back to memory of how the question was asked and answered. Jack asked the question. I knew it right off the bat because I'm a huge Who fan and that question is easy for anyone who knows the Who. I knew Jack would know it because he's a huge Who fan and he got every other answer right anyways. I was pretty sure Jeff would know it. But I knew that Sean would know the answer since he's a big classic rock fan.

A wave of recognition immediately swept across Jackson's face. Jeff looked pretty confident. Sean looked uncomfortable. And I looked at Sean. I said to him, "Oh come on, Sean, you know this! I know you know this. I'll be really surprised if you don't get this." I said it not to be a dick but because I was certain he would get it.

Fortunately for us, he didn't. With the added "I really am supposed to know this" pressure, Sean tried really hard to make it seem like he had this one in the bag. So when we pressed him for an answer, Mr. Magoo came popping out to say hello. The feigned confidence behind his answer is yet another reason why his answer was so funny to us. Jackson nailed it when he said we found it "18 different kinds of hilarious".

And Todd is a douchebag.


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