Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Summing Up the Dids in 16 Easy Installments

Verbally fellating Nipsey made me think of some other great moments in the lives of other contributors to this esteemed blog. So in the same spirit, I will also attempt to highlight some favorite moments of The Diddy and Jack Fu.

First up will be Dids. This will not be an easy feat. I've known Dids longer than the other guys and have spent quite a bit more time with him. Nipsey's moment are so memorable, most often because they are so ridiculous, but Dids and Jack Fu I think will be tougher.

I'm very very certain that I am going to miss a whole lot of great moments in this list, especially from early in college. But that's just the risk I have to take. Accept that this list will not be comprehensive and your life shall be spared.

Let's do this. Now I bring you my...

...FAVORITE DIDS MOMENTS!! roughly chronological order.

1.) Playing The Bangals' "Eternal Flame" any time he just wanted to piss of Jeff "The Assman" Arszman.

2.) Jeff Arszman's Brown Log of Doom (with a +7 against flushing). This was an epic struggle of Todd and Jason vs. Arszman and his log. After dropping The Log That Would Not Flush (TLTWNF), Arszman refused to help the situation... but he did suggest to Dids that he take a plastic knife and cut up his poo. How considerate. This story was so good that I checked back at regular intervals during the day to see how the story was unfolding.

3.) "One size fits most."

4.) Walking the Diddy and Joanna back to Todd's apartment after Jeff's New Year's Eve 2003 party. Todd couldn't even walk straight. At the time it was the most drunk I had ever seen him and it was hilarious.

5.) Driving to Lonestar Steakhouse for dinner on the first day of the 2003 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. "Who's gonna drive?" "Who's the least drunk?" "Todd" "Okay then." Admittedly not one our smarter moments but at least it was a fun drive and Todd was fine.

Incidentally, this reminded me that there was another couple great Nipsey moments: when he graciously handed over the rest of the Texas Rose (fried onion bullshit thing) to Kristin without caring if she wanted it or not. This wouldn't have been so funny if he wasn't struggling so much to do it in his drunken state. Also, "You... you got a little spunk on ya," is pure legend at this point.

6.) One moment I wasn't there for and I hate myself for it... but I can picture it happening and my mental image is still worth listing here. During one night of poker at Phil and Sean's old apartment on W Norwich, Sean was getting bullied every which way by Todd. Sean would get decent cards... Todd would raise significantly... Sean would fold. Rinse and repeat. The Caveman was teetering on the brink of a rampage for a while and something finally set him over. Cave finally got two cards that just couldn't be beat and he just couldn't wait to dish out his revenge. The exact details of the betting are sketchy, but essentially Cave was limping around with his monster hand, trying to bait Todd into betting big again, but Todd had figured out right away that Cave had him beat and that he wanted revenge. So after a small bet by the Caveman, Todd, who had been in all those previous hands bullying him, folded. Cave's eyes got really wide as he stared at Todd in disbelief... then he reached over the table and smacked Todd. Unbelievable... but yet totally believable.

7.) Playing poker on Phil's balcony one night, Todd was a bit gassy. Nothing too shocking here. But on this particular evening, his burps were repulsive even by his standards. So he, of course, unleashed one directly into Phil's face. Phil then proceeded to run into his apartment and gag and curse for five minutes. It was fantastic.

8.) The 2 week period where Todd was able to drive the Caveman to rampage mode with only these words: "I just tore three ACLs." It made no sense, really, why it would infuriate him, and that's what made it so funny.

9.) Todd becoming comatose after a quick dance with Old Dan Tucker and Cabana Boy during Fiesta Bowl 2004

10.) Todd and me convincing Phil enough that his name is "Jack Parlance" that he actually got up to look it up on the Internet.

11.) Any phone conversation involving Todd and the Cave.

12.) Come to think of it, any time Todd and the Cave are together.

13.) Cuervo 2004: When I was absolutely livid with the events unfolding in a poker game in the basement, Todd turned on No Doubt's rendition of "It's My Life" - which made it impossible for me to be angry, which is really what I wanted to be at that particular time.

14.) Dancing and singing to Britney Spears's "Toxic" in the Dub Pub (this is The Erin Night).

15.) Working in the lyrics to Lil' Jon's "Get Low" whenever possible - especially where it doesn't fit.

16.) Slapping each other in Halo 2 for one-and-a-half straight hours.

Least Favorite Moment?: "Alright, here's what you wanna do... take a knee." Bastard.

So that is a first effort. In no way is it complete, but it was a fun ride. "My kids love it, it's safe, and it's fun."

Post comments with any others you think of.


At 2:24 PM, August 04, 2005, Blogger The Diddy said...

Other favorite Todd moments, with Evan involved...

The peanut gallery couch (Me, Evan, Jackson) watching two people make out while we were screaming, "go downstairs"

Bobby Jones

Telling Evan (when we first met) my story from roscoe village and evan deciding I was the coolest guy EVER!!

Jamming my hand into Jeff's drunken mouth with a pocket pack rocket rocket

Taking a crap and not being able to sit down for about an hour.

Stretching, remember...always stretch

Winning the draft (I haven't lost one yet)

While hitting range balls, Evan drops to the ground with some unknown piercing shoulder pain, my response as he can't move and can barely talk, "you gonna hit the rest of those?"

Not seeing Evan for about a year when one day my house is empty, except for evan, who was there b\c Jackson invited him but had left before Evan had showed up and Evan had no idea where anyone was.

At 3:10 PM, August 04, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

We were actually screaming "Go North, young man!" as the guy kept threatening to grow a pair but he just couldn't get past toying with the bottom of her shirt. To round out the story of the rest of that great evening... After we got bored with that, two girls showed up who were pretending to be interested in making out with each other. When we made the request for them to get frisky, they said they would only do it for $20. We obviously refused and berated them for charging. Extortionists.

It was at that time that Sean showed up. Keep in mind that I had not met Sean yet. Jackson says, "Okay, we've gotta get this moving. Sean, come here. See those two girls over there? They say they'll make out... but they want $20 to do it!" Sean wasted no time and went right into action. He immediately approached the girls and said in only the way that Arm-Flailing Caveman (by Hasbro) can (picture "Article IV, Section 17...") "Alright, you're gonna make out, you're gonna do it right now, and you're gonna do it for free." It didn't work unfortunately, but it was an extremely valiant effort. Incidentally, four years later he would make out with Erin.

I contemplated putting the Roscoe Village story in my list but in the end I decided against it. Great story though.

How could I forget "Bobby M. Jones" "Bobby J. Jones"?

I had thought of putting the Pocket Pack (rocket rocket) in the list but forgot to include it. Shame on me.

Seeing your face as you walked into your apartment (the one on E Norwich) which was empty apart from me sitting there watching T.V. was fantastic. And Jackson didn't leave before I got there, but he might as well have. Scott let me in because Jackson was in his bedroom. Scott then took off to go get drunk somewhere, make his rounds, then hide in a dark corner. So I waited in the living room. A few minutes later Jackson came out, said hello, then went back into his room. Then about 20 minutes later he silently managed to sneak past me and out the door, which I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't heard him pounce down the stairs outside with the door wide open. I went looking for him outside and didn't see anyone. I waited there figuring he was coming back. About 40 minutes later, Todd mercifully showed up to save me from my boredom. But it all worked out because I got to see Pookie!

At 3:44 PM, August 04, 2005, Blogger Nipsey said...

I just want to point out that I'm so good I made it onto someone ELSE'S list.

At 3:45 PM, August 04, 2005, Blogger Nipsey said...

By the way, what's the Roscoe Village story?

At 7:46 PM, August 04, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

The worst part of the faux-lesbian story is that poor Token Fat Guy at the party donated $10 to the cause, only to be shut out of any same-sex liplocking (that we know of). Bummer for him.

And I vaguely remember this thing about me leaving Evan in our apartment ... did I come back? Did anything happen that night? I wish I could remember the circumstances...

And that dumb bastard never did grab that chick's tits, even after we gave up the "go North" innuendo and just started shouting "GRAB HER TITS!" Dumbass.

And I just want to say, Evan, I admire what you're doing here with the lists. "Ambitious" doesn't even begin to describe it. Bravo.

At 9:12 AM, August 05, 2005, Blogger The Diddy said...

1) The Party: the worst part was token fat guy, it's that we had TWO token fat guys. Later, Token Fat Guy #2 was making out with an acutal girl under the "Ladie's Nite" Banner.

2) Leaving Evan: I'm sure the circumstances of your departure involved Kristin. We know where you went, C'MON!!!

At 9:29 AM, August 05, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

1.) I don’t remember that. By then I was probably too busy dueting with Phil on some choice Wham! songs over at his and Cave’s apartment.

2.) I mean, yeah, you’re probably right. I just don’t remember it.

At 12:26 PM, August 05, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

2.) No, Jack never came back that night. But it all worked out because of Shmoopie.

1.) We did end up over at Phil and Sean's listening to Wham!. It was after these various "couples" refused to give us any free shows and we got bored. Jack walked me over to meet Phil and the first time I saw him we shook hands and someone promptly put in a Wham! CD and Jack, Sean, and Phil began to dance and sing as if it was the last night of their lives. I had no idea what to do with it, but I was entertained. Looking back on it, it's really the only way that I could have met Phil.

At 12:27 PM, August 05, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

Oh, and thank you for your kind words, Jack. I expect to tackle the formidable "Favorite Jackson Moments" sometime next week. Be on the look-out!

At 2:00 PM, August 05, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Torgs, I will be on the lookout. And more than a little frightened.


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