Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Talk about Nerds

There's nothing quite as nerdy as reliving great moments from video game history. Or the "Gremideometory Awards" as I just decided to call them. So, here are your nominees...

Some of my memories may be a little off, or slightly glorified, so either ignore me or correct me, but at least enjoy the ride.

Best Human vs. Computer Game
Man Boy vs. Michigan (Capitol One Bowl)
After his epic loss to the Queens and more than a little Man's Ale, the man-boy waltzed into their bowl game and get smacked around by Michigan. Nambla would claiming drunkenness as a factor. Most think they were still recovering from the Dairy Air loss.

Shockers vs. Clemson
A classic, "the computer is going to win game", they did just that. Constantly battling, the shockers force triple OT only to throw a pick in the third overtime to seal the Clemson victory.

Phalljc Dolphins vs. LSU
Attempting to run out the clock and run up the score, the pink and blue turn the ball over with 30 seconds left at the LSU 20 and up by 4. The Tigers would march right down the field and score leaving too little time for Bob Floggin's offense to do anything but take the loss.

Best Human vs. Human Game
Man Boy vs. Delta Queens (SEC Title game)
As mentioned by Fu, the man boy would jump out to an epic 24-0 lead starting on a fumbled kickoff by the Queens and a lot of yelling in my face. "MAN-BOY!!!!", he declared while jumping and screaming. A game featuring option and crossing routes, the Queens would rally to pitch a second half shutout to win 27-24 on a last second FG.

Delta Queens vs. The Bleeding Horses
A constant back and forth struggle featuring lots of counters and Korey Upton. It would go into overtime with each team scoring on their possession. With Dairy Air feeling the momentum, the Queens go for two and the win. The Horse D holds strong sending DSU home with a one-point overtime loss. It would propel the horses into the national title game.

Delta Queens vs. Shockers
A game of ball control and answering scores. The Queens, down 7, score with seconds remaining. Not wanting to test overtime waters, the Queens go for two...and get it. (The helmet counts as in the end zone) Time expires and the fighting Omega come out 29-28 winners.
Side note - the shockers would go on to beat the Queens in each of the next two seasons being the only time in Dairy Air St. History they would lose in consecutive years to the same opponent
Side note 2 - After this game is the most furious I've ever seen anyone due to a video game loss. I think he's still in protest of the call. However, Fu wins the MFIESADAVGL Award for his efforts in fury.

Best Line
"Okay...Here's what you wanna do..." - Todd to Evan as he contemplates what play to run on Miami's 1 yards line with 3 seconds to go...and he's down 14.

"Bear in the stands!!!!" - Phil

"Oh, why won't you play with my skin flute. And then I'll come play with yours....toot" - Jeff

Best Moment
Scooter's team basically looking like the browns (and then playing like them)

Jeff or Evan (don't remember) vs. FSU - The hurricane's had clawed their way back into the contest and had moved the ball just past the 50 with 2 second left. The hail mary is called and computer Chris Rix has ALL DAY to throw. With us all intently awaiting his deep chuck on the final play...he holds it....holds it....HOLDS IT....and throws it directly sideways out of bounds.

Most Ridiculous Play
USC's QB throwing a 50 yards TD pass while facing the wrong direction and being sacked against Jackson. aka "Merlin Ball"

WR Outs - NCAA 2002

Man Boy's QB/FS pitching the ball left around his body and to the right to his guard since he went the wrong way on the play.

The BIREEC Award
"Best Injury Resulting in Enormous Eating of Crow"
Phil claiming his dominance declaring how hard I'd be sodomized in Underage. The week leading up to the annual showdown, his heisman leading running back would get injured for 3 weeks. His confidence now shot and gameplan in disarray, the Queens gayly march the purple and fuschia into Canada and hand the little boys a 77-7 loss in the most one-sided (and most gratifying) defeat in NCAA 200x's debriefed, but storied history.

That's all I can think of right now...share others...sharing to others is what good nerds do!!!


At 4:29 PM, July 27, 2005, Blogger Nipsey said...

Hey! Remember Nostalgia? It's back!

First of all, I love this topic. It's the best one we've had in weeks. A few comments/corrections:

- You got my collapse against LSU all wrong. I was up 2 scores with the ball with about a minute left. LSU got it back and somehow scored with a few ticks left on the clock. They kicked off to me, I fielded it, and decided to run into the fattest Tiger I could find because the clock had since run out. This caused a fumble, which they recovered and returned for the winning TD. It was unlike anything that's ever happened in a football game, real OR fake.

- The epic SEC title game is without a doubt the greatest NCAA game I've ever seen. And that doesn't even take into account the fact that the 2 combatants drank enough Man's Ale to put UGA & UF's COCKtail party to shame. (That was also the night that I first saw Honestly, one of the greatest nights of my life.)

- The Hail Mary into the 5th row was thrown by Sexy Rexy, not anyone playing for FSU OR the Hurricanes. And it was against Evan. This gets my vote for the greatest moment because it was so unexpected. I was totally blind-sided by it and my reaction was Ray-Ban-esque.

- "Okay...Here's what you gotta do." was with all of one second left and is without a doubt the best line. It takes first, second, and third place in that category.

- And you REALLY got my fight song wrong. This seemed to be a common problem for everyone even when we were playing NCAA, so here's a refresher course for you and all those fans of the Phallic Dolphins / Pigskin Flutists:

If you want to play with your skin flute,
Then why don't you play with mine too?
I've got a dolphin that needs a little floggin,
so let's go and cheer for Pigskin U!

(There were a couple more lines but they were never really set in stone, kind of like the end of The 12 Days of Christmas.)
Nowhere, and I mean nowhere did the word "toot" appear in my fight song, regardless of what Phil says. I mean, that would just be gay.

At 6:27 PM, July 27, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

A K-wallity contribution, as always, Nips. Hey, when are we gonna get a little bit more "Nipsey's Diary"? I'm frothing at the mouth just thinking about it.

At 8:25 AM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Nipsey said...

Are you sure you're frothing at the mouth and not somewhere else?


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