Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Ahhh, the Scoots.

So I read Nips's responses to the listing of Evan's greatest moments with Nips. In it, he declared that Scooter's greatest moment was him grappling with Joanna's boob and declaring the well known, "thank you". I feel, as the greatest Scooter reference amongst us, that I must expand on these Scooter moments. But before I break into those, I'd like to add a couple to the Jeff list:

1) Jeff dressed as baby new year. The best use of a diaper I can remember.

2) Jeff and I entangled (of my dangle) on the ski lift and giggling the whole way up.

3) Hearing (not seeing) the gimp Nipples screaming through the phone (and his own shirt) after he had been bound in, of all places, a Taco Bell drive through. (**Note - Reading that sentence without knowing context would have to be even funnier)

4) At Jackson and Kristin's apartment, we hid awaiting Jackson's arrival. Jeff turned himself into Ichabod Crane (eventially known as Ichiro-bob Grundle), he then decided to moonbathe, and much later he beat the living crap out of Phil with a 4 foot summer sausage.

Okay, with those additions to Nips, I should proceed to Scoots McGee. So here we go, countin' em down from 16 to 1, the best scooter moments. And remember, this list goes to eleven. Or maybe 16. I have a feeling this "best moments" list might become a running theme.

1) "At Least 220" - We know the story.

2) "Sign of the beast" - Where it came from? It doesn't matter. Scooter said this phrase once every three seconds for two straight years. I support that.

3) Register This - After a heavy night of drinking and returning to the dorms and being pissed he wasn't getting laid (that's really any day for Scoot's entire first two years), he turned to old reliable: violence. He proceeded to bang his head off the heat register for about an hour straight. The noise it created "down-pipe?" was enough to awaken three rooms which I realized the next day when no fewer than seven people asked what that noise was last night.

4) Drunken head banging - After a going to a concert (I believe Kid Rock), he returned drunk and exhausted. He proceded to pass out in a desk chair next to a wall (and a corner). With his neck worn out from head banging he couldn't keep his head still and it would waive voilently around periodically cracking into the concrete dorm wall and not waking him up. This repeating for nearly an hour and never got old.

5) "Thank you" - Probably his greatest moment. It encompassed drunken mumble talk, a Scooter phrase, and boobs. I say thank you to Joanna as well, for sitting on his lap and letting this fantastic event occur.

6) Scotty No Message - Thinking Race's academic advisor was a telemarketer, and not relaying the message to him, he nearly cost Race the ability to graduate on time. Mr. Garber would coin the nickname "Scotty No Message" as a result.

7) Man on fire - Scott and I decided to light a tree on fire and push it into pond. I have no idea why. However, before I finish pouring the gas on it, he lights it, which catches the entire canister of gas on fire that I'm holding. It wasn't much fun.

8) "The corner" - He's there a lot.

9) Fun Dip - Giving this to him in the dorms would result in extra-hyper scoots.

10) Teabag - A highly entertaining game of street football came to a crashing end when Bubnick fell down and Scooter ran directly over him and teabagged him. He declared his teabagging while it occurred. Bubnick never knew what hit him.

11) Head meets pavement (Editor's note from Jack Fu: This is apparently unfinished. Todd, finish it.)

12) We are the champions - One standard drunken saturday at the house on 85, I'm asleep in bed. Suddenly, I awake. I hear the distant noises of dumpster kicking and singing. They gradually get closer as I hear, "WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!! *BOOM*...and repeat" until finally Scooter and Wakefield enter and scream, "OF THE WORLD"

13) Just a fantasy - When prompted about joining a fantasy baseball league, Scoots said he couldn't because, "I'm already in, like 4 NCAA Pools". Saying that sentence to Jeff will make his head explode.

14) Floored - (Editor's note from Jack Fu: see #11, above.)

Also receiving votes: The scooter scream, Mumbled drunk scottspeak, "Gimme a Scott Face"


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