Friday, July 29, 2005

In the mind of caveman

Well done on the list Torgs. I'd like to add a little more on the events that transpired in Taco Bell. I was gonna just make this a comment, but I felt it deserved its own post. Think, "nature channel episode of the cave."

First, I'm not sure how "discreet" I was about telling her to get her number. I mean, it was the loud Phil with, "get him in the molecule chamber, it'll take away his powers." Everyone knew what was going on, but I acted like she didn't hear me. Anyway, the highlight of that moment for me is the stages of irritating cave. I had ordered first and was eagerly awaiting chili cheese and hot sauce as Cave (Blake) Stepped to the plate. As I leaned in and gave him a "cave, get her number" which is step 1

1) "Ignore": Sean knows you've spoken to him, and he takes a very slight pause to process if it's a legitimate query or you're dicking with him. I'm talking nanoseconds, but you pick up on it. He won't make eye contact or turn his head. He'll just continue to place his order, hoping that you'll quit.

Response by me: Ok Cave, it's me, ignoring me won't make me stop. Plus, I've picked up on the slight pause, I know he heard me and he knows what I've said. So, I repeat, "caaaaaave (girly), get her number". We're now into Cave irritation stage two.

2) "Ok, that's funny": After my repeated statement, cave continues his order, won't look at me, but he starts to laugh. Not an uproarious cave grumble (grundle?), but an understated, still able to speak through the chuckle. His logic? Thinking that acknowledging me will make me stop b\c I'm really starting to irritate him.

Response by me: replace "ignoring me" with "acknowledging me" and repeat above. On to stage three

3) "Violence": His order complete, he turns quickly to me and begins slapping. Well, he thinks it's slapping but it's more like a clubbing. Either way, totally worth it. He will then try to let it go at that, but of course, I'll have none of it. As he leaves with his newly acquired food, I get one more "get her number" in as she hands him his tray. He let's this one go as he's clearly to distracted by the smells of meat to deal with me at that moment, but it's not over yet.

4) "Pent up Rage": After devouring his food with no remorse and no concern for those around him, he thinks back to what happened as he had left the counter..."Make fun of Cave he did" (Cave is now apparently Yoda, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE) Anyway, now able to process my last line with the stimulations of feeding time over, he turns to violence once again. His strategy, "launching hot sauce through the air". It was impressive to see the cave using crude tools. Evolution at its finest. With the frenzied air assault complete, he brutishly bellows, "now, YOU get HER number!!!" to complete the act. He know feels avenged, and can move to stage 5.

5) "Acceptance": Feeling he's one-uped me, the cave will accept that my "get her number" bit was pretty funny. We all share a hearty chuckle on our way out the door. This feeling of security in the acceptance stage is the cave's biggest downfall.

6) "Counter-Attack": As we leave the Taco Bell, we are accosted by a 40ish woman who begins hitting on Sean and I, I quickly duck into the vehicle to lock all the doors. Cave gives the handle a tug on the passenger side door, as he realizes it won't open stage 1 begins anew.



At 10:11 AM, July 29, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

Thank you so much for the follow-up post. I really wanted to expand on that particular topic but I couldn't really justify it in a list of Jeff moments, because Taco Bell was clearly dominated by Sean. Although he didn't dominate in the common sense - he didn't control any part of The Taco Bell Experience - he just dominated it with his rampaging and tearing of ACLs. The first episode of ElimiCave will clearly have to be at that Taco Bell near Findlay.

I've never had more fun in a Taco Bell than I did that night. I don't think I stopped laughing the entire time. And I had forgotten that you locked the doors to the car so Cave couldn't slip away from the conversation with the 40ish woman who was hitting on him. Brilliant.


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