Thursday, July 28, 2005

Apologies and such

1) Jeff - That LSU game was much more bizarre/incredible than I remembered it. And yes, that is the most horrible ending to a game I can remember...well since...

NCAA 2002 - Boise St. vs. UTEP
My blue field broncos were on a 90 game winning streak as we were looking for more in El Paso. A completely boring game was about to be completed, as the entire game was basically dominated by my ball control pass attack (think about it). Now let me set the stage: They had done a nice job keeping me out of the end zone and with 20 seconds left I kicked a FG to go up 27-14. No return was made on the kickoff which gave UTEP the ball at their own 20, with 18 seconds left...and no timeouts. When these incredible events happened...
1) Completed 40 yard hail mary to my 40 which I tackled them in-bounds a 7 sec play (11 left)
10) Exactly zero seconds are lost on their no huddle offense (11 sec left)
11) Another 40 yard hail mary complete for a TD which was tipped, between 4 defenders, and caught around the 6-7 yard line only to bust all 4 tackles, SIMULTANEOUSLY, and score. PAT good. 9 sec play. (2 seconds left) Score: 27-21
100) The ensuing onsides kick bounces directly off my player sideways to an entire grouping of UTEP players, they recover. Somehow, all this only take 1 second (1 second left)
101) As they still have one play left, they complete their third consecutive hail mary to win the game 28-27.

I was too confused to be upset. In summary, I had the ball up 2 scores with 20 seconds left and they won. This occurred without a turnover or a return. Incredulous.

2) Apology to Jeff...okay, so I messed up the lyrics....wait...I love the "toot"
3) Apology to Jeff revoked
4) Apology to Chris I got Rex and Rix confused...and really who can blame me for thinking chris rix would make a bonehead play?
5) Apology to all...I wish I could remember more of the players' names. All I got is Upton, Austin Manley, and I think one of Phil's RBs was named Betts. Oh, and "The Drake" plus "Spooky Hutchinson" since Phil renamed them to those names. more song..."doooo, do-dooooo, do-man boy love, do do do, do, the man boy love"



At 1:08 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Nipsey said...

First, this is a great topic. I think someone needed to mention that.

- I think Phil's RB was Ladell Betts. And of course, don't forget the Vaginal Bleeding Horses' Rusty Covington, who proved you can win the Heisman even if you only know how to run one play.

- I'm surprised the Diddy hasn't brought up the Flutists' defensive lineman (#90 I think) who was the most unsportsmanlike player in NCAA history. After every tackle he made, no matter how mundane, he would celebrate and taunt the opposition with more energy than a mascot on speed. And I must point out that I was rarely pressing any buttons when this would happen. This irritated Todd to no end, especially when he would be beating me by 4 TDs and this lineman was celebrating like he just single-handedly won the game for the Pink & Baby Blue.

Man I miss that game.

At 1:56 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Yeah, I’m pretty sure Phil has a RB named “Betts.” However, I seriously doubt it was Ladell Betts, seeing as how he’s an actual person who played RB at Iowa and is currently in the NFL:

At 1:58 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

I can't believe you forgot Rusty Covington, Todd. He was instrumental in defeating you in my proudest video game moment of all time - the epic double-OT game that allowed me to face (I think) Vagina Tech (sounds like a good name for a maxiel pad manufacturer) in the National Championship game.
Note: Rusty (a fitting name considering the Vagcretionation of my team) started off his Freshman year rated as only a 69 and ended up winning the Heisman when he was rated only 82.

Vagcretion Offensive Gameplan
While the counter was my bread and butter it wouldn't have worked without the other two plays/audibles that I ran. I'd use the counter whenever I could, but when the defense overcommitted to defend the counter I would hit them with one of the other two plays depending on the way the defense lined up.

Player Names
Who could forget the defensive backfield of Snoop & Dre? That was unbelievable. I don't know if they were any good, but what a sweet combination to have. Todd - you had these guys, didn't you?

Coach Names
What were the coach names? Names that sound familiar are Austin Manley, Bob Loblaw, and Justin Cidersnatch... Jackson - who was your coach? And I seem to remember that Scott had a big black man with a red mullet as his coach.

DE #90
DE #90 was one of my favorite players of all time. I think he celebrated when things happened in other games he wasn't even playing in. It was so rewarding watching Todd's reactions to him...

Team Icons
Of the icons, the Vagcretions had my favorite - but maybe because it was mine. An artist's depiction of the most violent menstruation ever... the power of the vagcretion was so strong that it stood the horse up and propelled him upwards. And the horse, understandably, had a fantastically upset expression on her face.

A very close second is Phil's - his icon was so beautiful in it's subtleness and the man-boy love it represented. Honorable Mention goes to Nips with that pink and blue flying dolphin phallus. Todd loses outright with easily the most boring icon. I award him no points and may God have mercy on his soul.

Man, I wish we could start up another dyNASTY...

At 2:14 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger The Diddy said...

I think Norman Dale said it best, "I love you guys"

Jeff-I began crying from laughter at work reading about DE #90. I totally forgot about him, and yes....I'm crying again!!...christ, that guy was something else.

Evan - Never speak of Rusty Covington again. However, his name was great.

Snoop and Dre - yes...I had them both on my starting O-Line for 3 straight years on NCAA 2003. It never got old seeing them listed at one and two on my guard depth chart.


"An artist's depiction of the most violent menstruation ever... the power of the vagcretion was so strong that it stood the horse up and propelled him upwards. And the horse, understandably, had a fantastically upset expression on her face."

I'd like to congratulate Evan for his best contribution yet. I had to stop reading...physically compose myself...and then finish it. My laughing convulsions were enough to make any bleeding horse proud.

Oh, never deny the OMEGA!!!


At 2:38 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Torgonator said...

Delayed reaction...

Nips - You know I don't like to argue with you (I'd much rather snuggle! teehee!) but there are some things which are too important to let go...

I need to back Todd up on the Pigskin U fight song. It was most definitely "toot" instead of "too". I don't know why you insist on fighting Phil and I on this point. "Toot" is what it was and will always be. You're probably thinking "Fuck you, Evan. It's my goddamn song so it'll be whatever I want it to be." That's where you're wrong. The song has transcended us all and belongs to the world now. And the world is clearly better off with it being "toot" instead of "too".

Especially because Nips singing "toot" always reminds me of him imitating Todd's fart with his own expressive "honk" in a manner that could only be described as "accurate and matter of fact" - as if everyone was silently wondering what a vocal representation of Todd's recent fart would sound like and Jeff felt compelled to demonstrate. That still makes me laugh to this day. One of my favorite Jeff moments - which is saying a lot.
Hmm... favorite Jeff moments would make for an incredible list - I think I'll need to work on that tonight.

At 3:25 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Nipsey said...

Indeed, Evan's description of his own logo was amazing.

I think I saw a Bill Nye episode where they re-created Evan's logo with some red food coloring, baking soda, and an empty 2-liter.

At 3:32 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger The Diddy said...

Early favorite Jeff moments....

The Ray-Bans....GRRRRRR!!!

Pissing all over himself behind a bush...and no one still knows how he did it.

Being drunk on the way to michigan...the whole scene...taco bell, the middle aged woman outside, hotsauce flying, not realising we were in michigan yet.

Picking up girls at Papa Johns

Pelvic thrusting on Evan's coffee table with no pants on after the national title game.

And it goes on like this...

At 3:42 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Nipsey said...

Seeing as how I was probably drunk for ALL of those, I'm surprised you didn't bring up Crunch 'n Munch.

I was bringing up Crunch 'n Munch that entire night. Think about it.

At 6:43 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

I'm so disappointed in myself - I haven't got a CLUE what my coach's name was. Alas.

And you can talk about "best logos" all you want, but the inaugural "Shockerville Stinky Pinky" logo, which was the old "buzz" logo from NCAA 2002, stil reigns supreme in my book. Just thinking of that blue-haired crackeye'd face on my helmets and all over midfield makes me feel all warm and sticky in my pantsal region.

And I'd like it to be on the record that, before I adopted Rice's bizarre Wishbone/Shotgun playbook, I was about the biggest "I-Twins, Counter to the Strong Side" guy out there.

Oh, and I love that in one of these posts, Todd had the good taste to use the proper spelling of the Phalljk Dolphins. Made me laugh out loud to see it again.

And I'd like to point out that one of the years on the '03 version, when it was still just me, Todd, and Phil, one year the Man-Boy Love had the greatest defense (or maybe just "defensive backfield") in the history of that game. He was able to run dime coverage the entire game, and his DBs broke up every single pass you threw and flew up to stuff the run if necessary. Plus - speaking of names - The Drake, his All-American LB-turned-DE, was blowing up your OL on every play. It was absolutely infuriating.

I'm sorry, but trying to come up with a "Jeff's Greatest Moments" list will only make me angry, because there are so many that I just won't be able to remember, and it'll just make me angry. So I'll just say I loves me some Nips, and leave it at that. However, if Evan wishes to do a post about it, I'd be more than giddy to hear it and possibly amend it.


At 6:47 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Oh, and it needs to be said: Jeffy, you and Evan both need to create actual, nice, full profiles. Pictures is easy, I'm pretty sure they have directions there when you do it. So do it.


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