Monday, May 23, 2005

Things that drive me crazy

Anyone who reads this blog (yes, that means both of you) is probably well aware of the MWB’s collective hatred of Dan LeBastard, one of the ringleaders of the "devil’s advocate" school of journalism, which I’ve surmised is basically the print version of shockjock radio. LeBastard’s apparent constant desire to be abrasive and take positions that defy common sense, and, often, common human decency, have been documented on here before. Well now LeBastard has jumped up into the select class of people that I like to label...

People I Would Murder With My Bare Hands if I Were Ever Given the Chance

Why wasn’t he there before? Well, I have no idea. Why is he definitely there now? Because of this. I hate this man so much that it quite literally becomes difficult for me to see or even think whenever I even hear his name mentioned. He is one of the few people about whom honestly believe the world would be a better place for all if he were to just disappear, and would definitely be a better place for me if I were able to strangle him with a phone cord, or bludgeon him with some sort of blunt instrument. Seriously. I would have a big, dumb grin on my face as they walked me (entirely willingly) to the electric chair. And people would be cheering for me. I’d be a national hero to droves of ESPN viewers, and ... all right, I should stop, before I actually talk myself into driving to Miami and murdering someone. If I take a vacation to Florida, it should be a little better than that. Although killing him would be an immense amount of fun ... no, no. Stop it.

And hey, I’m already angry, so why not: we have an update on Clemson twelfth-year senior quarterback Charlie Whitehurst, from CFN’s column on "10 senior QBs who may have huge seasons": "If Whitehurst was listed on the NASDAQ, he’d be a strong buy this summer. Coming off the worst season of his football life, he’s just too talented not to rebound in 2005." Wait, I think ... my head is going to ... YYYAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH.

And it wouldn’t be a fantasy baseball league if several people weren’t pissing me off simultaneously, but right now, it’s Barry F. Zito. He is killing tens of thousands of fantasy teams around the country, and hey, guess what. Mine is one of them. Mr. Zito has a paltry 1 win on the season, and is sporting an ERA over 5.00. And I can’t drop him, because as soon as I do, someone else will pick him up and he’ll go on an 8-game winning streak or something. I am sick and goddamned tired of Barry Zito. He is PISSING me OFF.


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