Friday, April 22, 2005

Last post for a while

Yeah, so it's exam time. Since Todd bitched at me for not posting more often in the past week, I figured I would sate (and, probably, horrify) the appetites of both of our loyal readers by informing them that I won't be posting again - barring extraordinary and unforeseen circumstances - for about two weeks, and that they're stuck with Diddy Mao (whose idea of hotness is apparently a hearing aid-wearing asian man in a boa?) during that time frame. Let him take you on a wild ride, as he refuses to talk about the NBA playoffs, plays GTA: San Andreas and Mario Tennis for days on end, and masturbates as he 1.) looks at pictures of asian men, and 2.) thinks about Kerry Wood. DIDDY-UP, PAHTNAH!!


At 11:00 PM, April 22, 2005, Anonymous torgonator said...

The only thing I learned in that post is that Jackson is apparently not turned on by the hearing aid-wearing asian man with a boa.


At 4:02 PM, April 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nips here. So, w/ Fu on the 15 day DL (or something like that), I'm gonna do my best to help fill the Jared Void in the blog w/ some long-winded comments here. Now don't worry. It's not gonna just be ridiculously long posts about soccer and more of me fawning over topless Asian men wearing hearing aids.


The Crew sucks. (There, didn't take long.)
I love topless men wearing hearing aids from ALL continents.

See? How's that for breaking Nipples stereotypes? (They're better hard.)

Anyway, a few random thoughts:

- Yesterday on the DroppaDeuce, there was extensive juggling coverage. With play-by-play from Penn from Penn&Teller. Do yourself a favor and read those last 2 sentences again. (Actually Teller might have been there. There's just no way of knowing.)

- Ever since I saw all 58 overtimes he played in, I've been a pretty big Matt Jones fan. So needless to say, I'm excited to see what he can do in the NFL. The real question though is what are we supposed to call him now? Antwaan Randle-Jones? Matt Randle-El? Honky Slash? What are we gonna settle on?

- Maybe someone can help me out here. After watching the draft last weekend, I really started to ponder he who is Mel Kiper. I mean, he's a cult-like figure (if only because of the hair) and while he's not perfect, I think his opinions and anal cysts are at least better than those of the average ESPN stooge. So my question is why do we only see him for something like 2 weeks every year? The guy obviously watches a ton of NCAA football. They can't give him an analyst job somewhere? A Thursday night color guy? I know he's probably not a former player or coach, but who would you rather have doing a game you're watching, Rod Gilmore or Mel Kiper? Hell, put Holly Rowe's fuzzy pink hat on him and let him roam the sidelines. (On a side note, Mel already has A.J. Hawk in his Top 5 for the 2006 draft.)

- And speaking of Buckeye football, please tell me someone else saw the spring game Saturday. If you didn't, you missed my new favorite player. Because if Huston doesn't get his 6th year of eligibility, this man may be our placekicker:

Forget the fact he missed a PAT. Instead of hearing Ted Nugent whenever we kick a field goal, we could get Lil John.


- Nips

(By the way, I defer to Todd for the obligatory Spooky Hutchison joke. Don't let me down, buddy.)

At 4:29 PM, April 28, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cardinal Musberger: "THERE'S THAT VATICAN!"

Okay, one last thought on the whole Pope Floats election thing and Eggs Benedict XVI.
I'm not gonna debate the merits of Ratzinger's ideology or qualifications here, but as both a Catholic and a sports fan, I was obviously a little disappointed. I mean Ratzinger winning was like seeing 3 one seeds and a two seed make the Final Four. Yawn. Contrast that with John Paul II. When he was elected in 1978 it was like Villanova beating Georgetown. Totally unbelievable. So I'm sorry Joe, I was just hoping for a Pope Pittsnogle.

- Nips I

At 4:31 PM, April 28, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what's funny? Chad Johnson trying to hit a golf ball. Can we please get him and Phil Ivey to attend the Cuervo. There's a Last Place trophy I'm not too keen on defending.

- Nips

At 5:37 PM, April 28, 2005, Anonymous torgonator said...

Nipsy - It looks like it's just down to the two of us now, and neither one of us can make real posts. At least we have each other.

"Antwaan Randle-Jones? Matt Randle-El? Honky Slash?" - I peed my pants when I read that.

And I agree a little bit with what you're saying about Mel Kiper. Maybe this is just me, but in my opinion he's about the same level as an average ESPN analcyst. Most of the time when Mel says something, I say to myself "God, what an idiot.". But I guess that's because I don't typically agree with anything the guy says. I'll admit that this year I didn't have as many of those moments, but I wouldn't be excited about him doing any color commentary. I don't like his delivery and I don't tend to agree with his analycysts.

But compare him to (insights from!) Rod Gilmore or Mark May and I'd take him in an instant. I'd take anyone over those losers.

At 6:52 PM, April 28, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...


"Honky Slash" was probably a hall of fame moment for the Nipsmeister. Bravo.

And Nips, my bro-shot is coming to Kinerkton for the Cuervo this year, so you will certainly have some heavy competition for last place.

RE: Mel Kiper
The guy's an idiot, and he bugs the hell out of me, but you can't put a price on the comedy provided by his little pre-taped features leading up to the draft, where he previews "linebackers" or "wide receivers." It always involves clips of the college kids making plays in games, intercut with shots of Kiper in these random college football-esque places, like in the tunnel leading out to Doak Campbell Stadium, or sitting on the bench in front of the bench press in someone's weight room. Always good for a few laughs.

Off-topic: since my first exposure to her was from the movie "Newsies," I've never really thought of Ann-Margret in any kind of sexual or even semi-sexual context. But as I type, "The Cincinnati Kid" is on TCM, and good God almighty. Ann-Margret circa 1964 was one of the HOTTESTTT creatures to ever walk this planet. *Drooooooool*

Sidenote to a sidenote: Steve McQueen! Huzzah! A film featuring one of the coolest motherfuckers in cinema history and one of the hottest women this planet has ever seen, both in their respective primes? Yes, please!

Back to studying. Ciao.

At 9:43 AM, April 29, 2005, Anonymous torgonator said...

Don't believe Jack Fu, Nips! The trick about Al-Jizzle showing up someplace is that you have to sincerely believe that there's no way he's coming. (Editor's Note: I really want to tie this in to the opening scene in Swingers where Mike talks with what's-his-face about how you have to forget a girl before she'll want you back and you can't just pretend to forget about her, because somehow she knows. But, alas, this was the only way I could think to do it. There's the rub.)

Also, Steve McQueen is ridiculously cool. I'll have to check out The Cincinnati Kid sometime; I hear it's a classic. And I've always heard that Ann Margaret wasn't too shabby back in the day...

At 4:11 PM, April 29, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, first things first. Go to this extremely educational website and keep clicking refresh.

- Huston just got his 6th year of eligibility. On the plus side, that helps our kicking game tremendously. Unfortunately though, that means we have to wait at least one more year for either Jonathon Skeete Skeete Skeete or Ryan Pretorius Maximus (both redshirt freshmen) to emerge as the Bucks' kicker.

- Okay Fu, in the last few weeks, you've extolled the physical beauty of Suzy Kolber, Michelle Tafoya, and the prehistoric Ann-Margret. So Fu, it's 11:00. Do you know where your testacles are? And what's with the hyphen? Did her first name marry her last name?

- As for his Al-mighty being at the Cuervo, I'll believe it when I see it. How old is he now? I thought part of the problem was that Di nixed things because Al was underage. Somehow, she must have been under the impression that there would be ALCOHOL at the CUERVO Open.

- Okay, here's some fun quotes courtesy of

"He had to cut the wind with his balls, which is something we had to see."
-- 49ers coach Mike Nolan commenting on the team's private workout with Alex Smith before the 2005 Draft

"He might've won the war, but the battle's not over."
-- Cadillac Williams on his friendly competition with Auburn teammate Ronnie Brown, who was picked three spots higher than him in the 2005 NFL Draft

"It moisturizes my situation and maintains my sexy."
-- P. Diddy in an infomercial for Proactiv skin care

"I'm blessed to have great friends, and there are a lot of men in my life who've been more than just friends."
-- Jim Nantz in the April 2005 Golf Digest

My favorite's the one from P. Diddy (not to be confused with T Diddy).

And I think Nantz is talkin about the Fudge (Not to be confused with Dr. Fudge).

I'm out for now.

- Nips


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