Thursday, April 21, 2005

Current events and asians

I hate is as much as you do, but I need to mention the NBA playoffs right quick. More specifically, that one team that didn't make them, the cavs. I've heard some NBA analcysts saying that this is the biggest choke job in their history or at least the most disappointing moment in franchise history. Maybe not. Anyone remember Jordan over Ehlo with a fist pump? Yes you remember b\c the video clip will NEVER go away. Yes, it was a major choke job, but let's be fair, it's the cavs. They went 42-40. How many times have they been over .500 recently? Not many. They have a bunch of good young players with Pavolic and Varajao leading the way. If they get rid of one of their point guards, get a shooter and a legit starting PG, this team will win over 50 games next year. Lebron needs help, and he needs to let them help. I think that the NBA-types are mostly pissed b\c Lebron and Kobe aren't in the playoffs. Let's remember, it's more about marketing than anything in the NBA, and that's why I hate myself for discussing it this much. Moving on...

Saturday is the greatest eight hours of continuous coverage of the year, the NFL draft. I'll be watching it. Hopefully in it's entirety. Here's what I'll be looking for and some odds.

Over/Under on length of first round: 5 hours 15 minutes
Yes, it's long. In fact, they've had longer. It may go that long with several teams looking to trade down. I think I might take the under, but not by much.

Merrill Hoge saying "national football league" during any statement: 5-2
While watching espn's no stop pre-draft coverage, he said it 8 times in less than one minute. I'm not exaggerating. That happened.

Mark Schlereth saying "football player" while discussing someone: 2-1
He says it a lot. WHO-HA?

Hank Goldberg discussing the Dolphins and being in Miami: 1-5
That's right, you lose money by if you win.

Mel Kiper Jr. mentions a measurable number while discussing any player: 4-3
He loves his numbers.

Mel Kiper Jr. beating off while discussing Mike Williams: 10-1
You never know

Mel Kiper Jr. ripping his hair out if Mike Williams isn't drafted in the top 15: 100-1
That hair can't move, C'MON!!!!

A fight breaking out between Kiper and Hoge: 7-1
And Kiper wins: 800-1
Mel may have the heart, but his combine showed weakness in the shuttle drill

Over/under where Derrick Johnson is picked: Pick 9

The Nuge going in round 2: 7-2
I think he will, no matter what Evan says

Odds that the browns will fuck up the draft: 1-1
I need some new teams.

In other news, while I was going my usual new gathering, I came across an interesting article. It turns out that Chinese men's dongs aren't much smaller than anyone else. I'm not buying it and think that Yao was included, but I figure that's good news for Jeff. It also turns out that Asian men like to have sex with other men. This study told me so. I mean, it must be rampant if they needed to do a study on it. I also love that it's called the Young Asian Men's Study, that's right...a study on YAMS.

At least Jeff has some friends.

Also, the study is being performed by the Center for AIDS Prevention Studies (CAPS) which gives a whole new meaning to putting a Caps in my ass. I suppose that some Asians are straight. I know, it's tragic. And if you happen to be such a person (which is also a liar), then I suggest checking out here (I can't wait until it's finished) and here (I highly suggest tidbits 3 and 5). And just because I can, and because I love Jeff, here's an Asian hunk to close it out. I love that neckware!!! Teehee!!! I <3 boys!!!

"Call me at (877) GOT-YAMS. I get rucky wit you eigh time in row!!! Dat's eight RUCKY!!"


At 4:58 PM, April 22, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Talk about Asian overload! Wait. No such thing! Thanks Todd !!!

By the way, Yao was totally in that study. There's no way they get those results unless his giant Mao Tse Dong and Great Balls of China are involved.

Now, onto more sportsish stuff. The Cavs choke job, as Todd said, was bad but not THAT bad. If the Cavs get a decent coach, Michael Redd, & re-sign OurDrunas, they'll be fine.

I'm looking forward to the Draft. It'll give me something to watch after I realize 5 minutes into it that the Spring Game is boring. (For the record, I'd put money on whichever team the Terror Dome is on - Gray I think.)

Anyway, I got the over for 1st round in 5:15. Way too many trade possibilities. Everyone's gonna take their entire 15. And the Kiper odds on choking the bald guy till he pukes while talking about Mike Williams is WAY too high. It should be like 2-1.

Alex Smith to the Niners
Nooj to the Vikings in Rd. 2
Derrick Johnson to the HonoluluBlu
Braylon to the Browns (please! let me be wrong)

I'm out.

- Nips

At 6:02 PM, April 22, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

I don't know what's wrong with you, Nips. Braylon is fantastic. I hate the motherfucker, but if the Leos got him, I'd be giddy as Todd at an all-boys school's recess.

I will be similarly giddy if Derrick Johnson falls to pick #10, too. The Lions' LB corps for the next seven years will look like a who's who of 2002 college all-stars: Boss Bailey at SLB, Teddy Lehman at MLB, and Derrick Johnson at WLB. With Alex Lewis as the primary backup. Ath-eh-leticism, ho!

At 10:56 PM, April 22, 2005, Anonymous torgonator said...

1.) Another reason why the Cavs' choke job wasn't really: they fired their head coach at the beginning of the playoff run. And I think we were overachieving for much of the season. But I'm an idiot.

2.) Nuge goes in the 3rd. You can all praise me after all 10 hours of the draft tomorrow.

3.) I'm not sold on Edwards either. He made a lot of great catches his Senior year, but he dropped everything his Junior year. And his drop at the end of the OSU game this past season doesn't make me feel any better about him. And the fact that he's a Michigan wide receiver is not only an irritation, but if recent history has taught us anything it's that Michigan receivers don't do well in the NFL. He may end up being great, but I'd be nervous if the Browns took him.

On the other side of the coin, however, I'm not really sold on anyone who could be taken in the #3 spot. Alex Smith? Maybe. Aaron Rodgers? Definitely not. Ronnie Brown? Maybe, but that doesn't help the Browns. Derrick Johnson? Nope - too high to take him. The only guy I would be comfortable with is Antrel Rolle, but I think it's a stretch to take him as high as #3. So pretty much, I'll be nervous with anyone we take unless we're miraculously able to trade down somehow. Here's to hoping the Vikings or Skins want Braylon badly enough...

4.) I am going to punch Mel Kiper in the fallopian tubes and I won't regret it at all. He rubs me the wrong way, exactly the way that Jeff doesn't.

5.) LMAOSMTIHTYAYIA!!! Who gets it? Todd does.

At 10:21 AM, April 23, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

And yes, I certainly appreciate any 8 Rucky reference. Indianaporis's home for the finest samon you could ever eat.

And I have to disagree with all of you: that was a MASSIVE collapse by the Cavs. Not "Red Sox in '78" or anything, but still. Yes, they overachieved through much of the first half of the season, but as little as a month and a half ago, they basically had the 4-seed in the east locked up. And then they started losing, and losing, and losing, and not even Dick Bavetta could pull them out it (with LeBron's 0 personal fouls in 46 minutes played against the Pistons last Sunday). Firing their coach didn't help matters, but that was nonetheless a precipitous collapse. Still, they'll be fine in the future. The team is in good hands. Just like Jeff's penis.

At 1:06 PM, April 23, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Yahoo draft analcyst on Braylon Edwards:

* One thing that hasn't been talked about a great deal about Edwards: He's gotten better every single year at Michigan. That's not a small detail
* Edwards can get even better on the NFL level, and that's a tremendously frightening thing to say about a guy who was already considered one of the best in college football.

At 12:25 PM, April 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, I guess Matt Millen believes in taking the best player available, regardless of position.

- Nips

At 1:15 PM, April 26, 2005, Anonymous torgonator said...

A Cavaliers "collapse" I agree with, but I don't think it was much of a "choke job". I see a difference there.

Collapse indicates that things were going well and everything fell apart, for whatever reason. "Choke job" implies that the team was supposed to win, but a collapse happened as a result of all the pressure.

In my opinion, the Cavs were overachieving for a good part of the season and it finally caught up to them and they couldn't figure out how to adjust. Firing the coach complicated matters. The disappearance of McInnis from the court confused things. They weren't really as bad as they ended up, but they weren't as good as they started the season, either. So there's probably a little bit of choking (the chicken) going on there, but I don't think it's as bad as some people make it out to be. The collapse, however, was indeed impressive.

But I'll reiterate, I'm a basketball moron.

And I really hope Braylon pans out. I just hope that Phil Savage's ability can overcome the momentum of terrible drafting this team has had for a long time. I'll continue to be nervous until these guys perform (understandably, I think).


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