Sunday, April 10, 2005

A look at how good things could be...

While in contemplation of Fu's update of the Mike Jackson trial, I attended a JV softball double-header. I'm serious. After I realized what incredible false advertisement that name is, I then realized one glaring point: 15 year old girls are really fucking annoying. But then the true insight hit me: Despite how irritating they were, girls essentially peak at 15. Think about it!! They don't have anything to say, they're irritating, and they DO wear a shirt, which makes them no different than older girls. However, as girls get older, they expect you to listen to them, 15 year olds don't. All the good stuff (I'm talking boobs people) has developed without the bad stuff (I'm talking freshman 15 people) getting there yet. And great for society, they can't drive. Well, girls can never drive, but they aren't allowed at 15. Nonetheless, they're still annoying, even at their peak of 15. So where's that leaves us? I think you know...little boys.

Therefore, Michael has it all figured out. Women nag and bitch, little boys sit quiet and play with trucks. Which would you rather deal with? Who hasn't complained about women in their life? I've never heard anyone say a bad word about little boys. Wives and girlfriends can get pregnant, little boys only gestate love and power rangers. Plus, little boys have penises, that really puts the score one-sided.

Above: MJ demonstrating the Nambla approved shocker while singing "Touch the Sky (Those aren't the words Er)"

I know he's a weirdo, but he's really probably the good guy in this crazy mixed up world. He never got a childhood, so he's giving the one he wanted to have to so many deserving little boys. He's giving them what every little boy wants: an enormous playground ranch and unlimited showers with a middle-aged playmate. In fact, you might say Mr. Jackson is the victim. Maybe those 9-year-old boys will do anything for an MJ BJ. Maybe the little ones can't get enough of the NAMBLA approved beverage of Diet Coke and Merlot. Could it be that Michael is the one being used? If you're a loyal reader of this site, then the answer is clearly NO. HE'S GETTING TO MAKE OUT WITH LITTLE BOYS!!! Nothing can change that, so he's still the big winner. Also, never forget the neon-green underwear. So perfectly tiny!!!

Will we look back someday and see Michael as a trendsetter? Someone who got humanity back to its Greek roots of pre-teen male concubines? Will I ever include a more disturbing hyperlink? I think we can all hope the answer is yes. If only for the children.


At 2:45 PM, April 10, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

"I've never heard anyone say a bad word about little boys."

Well, not about little boys who KNOW TO KEEP THEIR GODDAMN MOUTHS SHUT.


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