Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Pope on a rope

No, this post will not discuss possible pope suicide by way of hanging. Although, I kinda wish it did. However, a new pope was elected today. Some 78-year-old German. He won't even have to commit suicide. The ravages of age will do the trick soon enough. His new elderly holiness was chosen over several worthy candidates. There was another cardinal challenger who was nominated late and made a strong push at the end.


Above: Before being nominated

Below: After hearing the nomination.


Tragically he just couldn't get enough votes to overtake the kraut. Even though the tree is known as a great leader and for a pine-fresh sent, he just couldn't overcome for his liberal cardinal views and being "prickly that hurts." Oh, for fun

It feels like a two-part post.

I'm overdue for another pointless list of which I decide. Today's list? Worst baseball free agent pickups of the last 5 years. It maybe should be the most unfortunate, but I've already titled it. Anyway, let's see how it goes.

5) Chan Ho Fart - Rangers 2002
So back in ought-2 the rangers decided they needed to improve their pitching. The answer? Overspend on a quality starter. What they did? Overspend on Chan Ho Park. In the 2 years with the dodgers before the texas pay day, Fart averaged 17 wins and an era of about 3.60. In his 3 years since with texas, he's averaged 4 and a half wins and eras of 5.75, 7.58, and 5.46. However, he is still with the team, but that's probably b\c no one wants that salary. Well done texas, you get spot number 5.

4) Robbie Alomar - Mets 2002
Mr. Spitter averaged .323/20/100 and 34SB in the four years with the Indians before the deal to switch to the NL. His 2 seasons with the Mets? .264/7/35 and 6 SB per season. That's quite a change. Also, he gets major bonus points for single-handedly ruining my fantasy team in '02. That fuck.

3) Juan Gone - Tigers 2000
Let's face it, he never wanted to go there, cried about the deep fences, and was a pentulent child. He spent one season in Detroit before skipping town. In 2000 he went .289/22/67, which isn't terrible. However, in the years that surround 2000 he went .326/39/128 and .325/35/140. Just think Tiger fans, if he'd even approached that they might have made the playoffs. And don't you think management would have checked to make sure he wanted to be a Tiger? I guess not.

2) Mike Hampton - Rockies 2001
At one point, someone actually thought you could pitch in Coors with the right guy. The rockies spent about $90 mill on a great sinker baller with the thought he'd keep in down and show pitching could be done well in Denver...whoops. In the previous SEVEN season before joining colorado he never had an era higher than 3.80. That's good. Two season in coors? 5.41 and 6.15. Wow, that's quite a change. We all learned that no pitch can break at all in the thin air and the rockies screwed themselves with a huge contract. But that wasn't enough to bring home number one...

1) Derek Bell - Pirates 2001
Pittsburgh in a small market team, so a 2-year/9.6 million contract means something. That's what they paid for Derek Bell. He's the worst pick-up because he was already sucking when they got him. He had hit .330 about 4 years before that and had done nothing since. Plus, it's freaking derek bell, everyone knew he sucked. but the pirates were desperate, and they got what they paid for...46 total games .173/5/13 in a half season. He then got hurt and demoted to AAA where he rode out the rest of his contract and the buckos had to pay it. I hope that GM lost his job, b\c he should have been shot.

Didn't make the cut
Griffey Jr. (Reds) - He's at least be helpful when healthy which hasn't been often. But his first year in cincy was solid
Moises Alou (Cubs) - He did NOTHING until his contract year. I hate him.
The Dodgers - They really wanted to be the yankees of the NL and overspend to get great players. They accomplished the overspend, but forgot great players. Karros, Mondesi, Dreifort?? Those guys did nothing and made a butt load of money. Basically like the current Knicks. But the nba would be another list for another day.

5 Comments:

At 4:35 PM, April 20, 2005, Anonymous torgonator said...

1.) Your Stanford Cardinal would have been funnier if you had switched the two photos. He hardly looks crushed "after the nomination".

2.) I think it's cute you think that the Tiger management would have the ability to use "wants to play for the Tigers" as a decision point. If the Tigers in 2000 were concerned about who actually wanted to be there, they would have no team.

3.) I think it would be worth noting that Juan Gone very quietly ended up on the Indians roster again this year. It doesn't qualify to be on the top of anyone's "worst pick-up" list, but I still find it strange.

4.) CUERVO!

 
At 8:00 PM, April 20, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it should also be noted that Ken Griffey's son was acquired in a trade, not through free agency. Also, it should be noted that Pokey Reese was such a hot commodity at one point that the Reds refused to include him in that trade, with Jim Bowden even saying that Pokey was the only "untouchable" on the roster.

Joel

 
At 8:50 PM, April 20, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

He didn't say anyone should "want to play for the Tigers." He said that Gonzalez so obviously DIDN'T want to be a Tiger that they maybe, just maybe, shouldn't have pursued him. Of course, bitching the day after he was picked up that he wanted the fences at Comerica moved in didn't endear him to the fan base. And the fact that he sat out almost half the year with a fake injury didn't help matters.

And the thing is, that's the best Tiger team we've had since I was 12. They made a legitimate push for the wild card that year - they finished with the 2nd-best record after the all-star break in the majors (behind only the Yankees). It was basically the only time in my life that I was actually excited about baseball.

I was trying to think of the key players on that Tiger team the other day. Their roster mainly looked like this:

1B - Tony Clark
2B - Damion Easley
SS - Deivi Cruz
3B - Dean Palmer
OF - Bobby Higginson
OF - Juan Encarnacion
OF - Juan Gonzalez/Wendell Magee
C - Brad Ausmus
DH - Luis Polonia/Rich Becker

With a rotation of:
Brian Moehler
Jeff Weaver
Dave Mlicki
Steve Sparks
Hideo Nomo
And 2nd-ballot Pornstache Hall-of-Fame closer Todd Jones

And that team made an honest-to-God run at the playoffs! With Gonzalez barely playing half the year! What the hell was going on?

And I just saw Michelle Tafoya in a candid shot talking to Cheryl Miller in the stands at the Bulls/Pacers game. And Tafoya looked kinda frisky. I've never felt that way about her before. Should I feel bad about this? Scared? Can I get a ruling from Nips's Semi-Sexist Handbook of Sideline Bitches?

 
At 12:23 PM, April 21, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Ultra-rare Appeal To Jeff?
I love it!

I didn't see the clip, but you should be scared, ashamed, confused about your sexuality, etc. The words "Tafoya" and "frisky" don't belong in the same sentence. Tafoya only looked good because she was sitting next to Cheryl Miller.

And I'm not sure if he was a free agent pick-up, but Mo Vaughn has to at least be mentioned here. In 2003, his final season in the majors, Mo played 27 games, hit .190, smacked all of 3 home runs, and had 15 RBI. The Mets paid him over 17 million dollars to do this.

Oh yeah, and can we get a picture of the Tree getting dunked on by the Syracuse Orange. Just to piss Evan off.

- Nips

 
At 3:03 PM, April 21, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

I'm telling you, Nips, I was as shocked as you are. But honestly ... what's wrong with me?

And I'm shocked Todd didn't include the 4-year, $23.5 million contract that his beloved Cubbies gave to Todd Hundley in 2000, only to release him two years into it. Maybe he blocked it out of his memory...

 

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