OSU @ LSU

I got out my notebook for the game last night. I figured, if we lost, I could write another painful post, if we won... so here goes.



Pregame: On Fox they show 2 famous sports alums to talk about each school's history. We have Jack...they have Shaq. By the end of Shaq's segment he's wearing a space helmet and yelling one of his stupid ass "Can you dig it?!" lines that no one ever really liked, they were just scared that if they didn't act like it was cool he would beat them up.



The National Anthem is being played by a drunk jazz band and takes longer than Bleeding Gums Murphy's version.



Tonight's theme: "Hey, remember last year?" To make sure we remember last year, Urban Meyer gets to sit there and do a poor job of being humble. Eddie George leaves his soul at the security entrance and plays along.



As the teams run out I say a little prayer that no one breaks an ankle...remember last year? Of course I do...I would have forgotten, but Fox was there for me.



Oh wonderful! Here in Missouri there are 2 dozen funnel clouds around the St. Louis area so my girlfriend's 40 inch widescreen TV is now down to 37 inches because of the stupid outline that has to go 3/4 of the way around...giant weather map taking up the III quadrant of the screen. Beautiful.



Chris Meyers seems to be sprouting a mullet for the upcoming NASCAR season.



The All-State CEO gives his little speech about good hands and to make it apparent he's never been to a sporting event. I bet his son sucks at little league but gets drafted first every year because daddy buys the team shakes afterward, really good shakes, like the half and half's at Steak-n-Shake(get back on track Dur).



Kickoff, we don't score...late hit ignored, apparently the refs are nervous too.



And the first play from scrimmage is...shrunk because now we have to see the damn lottery numbers--Fuck this cable!



Wells, 65 yards, doesn't break foot! We all know this means nothing!



Speaking of, there's a Ginn sighting. Looks like Teddy has come out to support...the White Sox? He chose that hat? I understand not wearing his Dolphins stuff but why?



LSU runs the "Notre Dame snap" and we soon get the ball back.



(1 commercial mention) New commercials! New music so hip and "commercially" even Zach Braff is asking, "What band is this?"



We return to a field goal set up by Sane's catch out of the "Eff having a backfield!" formation.



This Stelz guy has to have herpes. Other white LSU stars...Hester, seems to be better than the Northwestern white running backs we've faced over the years.

71 holds several people and they get a big gain. Wait what? (a ghost whispers) Go ahead and hold all you want this game!



(Why is it a ghost?...because I'm tired and can't think of anything better)



Flynn tries a few draw plays. Flynn is to Teabow,as what I am to Teabow. I hope they keep trying those.

A black midget (not quite as rare as an Asian one) named Holiday defers his handoff and Flynn has to eat it again.



haha More like "Douchette!"



Wow, we're looking great. Great like Super Bowl XXII's Denver Broncos who also took a 10-0 lead.



First quarter totals:



OSU: 10

LSU: 3

References to last year: 76

Chris referring to aggressive play calling: 23



LSU finally scores on a tricky little play. I'm pretty sure everyone but the center ended up being a receiver on that one. We used to run it in 4th grade at recess. Flynn threw it before we got to "10 alligator" so the pass rush was late.



Wells bitchslaps someone and seems to be running the ball well tonight. (Tressel's head: Hmm, he's running it so well, they'll probably expect that we stick to that gameplan...boy are they in for a surprise!)



Uh oh 17-10...I'm deflated.



If this fucker says, "Dialed up..." one more time...



FUCKING FUCK FUCK...SON OF A BITCH WE'RE THE FUCKING BUFFALO BILLS OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL, WE HAVE TO HEAR THIS SHIT FROM THE "SOUF" FOR ANOTHER DECADE ON TOP OF THE ONE THEY STARTED LAST YEAR. FUCK.





I give up on blog pretty early. Girlfriend sees notes and says, "Honey, you're so full of rage."