Tuesday, February 15, 2005

The February dark ages

Football is officially over, hockey may never come back, baseball isn't ready to go yet, it's still a month from the tourney, and the NBA, is well, the NBA. All of these statements mean we've reached the dark age of the sports calendar. There's very little going on and the buildup for March 17th and the tip off the ncaa tourney is like the excitement of sean on a fat girl. However, there is one event to divert our attention: The Daytona 500!!! It's the super bowl of racing people. Dale Jarrett has the pole and my boy Jeff Gordon gets inside position on row 2. What does all of this mean?? Other than Fu threatening to "drive to my house and shoot me with a gun" if I made a NASCAR post, it means it's the Great American Race and we should all pay more attention.

Rainbow Connection
Gordon would have more fans if he brought back the stache and skoal patch.

Don't you even try and tell me that 100 million rednecks are wrong and aren't important. They elected a president!! If that many hillibillies are wrong, I don't wanna know what right is. Nonetheless, I'll be bringing you fine readers more Nascar coverage as the week continues. Also, I'm considering doing an SOC on the race. Who's ready for some left turn action?!?! I would also suggest that everyone else watch this pure americana event in an attempt to feel more patriotic, drunk, and toothless. I know that I'll be planted square in front, cheering on my rainbow warriors to circular victory. Time for a pit stop...

Shifting gears (segway): I'm also gonna bring up a new list for discussion so that Fu won't cry that much. Studio personalities are an often overlooked part of the sports scene. I wanna rate the best and worst of them. Here's the criteria:
- It can be any sport
- If they also do game announcing, that doesn't count, only their in studio work.
- That's it

Staring at number five and working down, here we go!!

5) Barry Melrose - Hockey (ESPN)
I know that hockey is gone and may never be coming back, but I really enjoy Melrose's work. He's having fun, he seems to know his stuff, and it's a great org-n-i-za-tion. He gets massive bonus points for his sweet mullet.

4) Charles Barkley - NBA (TNT)
He never stops making fun of people. The NBA is full of moronic characters and somehow Chuck is the only one willing to call them out. If you do something stupid, he'll point it out. He also brings a different viewpoint the the table that no one else has. If you wanna be entertained, he's your guy.

3) Tom Jackson - NFL Countdown (ESPN)
Uniform colored suits aside, he's fantastic. He really knows his stuff to breakdown film and give solid insights about the player perspective of the game. There's a whole bunch of former players doing this type of job, and he's the only one that's any good (maybe Steve Young). Well spoken, well calculated responses, and he also laughs at all of Berman's jokes.

2) Chris Fowler - Gameday (ESPN)
He is, without question, the greatest studio host of all-time, in the history of the world. A perfect blend of interjection and let corso rant. A synergy of mind and body. Always flawless reasoning and rationale. I love him, and I want to get him some water.

1) Jay Bilas - NCAA Basketball (ESPN)
The best knowledge of the game of anyone I've ever seen in a studio. It helps that it's the game I understand the best as well so I can really get an appreciation for what he's doing. But he'll show you how the flex cut worked. He'll give you a taste of how to beat a zone. His insight in unmatched in basketball. I feel bad for the other people in the studio with him. He's so superior to their ability, they should just cry. You eat like this Steve Jarvis!!!

I'll save my, "oh my god, why are they tv?" for the next post.

Closing thoughts.
-The 2004 election could have been halo style: red vs. blue.
-I watched Arizona/Providence on classic sports from the 1997 tourney. How did Arizona win that tourney?? They had no post presence. Also, any team with God Shamgod and Austin Croshere should have won. Croshere had a jerri curl, I swear.
-If you're ever heading east out of Findlay, Ohio on US 224, keep your eyes peeled. There's a automotive store named the "Servex Center". [insert joke here]



At 3:50 PM, February 15, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

My exact quotation was "If you post about NASCAR, I will shoot you. Next time I see you, I will have a gun, and I will shoot you with it."

At 3:54 PM, February 15, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

And I'm not sure when you last watched a college basketball game on ESPN, but Jay Bilas totally does games now.

At 4:21 PM, February 15, 2005, Blogger The Diddy said...

I know Bilas does games, but I've seen him doing studio work as recent as last week. He can multitask ya know.

At 5:18 PM, February 15, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...


And who are you to say that '97 Arizona had no post presence? What, A.J. Bramlett and Bennett Davison aren't good enough for you? With Eugene (pre-1999 "Edge-er-son"; post-'99 "Ed-gar-son") Edgerson coming off the bench? And even if you don't buy into them, look at the guards, man: the 3-guard starting backcourt of Mike Bibby, Miles Simon, and Michael Dickerson, with Jason Terry coming off the bench. This team won the '97 title, then dominated the entire next season, until Utah decided to become unbeatable for a 2 1/2-week stretch. Great squad. Although I agree that God Shamgod and Auston Croshere was a force to be reckoned with...

At 12:08 PM, February 16, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cervix with a smile!

- Nips


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