Do you really want to hurt me, college football poll voters?

Do you really want to make me cry?

I mean… putting the Bucks at #1 is just setting me and Buckeye nation up for some sort of immense disappointment, isn’t it? Anyway, this post is in response to Jack’s call for a college football preseason top 10. But first, I have to get this out of the way. You may want to sit down for this.

This picture of Boy George is a little jarring.
He looks like that guy in the Gorillaz video for ‘Dare’.

Here’s some more of NYC’s favorite new garbage man.


Okay, back to the matter at hand - here’s my entirely shoddy preseason top 10. Note, this top 10 is based on the quality of the team, not taking into account each team‘s schedule/predicted finish. It is also based on almost no research whatsoever.

1. USC - I hate putting them here, but they’re still oozing with talent. The possibility of a Dirty Sanchez taking snaps is good for college football fans nationwide.

2. Texas - Outside of Huff, this defense returns most of their guys (unlike my #3 team). And that D came up big when it mattered last year. How many field goal attempts did the Buckeyes have against Texas? And as long as their QB isn’t a complete liability, their offense will move the ball more than enough.

3. The OSU - Not much to say that hasn’t already been said. Everyone’s expectations are probably too high. By the way, I am part of everybody.

4. Auburn - Okay readers, let’s see who can come up with the best anagram using the name of one of Auburn’s players. Let’s start with…oh I don’t know…Kenny Irons. CFN has Auburn and USC in the title game. Makes a lot of sense, but Texas has less teams in their way than Auburn or the Bucks.

5. LSU - I still don’t trust Les Miles (or JaMarcus Russell for that matter), but their demolition of the Canes in the Peach Bowl was mighty impressive.

6. West Virginia - Much like their hardwood counterparts, maybe the most fun team to watch in the country. They get bonus points for beating Georgia in the Sugar Bowl after I picked them to do exactly that. I think they’ll lose one game they shouldn’t this year though.

7. Notre Dame - Let the media fellatio commence!!!!

8. Michigan - I had to put another Big Ten team in here just so I didn’t lose my Midwest Bias Official Membership card.

9. Cal - All the pieces are there. Everyone’s assuming that Tedford will be able to adequately polish one of the turds that played QB for the Bears last year. Marshawn Lynch is one of the top 2 or 3 tailbacks in the nation AND was the inspiration for the most offensive thing I ever wrote on this blog (see my post a/b last years Las Vegas Bowl.) Needless to say, I love him.

10. Miami - Even though this is Midwest Bias, I still couldn’t get by without putting one of the Florida teams in the top 10. This one seemed like the best fit.

Just for S&G, here’s my 11-20:
11. Florida State
12. Iowa
13. Clemson
14. Oklahoma
15. Florida
16. Louisville
17. Nebraska
18. Penn State
19. Georgia Tech
20. Tennessee
Alright, I think jinxing 20 football teams in one post is enough for one day