Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Dogs and Frogs (Living Together?) - The 2006 Poinsettia Bowl

Once again it’s time for the totally original, annual, and seasonal shitty bowl SOC.

So… I turn on the TV at 7:55 and ESPN’s already started coverage. Was there like a huge pre-game show I missed?

So here we are at the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, live from Jack Murphy…or whatever it’s called.
10-2 TCU vs. 7-5 NIU
Appropriately, the game starts with a honk… or to be more accurate, something like a train whistle. Where are we? West Lafayette?
So we got Rece, Mark May and Mushmouth in the booth. At least I’ll have some stuff to work with.
5 Seconds into the broadcast, Rece is talking about LaDainian Tomlinson. God I hate ESPN. Can you shut up about the NFL for just 5 minutes? They’re Monday Night pregame is 5 ½ hours long! Every week! For one game!
Well, we’re about ready for kickoff, so naturally I change the channel. Sorry, like last year’s SOC and the Pittsnogles, the Bucks are just more important. Tonight they’re playing Iowa State (“the high school after high school”). Remember, Iowa State’s mascot is the Cyclones, which looks an awful lot like a cardinal going down a drain.
I turn back to football, and NIU somehow got a whopping 3 yard kickoff return…. And now 3 and out. Yikes. Glad I just bumped this game up to a 25 confidence.
Just got sent the “Dick in a Box” SNL video. Wow.
Somehow TCU doesn’t score on the punt return. NIU 25 and channel change.
Nice - gray unis for the home team. Oden somehow doesn’t get the tip.
Channel change - okay in maybe the last 90 seconds, TCU has not only scored a TD, but missed an extra point.
So much purple. I love it.
Checking the ticker Mich. State is losing to Belmont, who was my sleeper last year. Duke’s beating up on Kent State 44-42. At home. Duke @ #6 is more ridiculous than Notre Dame in the BCS. I mean it’s really really ridiculous.
And We’re BACK !!!
Sorry - just got a call from Cave. Among other tidbits, I hear Evan’s got a fantastic story about his trip to tell. I can’t wait.
During that special time w/ Cave, I saw one of the funniest non-punt returns ever.
The Bucks are looking so-so against the Cloney Gowans (21-16).
In his mumbled English, Holtz just said Northern Illinoiz. The NIU offensive line is getting blowed up. Wolfe is doing less than nothing, and it’s not his fault.
Oooh - a Dick Bumpus sighting!!! There are few names in college football on par with Dick Bumpus. Perhaps only Bronco Mendenhall.
Wow. Are we sure NIU is bowl eligible? Can somebody double-check this?
1:42 left 1st quarter - on 1st down, huge pass play down the sideline.
Ticker update Duke’s up 3 with 7:30 left. I may need to watch the last couple minutes of that. Yeah, that’s right. I’m a sports whore.
End of 1 -- TCU is somehow only up 6-0. NIU has -8 yards.
I’ve jinxed the Golden Flashers. They’re suddenly down 8. But still, we beat KSU 81-59.
Terence Dials is at the Buckeyes game. Guess he’s not too busy these days.
TCU punches it in with a QB scramble. Thankfully, they don’t go for 2. Good idea jeans. You hear me SHULA !?!!
HA!!!! Matty Lindner, some TCU O-lineman, apparently just hurt himself attempting to throw his helmet. If you weren’t watching, just imagine some offensive lineman hurting himself attempting to throw his helmet, and that’s exactly what it looked like. And he had a Downing-esque mohawk.
Shocking. NIU’s punting.
Oooooh. Football Buckeyes are accepting their Big Ten championship trophy. Outright, BITCHES!!! Tressel gives a very Tressel-like speech. And then Troy Smith whips it out. The Heisman Trophy that is. Sadly, the basketball Bucks are only up 29-28 at half. Grrr.
Back to the mildly poisonous flower bowl. Wow. I hate to keep beating a dead horse … er… dog, but NIU is really really terrible. Their offensive line is just non-existent. Rece just used the term ‘look-out block’ - I love that one. LOOK OUT !!!
TCU back on offense. When the purple has the ball, they are positively average… which in this game means they will win by about 30.
Good ventriloquist act by the ref.
Keep you’re eye out for Joe Novak.
They just showed TCU’s mascot up close. Dear god, that is the most terrifying thing I have ever seen. It’s like the Kansas State wildcat only the head is a little smaller, made of rubber, and it looks like a horrifying alien.
Great work by Todd with his Doodle Von Taintstain reference in the pick ‘em.
Huge pass play for NIU -- 62 yard pass play for their first 1st down of the night. I’ve seen better coverage on Britney Spears‘ vagina.
NIU makes sure to get sacked on the next play. NIU’s QB is still down on the turf. That was quite the banana kaboom.
Duke wins 79-72. They’ll move up to #5 after the OSU-Florida game. Chew on that one.
Turn the channel to see Oden nearly break the rim with a dunk. OSU up 40-32 at the under 16. Unimpressive but comfortable.
NIU’s QB is back…which is fortunate for the Huskies since he’s their 2nd string. Horvath apparently went down 4 or 5 games ago.
NIU attempts a 51 yard FG….. And that would have been good from, oh, I’d say 42 yards. TCU takes over. Again.
Ref’s working without a mic, which is always fun.
TCU goes for it on 4th and 3 at about the NIU 45. Doesn’t work. TCU is playing down to the level of their competition.
First play for NIU - FLEA FLICKER !!!!……… into sextuple coverage (not kidding). Interception. Wow. So I guess they’re missing Horvath.

Okay, so I’ve been doing some research on this hideous TCU mascot. It’s name is SuperFrog. I’m trying to find a picture. So far, all I could find was this:
No uniform, but it looks like a hell of a painter.
Uggh…. Buckeyes up 45-41. Oden appears to be the only one doing anything at all for us, especially on D.
Huh. Just realized the Chargers have a TCU-NIU running back combo. Thanks Rece.
TCU knocking on the door and doing their best not to score.
Oooh. Here he is on a longhorn:
Is SuperFrog wearing a Texas belt buckle?
And here’s a good pic from EDSBS. The caption says it all.
Okay, after not wanting to score a TD, TCU chips in a FG. TCU 16-0 at the half.
And there’s that train whistle again.
Total net yards for the half:
TCU: 227
NIU: 42 and remember, NIU had a 62 yard pass play. Ouch.
ISU has cut it to 53-51 on a 3. I’m unhappy. I haven’t actually watched too much of this, but I’ve been unimpressed with what I have seen. At least the crowd at the Schott seems kind of into it. A close game and the mere sight of the football team can do that.
Shit we can’t rebound. ISU has 13 fouls for the game. We have 4. And we’re in the 1 and 1 right now.
Halftime back at the Poinsettia Bowl. Stephen A is just talking about the Iverson trade. They’ll probably do that for the next 15 minutes. At least. I actually think the 76ers did about as well as possible (although I think they should have traded Iverson and/or Webber like a year ago). I mean you have to just gut that team. And given the quality that could be in next year’s draft, getting 2 first rounders is big.
On a slightly related note, I really like George Karl.
And although I have some Pistons and IU fans close to me, Isiah Thomas is just a complete ass, at least in terms of his post-playing career. Total ass.
Buckeyes are in the double bonus. Making their free throws. 73-56. Iowa St. totally ran out of gas and OSU’s on an 11-0 run. Final score: 75-56. Sure looks good if you didn’t watch the game. They’d better play a lot better on Saturday in Gainesville.
Okay, we have a new winner:
I’ll give money to your university if you just keep that godforsaken thing away from me. Nice soundtrack though.
Actually, to be honest I love SuperFrog. It was just a little jarring for ESPN to cut to a closeup of his eyes back in the 1st half.
Wait. It’s just Mark and Rece in the booth. Where’s Lou? Is he having a Joe Paterno moment? I guess it all Depends.
The smoke from the halftime show has left the start of 3rd quarter pretty much unwatchable. Not much different from the 1st half.
There’s Lou! Sounds out of breath.
TCU quickly and efficiently marches down the field, then fumbles on NIU’s 1. They recover though and punch it in. 23-0.
Now’s a good time to thank the Poinsettia Bowl’s sponsor. San Diego County Credit Union. Yeah. That’s something everyone can get behind. Sure.
I miss the day’s when the bowls were all just named after the natural resources indigenous to the area the bowl was played in. copper, orange, cotton, Halls of Fame.
Ensuing kickoff for NIU: they get it out to their own 2. Impressive. Then go 3 and out.
TCU marches down the short field. Scores. This is getting a tad repetitive. And ridiculously predictable.
30-0 ---- 9:08 left in the 3rd.
One of TCU’s stud defensive linemen is named Chase Ortiz. He led his conference in sacks last year. Okay, first of all, that name’s not real. I could go on to say EA Sports came up with his name, but I’ve done that way too often the past couple seasons. What I will say is that his name is also what does the U.S. border patrol does.
First downs: TCU -- 17 NIU -- 1 Sigh.
Lou Holtz actually had a semi-interesting point (that someone else no doubt told him off air). TCU plays Texas next year, and Mack Brown didn’t put the Horned Frogs in his final top 25 poll. Bulletin board. After holding Texas Tech to 3 points, TCU’s defense can’t really shock me any more.
Wolfe has 14 yards on 12 carries.
Pass interference on TCU!!!!! FIRST DOWN HUSKIES!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!
And another pass interference!!!! NIU has finally found something that works.
Wow, some guy with a purple Mohawk and waaaay too much eyeblack just got ejected for an elbowing a NIU guy in the face. The guy was wearing a face mask so I don’t see what the big deal is.
NIU goes for it on 4th and 5 on TCU’s 22 and they come up about a foot short. Uggh.
This game is so bad. And it’s still only the 3rd quarter.
Rece: “Northern Illinois hasn’t been penalized tonight. They also haven’t scored.”
End of the 3rd. Everyone put up 4 fingers for Todd.
Promo points out that Quite Frankly is next on ESPN2. I think I’m actually looking forward to it. That’s how bad this game is.
Northern Illinois blocks a punt and returns it for a TD. Amazingly, there sounded like there were a somewhat significant number of people cheering.
Rece on Todd‘s Las Vegas Bowl: “What happens in Vegas will be broadcast to the entire nation.”
TCU has no trouble slicing down the field again. 37-7. I could give details, but honestly, who cares?
Rece just called Rob Stone - Stoner. Pauses all around.
Coach gets doused with purple stuff. Must’ve been out of Sunny D.
Congratulate me. I’ve gone a whole Horned Frogs game without going the whole ’horny’ route. Oh wait. I just did.
For what it’s worth, Wolfe finished 11 yards short of Archie Griffin for 10th all time.
Holy shit that game sucked. Here’s hoping the rest of bowl season is better than this game. At least I got 25 points out of it in the pick ‘em. (I feel retarded for only assigning 25.) NIU finished with 58 yards TOTAL. And I again point out that they had a 62 yard completion. TCU had 453.
Total first downs: TCU -- 26 NIU -- 5 (2 pass, 3 penalty, 0 rush)
Okay, time to think about upcoming bowls. Fu asked, so here are the 8 bowls I’m looking forward to the most:
1. The OSU-Florida --- Like Jack said, oblivious.
2. Arkansas-Wisky --- I love the wildcat formation. Plus this game’s gonna be over in like an hour and a half.
3. LSU-Domers --- If LSU doesn’t win by at least 21, I’ll be disappointed.
4. Georgia Tech-WV --- It’ll be bittersweet to watch Reggie Ball blow one last game. I’m gonna miss you, buddy.
5. Kansas State-Rutgers --- Only Evan can truly appreciate why I think this could be saucy.
6. Miami-Nevada --- The Hurricanes led by a lame duck coach, in the freezing cold, on blue turf…why do I think they might just refuse to care?
7. Boise St.-Oklahoma --- I love Boise. Plus, I can’t wait to see how Peterson is used and how he looks. Could be wishful thinking, but I think he’s a Brown in a few months.
8. Cal-Texas Tech --- It’s the freakin’ Holiday Bowl. A perennially awesome game…except when Cal’s involved.
Okay, that’s all for Nips. Hopefully the rest of yous do a better job and have better games. Shouldn’t be tough on either count.


At 1:21 PM, December 21, 2006, Anonymous The Diddy said...

Wow, did your game suck. Congrats, I guess. Just so you know, I Doodled My Taintstain just for you

At 2:09 PM, December 21, 2006, Blogger Jack Fu said...

That flash site where the SuperFrog jumps out at you was goddamn terrifying. Horrifying alien, indeed.

What a brutal game. I really should have put more confidence points on TCU. *Shudder*

At 7:50 PM, December 21, 2006, Blogger Nipsey said...

Poinsettia Bowl Addendum

- Thank you for Doodling your Taintstain, Diddy. Thank you also for turning it into a verb.

- ‘Dick in a Box’ is now the #1 clip on YouTube.

- Forgot to mention that Miss USA seems like the MWB’s kind of girl. Let’s hang out.

- The Gator Bowl just lost some of it’s cache, as Reggie Ball didn’t gator done in the classroom. I’m not sure whether this helps or hurts the Yellow Jackets. Just to remind you - in RBall's last game as a collegian, he went 9-29 with 2 picks and 0 TDs.

- This just in: man, the Poinsettia Bowl sucked. I mean sucked. And hard. That was probably the worst game of the year not involving Louisiana Tech.


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