Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Trust me, I never forget about baseball tonight

I just read nips response for his list, and no, I did not forget about Baseball tonight. I couldn't agree more with nips that Baseball tonight is the best in studio sports show on television. However, none of their guys made my top 5. I think this is party to do with baseball tonight having the best situation. There's 10-12 games every single stinking night. They have tons of highlights and material for each show. Constant updates and never forget those web gems. It takes in added fun with fantasy baseball being far and away the best fantasy sport.

Now I love Peter Gammons, but let's face it, he's boring. He knows his shit, gets more leads than anyone, but he's not entertaining unless he's in a commercial. Harold Reynolds is more fun, but he never, NEVER takes a controversial stance. He thinks every player that's ever played should be in the HOF. You'd think he'd disagree with somebody on something, but he never does.

Hopefully you have checked out the link I put up the other day about my alma mater. In case you didn't, I'll sum it up for you. The football coach at my former high school was arrested for molesting an 11 year old girl. It takes in added fun when the rumor is that it's his daughter that had the deed done to her. It's either horrible or resourceful depending your stance on incestual, pre-teen rape. [If only R. Kelly were a redneck] The main issue here is the legacy of these events at my school. Let me give you a list of my basketball coaches. All of this happened either during or just before them coaching me. Remember, these were MY coaches and it's all 100% true.

Varsity Coach: Started as the girls varsity coach and was caught in the shower with one of his players. It was a sexitime explosive situation for all. He was married at the time. He ended up divorcing his wife and marrying his player. Instead of firing him, they made him the varsity boys coach, which is essentially a promotion.

Junior Varsity Coach: While as a student, he was messing around with the above coach's wife before they got divorsed. After they got divorced because of the varsity coach's new-d, wet friend, he ended up marrying her. Also, he was the best man at the varsity coach's wedding to his former player. Keep in mind, this coach is now married to his ex-wife.

8th Grade Coach: He was arrested for fondling and molesting a child for events that occurred during the year he was my coach. The best part is it was a little boy that got touchy feely. Also, he was mentoring him in the big brothers/big sisters program. Therefore, it was kinda like an escort service for NAMBLA. And what kind of boy gets molested by a fat, hairy, junior high basketball coach? A lucky boy.

7th Grade Coach: Once wore a orange belt as a tie and snapped it off using his hand and neck after a game. It's the most pissed off I've ever seen anyone in my life. Granted, there's no perversion, but he did "snap it off using his hand and neck" and I think that counts for something.

None of these stories are made up or embellished at all. So, the football rapist coach just kinda fits in with the rest of them. Maybe they'll make him AD.

8 Comments:

At 2:48 PM, February 17, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're totally right about Baseball Tonight's situation. It really is like shooting fish in a barrell with all the updates, highlights, and gobs of stats. And I agree that for the most part they all (esp. Reynolds) avoid controversy. But claiming Gammons is boring? You have Jay Bilas as your #1! How is he any more exciting? (outside of the fact his balls are bigger...and orange) Don't get me wrong, I love Bilas. But the fact that neither he nor Gammons has the Dick Vitale-esque persona of a hyena on speed is a good thing. Just solid anal-issies night in, night out.

As for your school - WOW! I honestly thought my school was bad, but we got nothin on the R'Wood. I mean my school had a highly publicized molestation arrest when I was a freshman, numerous instances of coaches dating/marrying their former students within a couple years of them graduating, and apparently a 5-way (one male teacher, 4 senior girls) the year after I graduated, but that all pales in comparison to the things you just described.
Can you explain something though? I'm just not grasping the schematics of "orange belt as a tie and snapped it off using his hand and neck". (Honestly though, "orange belt" alone were the 2 funniest words in that entire post.)

- Nipples McGhee

 
At 3:02 PM, February 17, 2005, Blogger The Diddy said...

Nice work on the 5-way!! I think that guy deserves an award. As for the orange belt, let's see if I can explain it. It reminded me of a stronger version of cordaroy. Maybe a hemp/denim hybrid. Whatever the case, it was his lucky belt and he wore it as a neck tie. Following the game, he grabbed it from under his collar and yanked. It snapped in half across his neck. Think bat breaking over Bo Jackson's head snapped in half. He yelled at us for 20 minutes because we played terrible, and another 5 for making him destroy his lucky belt.

 
At 3:23 PM, February 17, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

"Honestly though, "orange belt" alone were the 2 funniest words in that entire post."
--------------------------

You say that like it's some sort of accomplishment. This is Dids we're talking about here. "Anal beads." There, that just became the two funniest words of his entire post. "NASCAR fan." Bingo again. Try it, it's fun!

 
At 3:34 PM, February 17, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If there's any accomplishment involved, it's for the man who actually OWNED an orange belt. And wore it as a tie, no less.

- N to the IPS

 
At 3:57 PM, February 17, 2005, Blogger The Diddy said...

OHHHHH SNAP!!! So Mr. Jack Fu thinks he's a real tommy tough nuts. You know, I'm tired of carrying your ass on this site. Without me, we'd have even less than our 1 loyal reader. BRING IT!!

 
At 9:09 PM, February 17, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Wow, "Tommy Tough Nuts"? Is that an oblique Joey Harrington reference? I didn't think anyone outside of this area heard or cared about that bizarre situation. If it is in fact such a reference, that is quite probably the funniest thing you've said on this site so far. But, seeing as how this is you we're talking about, I'm not gonna get my hopes up...

 
At 1:26 AM, February 18, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, I feel I've been forgotten in the shuffle from ebloggy to blog spot. For I too am a loyal reader. But, I'll admit I haven't exactly been a loyal responder. I have an excuse. I simply don't have enough useless sports knowledge. I mean, I watch the 7am sportscenter and all. But, that's clearly not enough to have anything worthwhile to say here. Just know that I AM reading though at times feel inadequate to post.

Hollywood_east aka Break of Dawn

 
At 10:16 AM, February 18, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Take your skirt off and post, H_E. Knowledge isn’t necessarily needed in order to say anything on this site. Just look at Dids. All you need is an opinion and a friggin’ craw in which things can get stuck...

 

Post a Comment

<< Home