Thursday, February 16, 2006

Nipsey rambles about his two favorite things: Curling and Babes !!!!

Here’s the best thing about the Cassie and Jamie Johnson: I’ve ALWAYS masturbated while watching curling. But now I feel a lot less weird about it.
Okay, if you think I didn’t already know that there was a Columbus Curling Club and hadn’t looked into it a long time ago, well, you just don’t know me.
The thing about those hats is that the one’s in Jack’s pic are the crappy ones - there are some others that are way more accurate looking.
I’ve only seen 4 curling matches (all during the 5-8pm slot, right after I get home from work). The U.S. has lost every single one, and all in ridiculously heartbreaking fashion (two went to 11 ends). It’s like watching all 4 of the basketball Buckeyes’ losses in a 72 hour span. Rough. Apparently the U.S. men’s and women’s curling teams have won a game or two, but I haven’t seen them.
Have you seen NBC’s Fred’s Spiel bit after the 5th end in these matches? Always awkward and always ending with a pastry shaped like a curling stone. Not kidding. Said the U.S. men’s curler named Shuster, “I can’t wait to eat that thing!!!”
Also, there is apparently an erotic curling calendar floating around out there - doubtful the Fabulous Johnson Sisters are included. (By the way, I call them the Fabulous Johnson Sisters because there used to be a band in these parts called the Fabulous Johnson Brothers. Plus, those girls ARE fabulous.)
Now onto another U.S. Olympic gal:
Sasha Cohen
( not to be confused with Sacha Baron Cohen:,%20Sacha )
Note to Sasha: this is your time to shine. If you skate reasonably well, you could really parlay this into something bigger, like the cover of FHM. Back in Salt Lake, Sasha burst onto the scene. Couple problems though. She was 17 at the time. And she had the body of a 12 year old. An entire male population felt bad about finding her hot, and it’s probably best for everyone involved that she ended up getting 4th. Now though, she’s 21, filled out slightly, and fan-favorite Michelle Kwan’s out of the way. Sasha, you’d better strike while the iron is hot. Cause it’s almost as hot as you.
(A quick word about Michelle Kwan. I’ve always been kind of apathetic towards her, but I was hoping she could come into Torino, skate magnificently, and get her Dan Jansen moment before she called it quits. Not to be. Looking back, I gotta feel for her. In 1998, it was like she was on the homecoming court, was friends with everybody in her class, and everyone was rooting for her. Then some better looking, younger girl transfers in, is cool because of her novelty, gets to be queen and hooks up with the quarterback. It’s obvious she never worked for it as hard as Michelle did. And just to make it worse, she transfers out before the end of the semester, never to be seen from again. So in 2002, what happens? THE EXACT SAME THING. I mean I don’t know anything about women, but I have seen their competitive nature come out when matched against their own kind (especially true in reality shows). And it’s a minor miracle that neither Tara Lipinski nor Sarah Hughes has been brutally murdered by a samurai-wielding Michelle Kwan.)
And speaking of sports hotties, but not in the Winter Olympic sense, remember the Kournikova vs. Sharapova discussion some of us had awhile back. I sided whole-heartedly w/ Sharapova. If you’ve seen the new SI swimsuit edition, I think all will agree that I was right. There’s not even an argument anymore.


At 8:39 PM, February 16, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The aforementioned calendar is available here:

Break of Dawn

At 6:44 PM, February 17, 2006, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Michelle Kwan: a Japanese person if there ever was one.

At 2:34 PM, February 19, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I woek up at 8:00 to watch the women's final match this morning. The sisters are hot but only Cassie threw this morning. Again, they went into the 10th end without the hammer but still had a 2 point lead. "Well, just don't give up 3" so what do they do? Lose in heartbreaking fashion. I guess out men's team is in the medal round though. I'm so sad I looked up an online curling game and played it. It was pretty easy.


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