Monday, February 20, 2006

Response to Nips, plus ... uh, more

Yesterday morning I watched our curling bitches control the entire match with the Suisse, only to gag by allowing a 3-spot in the 10th end. I mean, that was a 2000 TrailBlazers-caliber choke job. And yes, I too masturbated while watching. And then I cried.

I've only caught bits and pieces of the curling action, so I am unfamiliar with the stone-shaped danishes to which Jeff referred. But needless to say, I am intrigued. And hungry. Also aroused and bruised and juicy. So yeah, it's like any other Monday on But with curling pastries.

I appreciate BoD providing us with a link to the site where you can buy the Erotic Curling Book, but ... I mean ... it's just a site where you can buy the Erotic Curling Book, and who wants to do that? (Jeff, put your hand down.) I just wants to see the naked curling bitches! These are the friggin' internets, for crying out loud: they were created to a.) house stupid videos of korean boys lipsynching, and b.) provide every horny teenager with a veritable smorgasbord of nekkid womens a mere mouseclick away. Why no curling bitches? WHY? (Sidenote: here we go.) Also, I have to say I am intrigued by the "BLACK BOOK OF CURLING" advertised at the site. Makes it sound so ... I dunno. Scandalous? Scrumtrilescent? Some mixture of the two? But without a doubt, the best thing provided by BoD's link was this. Now THAT's some curling news!

I'm sure I'm not alone on this, but Sasha Cohen's attractiveness has never been in question. Yes, she was 17 (hey, her birthday is two days after mine! I think I have an "in" for when I inevitably meet her) in '02 - when has that ever mattered? Yeah, I guess I can buy that you thought she looked more like a middle-schooler than a woman. But seven out of 10 figure skaters do. She was very cute back then. But I concur: she has gotten better with age. Filled out a little bit, carries herself a little better. And still purty. She gets a big thumbs-up.

As for Michelle Kwan, I mean, I see what Jeffy's saying, but my agreeance with him is overpowered by my boundless apathy towards figure skating.

Regarding Sharapova v. Kournikova: first, let it be said that you can't go wrong either way. Obviously. But I have to strenuously disagree with Jeff on this one. Maria is hot. She's easily in the top 2 or 3 in any discussion of "hottest female athletes." But Anna is a juggernaut. I can understand someone finding Maria hotter (even though I don't personally agree with it), but adding on that "there's not even an argument anymore"? You're in fantasy land, buddy. But then, with this subject matter, aren't we all?


At 12:52 PM, February 21, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So Johnson & Johnson (and the two other chicks) are finished. Down 10-4 at the of the 6th, they shook hands and called it quits. This match was disappointing for many reasons. Clearly, losing always sucks. But, with the early retirement, we were robbed an hour of curling action. Further, to top it all off, my top curling theory was completely blown to hell. That theory? That every women's curling team has at least one hottie. But Great Britain managed to field 4 man-beasts. Fucking British.

Break of Dawn

At 4:30 PM, February 21, 2006, Blogger Torgonator said...

1.) At the beginning of the Olympics, the US women's team were losing competitively, then they seemed to peak near the end when they faced the Italians (who were bad anyways) and then they just fell apart. Kinda hard to watch, but the Johnsons were both still hot, which helped.

2.) The curling pastries were fun, especially because there was a little piece that came out of the top that was humorously phallic. The best curling pastry moment was when Fred presented a pastry to Cassie Johnson and the phallic part was significantly larger than it had been on any other pastry. Jeff, Todd, and I stood up and applauded.

3.) My favorite link was Jack's "Sidenote" link (here). Not only did it provide some visuals, but it included a link to the Austrian women curling team, which has two girls who are, in my opinion, on equal footing with our favorite Johnsons. Seriously.

At 4:51 PM, February 21, 2006, Blogger Torgonator said...

More pictures of the Austrian curling girls...

In traditional Austrian garb. The blondes are from the Danish curling team.

One more in traditional clothing.

They're totally sisters.

A team kiss, I think. Admittedly, it's not really very hot, but I was intrigued as I tried to figure out what they were trying to accomplish...


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