Friday, February 18, 2005

He's much more than a farm animal

I'd like to give this shout out to one of our known 3 loyal readers, the commenter formerly known as Break of Dawn. FYI: We know you read. But for the love of all that's sacred, please leave comments. THAT GOES FOR ALL Y'ALL!!! We don't care if it's insightful. We're going to make fun of you anyway. Basically, we like comments, we're suckers for them. Say something, BE HEARD. I'm done with this rant.

In response to Fu's question about the "tommy's tough nuts" reference, I have no idea what you're talking about. Tommy and his tough nuts was a joke from 5 years ago that involved, well, I'm not sure what it involved. But, I do know that it was said by my friend Mr. Duda a whole bunch for no reason over a 3 day period. It then grew into legendary status. I can only assume that the Detroit usage is some copied form of our joke.

I was watching a WPT event last Saturday and one of the competitors was Chris Moneymaker. I have no beef with Moneymaker himself, but it's his father I can't stand. His dad was also in attendance at this event. mmmmmmonIIIEEEEEEEEEEE [best cow voice] That's when the Saturday night light hit me. Breakfast epiphany's? Wow, that's just terrible, get the dancers back out here. Anyway, I knew why I hated Moneymaker's dad so much. He looks just like the Noah Cross character from Chinatown.

"Left: Incestual poker fan/Horse ....... Right: Laker's Fan/Gauze Pad"

I wish I could have found a picture of Money's dad to compare, but trust me, they're the same person. I knew I had a good reason to be frightened of him besides the grazing noises. At least I now know, there was.

It's 50/50 that I'll be able to do an SOC on the Daytona. I hope I can. Also, if anyone watched sportscenter the other night, they saw that hard liquor companies are now sponsoring cars. Apparently this proof factor is a huge debate. Here's the two main reasons. Here's why I love the south.

Reason 1: It promotes drunk driving
Okay, YEAH, has sponsored cars since the mid-70s. Doesn't beer contain the same alcohol that gets one drunk? Yeah, I thought so. The hard liquor sponsors are even required to place a "drink safe" message on the cars they sponsor. Beer companies are not required. Also, I know people that go to NASCAR events. Basically, everyone gets drunk at the track and drives home. Good thing they promote the DD program. My head just exploded.

Reason 2: It's against NASCAR's "family value" image
I'm not making that up. That's what they claim. Everyone at these events is drunk and taking pictures of semi-nude "girls". Somehow a Jack Daniel's car is the devil and Budweiser car is an angelic messenger from God. In fact, a member of the pit crew for the newly painted Jim Beam car actually quit the team because it's against his Christian beliefs. Let's think about this for a second. I'm not even going to say anymore. Just think about that.

I really wanted to end with Mr. "I'm too holy to support Jim Beam, but Miller Light and Cigarettes are just what Jesus wanted me to consume", but there's breaking news. Hockey is apparently back. Let me tell you who couldn't be happier...this guy. Why?? It's not that I love hockey. It's a 28 game season!!! That means exactly anything could happen. One really good week and you're in the playoffs. Fear the Blue Jackets. I'm Gittes (I needed another Chinatown reference). If this all comes to be, I'll honestly watch every game. It's just too much fun.


At 2:27 PM, February 20, 2005, Anonymous Torgonator said...

The hockey season is dead. You guys are frickin' idiots!

At 5:58 PM, February 20, 2005, Blogger Jack Fu said...

Whoa whoa whoa. How am I an idiot? I didn't falsely say the season was back on!


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