Oh, You Know ... Things

Just some blurbs on things I've been thinking about...

First of all, I want to give props to Dids on the "John Huston"/"Papa Moneymaker" comparison. It truly is eerie. "The future, Mr. Gitts. The future..."

Next, I don't know how many of you heard about this when the news broke, but Jacko's defense (and by the way, can we officially count the nickname "Jacko" among the fantastic things that England has produced? The list is now up to 3, including America and the Beatles) released their list of possible witnesses, and I have to say, I am impressed. This weirdo has surrounded himself over the years with just about the biggest and weirdest selection of weirdos this side of an electrified weird-ing machine. His list includes...

David Blaine: I'm having ... a hard time ... seeing the connec- Oh, right. They're both batshit.

Uri Geller: Sports my favorite "Claim to Fame" of any of Jacko's "celebrity" witnesses: "Psychic, spoon bender." Gets bonus points for apparently inventing the word "naiveness."

Corey Feldman: Now we're getting somewhere. The Wacko One apparently showed Corey 2 a book containing pictures of naked men and women who had venerial diseases on their genitalia. Now, NOW, in retrospect, Feldman is thinking that maybe, just maybe, this Michael Jackson guy might be, in clinical terms, a friggin' loon. And a child molester. Wow, the, uh ... benefits of age and wisdom, I guess.

Nick and Aaron Carter: Just look at them. If I were a psychotic, degenerate child molester, those two adorable blond boys would be the first ones on my list.

Kobe Bryant: I just ... this boggles the mind. As for attorney Harvey Levin's take that "He could testify (about what it's like to be) an African-American man being falsely accused of sexual charges," well ... let's just say that I wouldn't be surprised if the number of jokes to be made from that sentence alone would overwhelm even Todd.

Deepak Chopra, Diana Ross, Elizabeth Taylor: Crazy, crazy, and crazy. Triple threat!!

(I just thought that last one was funny. Nothing to do with batshit-edness or anything.)

Anyways, moving on:

I want to get Toddzilla's take on the whole 'roids thing going on. Do you think Canseco is telling the truth? If so, do you thing it's all true, or just parts here and there? Do you have any doubt that McGwire was on the juice, or that Bonds is now? Considering how giddy you seemed to be that he got traded, are you finally done licking the balls of that 'roid-pumping bat-corker Sammy Sosa? Do you think the new testing policy will get the job done? Is it harsh enough? Is it too intrusive? If the policy is effective, which number will proportionally decrease the most: Bonds's home run totals or his hat size? Answer these and any other issues you may be able to think about regarding this controversy. I'm gonna go to class. Piso Mojado.