Nawlins Bowl 1st Quarter
Ahhh, the first SOC of the season. I'm not gonna lie...it's long. Almost 4,000 words. Written while I have a terrible cold and mostly uncomprehensible. Hopefully I can bore you to sleep. Things to watch for...headset references, the KRN (katrina ref number) count, omegas, and fat punters. Enjoy!!
Ark St. vs So Miss live from chilly Lafayette, LA on the Cajun Field. Mark Jones and Spielman bring the noise and the funk. Exactly 72 seconds in, and we’ve got a Katrina reference, which beats my over/under of 7 sec. Both teams are a boring 6-5 and according to Spielman “WHAM! So Miss. could be 9-2.” Jones says of Ark. St. “Hundreds of people lined the streets of Jonesboro Ark” to give Ark St. a sendoff, probably hoping they’re off on a mission to find a good football team.
Jeff Bower is proud of his So Miss team, and default sideline reporter asks 2 questions about the hurricane. I’m officially keeping a running count of Katrina of which we’re now at 4. Also, despite the NCAA ban on Indian Mascots, Ark St’s graphic says they are the Ark St Indians. Racists.
It’s Ark St’s first bowl game and first conf title since 86 for the Indians. That’s 1986!!
So Miss from the USM 32 14:55
So Miss with the ball first and they’re led by QB Dusty Almond, yes the same one. I’m pretty sure he took over for Brett Favre. First play, PA-pass for 37. Second play, run for 8. It bares mentioning So Miss is a 17 point favorite and Ark St hates white people. Just gaping holes for So Miss early, Ark St. better sack up. Ark St. looks confused and excited on this first drive by So Miss. Lots of running around quickly, but not to the ball, seems like a bad strategy. USM is running all over them and Dusty Almond drops the snap on first and goal from the 1 and Ark St recovers, timeout, commercial and the boys are back in town with wranglers on.
Ark St. from the ASU 2 11:42
From my research on this game, ASU has a good RB in Antonio Warren and USM has 2 really good LBs. WOW! A DE just rapes the ASU QB by the facemask in the end zone (in YOUR end zone) and instead of a safety (dance) it’s a 15 yard penalty. This Warren guy does run hard, and the LB Coley hits hard back. I didn’t know the ‘Nawlins Bowl could go on without North Texas, I actually didn’t know the Sunbelt had other teams. Meanwhile Ark St. makes a nice pass play and everyone makes butterfly hand motions. I wonder if they all do that after big plays, I’ll keep an eye on it. If I hear Mark Jones say “pop and shoot” again, I might puke. WOW! An incredible crafty/sneaky move by Ark St. QB 8 to get a first on third and 3. So Miss’s coach never has the headset on his ears, probably so he can yell at his team to tackle better. In fact, they just took a time out so he could continue to yell, I like it. Neither team seems concerned with tackling, but Ark St has a nice drive going down to the USM 35 starting from their own 2. Gawd damn, USM has the ugliest cheerleaders this side of New Orleans rooftops. 4th and 11 from the 38 and ASU goes for it…..NO….pooch punt which is somehow blocked for a 5 yard punt, I need a replay, it still makes no sense. Commercial.
USM from the USM 33 6:41
Dusty leads the troops back out and the lack of D continues. And USM fumbles again on the second play recovered by….Ark St. Still no headset on the ears by USM coach.
Ark St. from the ASU 45 6:13
Katrina reference number 5 and this time with pictures. ASU QB #6’s name is Nuce which is pronounced No-chay. Why not. An incredible catch by a ASU wide out as No-chay throws into double coverage, on purpose. Hey, the Cubs just signed Jacque Jones, also apparently, on purpose. USM refuses to tackle anyone. If I start to get USM biased, it’s because they’re my 26 pt confidence game. No wonder I think black LB Coley is everywhere, there’s two of them and they’re twins. Let’s be honest, they all look the same anyway. Spielman says “read the mail” four times in a row. 41 yard FG attempt….eeee….wide right. Rob Stone brings the sideline report and Katrina reference number 6. (KRN 6)
So Miss from the USM 24 2:30
Back to Rob Stone, with a “full circle” reference and KRN 7. I’m not sure why, but the phrase, “no scoring by the Indian offence” makes me laugh. Coach got his headset on and chief got his teepee back. They really keep hyping the Toledo/UTEP game. Ahhh, KRN 8, Jonesey tried to sneak it by me, by putting in mid-sentence, but I’m all over it and USM brings in the punter’s gut and somewhere behind it is the punter. Man, that guy is fat. Punt return, and Spielman just says “he Bobby Boo-shayed him”. Then throws in a “nice, NICE!!” just for fun.
Ark St. from the ASU 40 1:12
Snap! ASU star player Warren is banged up as the first quarter ends. USM 0 Ark St 0