Thursday, May 10, 2007

This guy is ugly!

Sure he isn't a "real" model (Wrangler jeans) but look how ugly Dale Jr. is. He looks like that guy in the small town dive bar that ignores your quarters and claims "next" on the pool table and then asks if, "You gotta problem with that shit?" Then you feel like kicking your own ass for calling him "sir." As PTI pointed out he didn't even bother to button his shirt.

If he ends up signing with Childress he'll probably drive the #3 car again. I don't think the men in the stands will be able to handle it. I don't want to see rednecks cry. And as Reader Wise pointed out, Sterling Marlin will probably jump at the chance to ram him into a wall as well so he can meet up with daddy.

To erase Dale's imagine please scroll down once more.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Time out for this commercial break!

As promised, my new "I'm not FDA Approved" t-shirts are on sale now. I've got Navy Blue, Black, and baby doll t's in pink. To see which sizes are available click on the ass.

By purchasing a shirt you'll help support me so that I may afford more trips, giving your more on site blog reporting? Yeah, that's justifying this ad nicely!

And the Cavs won...there, there's your sports mention.

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Friday, May 04, 2007

Everybody hurts

For as painful of a year as I've had, I guess the folks in Dallas have their case for "Worst Year Ever" as well. What Mark Cuban must be feeling. Imagine having a billion dollars to your name and still being this upset about something. There's nothing he can do, except hire a boatload of hookers to wrap themselves around him for the entire offseason nothing at all. He can't just trade Dirk away for someone better, he was the MVP. If he does that he'll feel like Kid Rock after Pam left him (or are they still together? Oh well, you get my point). I know the Dallas Stars weren't picked to win The Cup of life but they lost abruptly in the first round. The Cowboys' season ended with a Bill Buckner type of play (though the Bears would have destroyed them eventually) and now this. Your team dominates the entire regular season only to be destroyed by an 8 only 6 games.

I guess having a few Buckeyes in the NBA will make it more interesting at least though I'm still upset at those guys. I can already see the breakdown on Sportscenter of Oden being lost on defense time and time again. However, in a few years we'll look back at his '07 highlights and think, "I can't believe how scrawny he was in college!" That's also what the ladies say about me, followed by, "Yeah, and he was a lot nicer, too." OK, that paragraph wasn't funny or on topic.

So what's the reason for all of this losing? With some people's teams, championships are like relationships. 99% of the time it ends in heartbreak. Is that supposed to make the one time that it works out so much better? In relationships, yes. In sports...what if that moment has already passed for that team? The pinnacle of my Bears was the 2nd game I ever watched them play back in Super Bowl XX. Surely my Yankees will win more in my lifetime but then again it's not as special. What troubles me is that in '02 my OSU party consisted of me and my girlfriend at the time...alone. No one else showed up to our party (though the postgame coverage was good, hii-oooo!). I would love to win a Final Four but with more and more small schools catching up, our odds decrease. The Cavs have a chance as long as #23 stays there although that seems years away from happening even with King James. I guess Jeff Gordon has pulled through for me a few times but NASCAR Cups are about as anticlimatic as they get. "He clinched a week early by finishing no further back than 18th in Pheonix because Tony Stewart only got 4th!" That's not the same as a buzzer beater is it?

I think people who don't get as passionate about sports are pansies. They don't want to get emotionally invested because they can't take the heartbreak. They often pick the worst team out there and root for them because if they lose they know their friends won't waste time teasing them. Occasionally Jay Leno will make them part of his jokes but other than that it's safe. I'm debating on whether most Cubs fans qualify for this. A lot of the ones outside of Chicago do. It's cute, safe, and stylish to be a lovable loser. There's the once in a generation instance where you have Prior and Wood starting at home and still fail, but all of those other seasons easily fade away in a painless manner. It's kind of like when my cat Mittens went away. I had moved to college and she was missing for a few days, then weeks, and next time I called home they had given up. It was better that way. (Uh oh, Rob's getting deep and sensative) I think it almost helped my girlfriend and I to live together for that final month after the breakup. Instead of tearing things away like a painful bowl game wound, you gently accept the hurt. The question is, which method helps you move on faster? Neither really. The only way to heal from a heartbreaking season, loss, career, relationship, or whatever is to move on to the next season, job, person.

The offseason is long...hoooold on...hoooold on.

(Yes I pulled off the gay trifecta by referring to Miachael Stype, my cat named Mittens, and Jeff Gordon)