Shamelessly Plundering the Internet: Part the First

I recently discovered a Web site with some entertaining videos, and since theBlog.net is in a bit of a lull, I thought I might share some of my finds with both our readers. I've got quite a few to share, but we'll just start with a few.

Let's kick this off with a music video. All I'll tell you about it is that it features two guys in tights singing about unicorns. Audio not safe for work! Video safe, but you'll get some looks.

Next, let's work our way into current events. A DEA officer recently shot himself in the foot during a presentation on firearm safety. No, I'm not kidding... here is the proof. The officer has filed a suit against the government because the video was released. The video is not graphic, just bizarre. Safe for work.

I'm usually not a fan of prank videos, because they are typically little more than proof that people are assholes. But I like this simple prank - no one gets hurt... seriously. Safe for work.

I never really watched much of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, but if I knew that this happened, I might watch more often. I'd yell at him for being an idiot, but he has to live with this the rest of his life... that's punishment enough. Safe for work.

I'm not really sure what she expected to happen... I guess it's probably best not seen at work.

This is a short film, focused on a conversation I could imagine happening between the Dids and the Caveman. I'll let you guess which guy I picture as Dids and which one I picture as Cave.

That does it for this installment. So, keep your eye out for Mel Novak.

2006: The year of the Cuervo

As some of you may be aware, the 4th and 2006 version of the Cuervo will be happening soon. If you're reading this, you're probably invited. If you wanna be invited, well, you have to prove yourself to the council. Which is me. In preparation for this year's festivities, I need people to remind of what awards they won last year.

Also, to whet the appetite, here's pics from last year's Cuervo. I was all over that one, hehe.

Gayness

Enjoy.

A Non-post from Nipsey

So in the last week and a half, I've personally attended the following sporting events:

- Giants vs. Braves at PacBell, I mean SBC, I mean AT&T Park

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/recap?gid=260407126

- NCAA Women's gymnastics West regional from Maples Pavilion at Stanford University

http://www.ncaasports.com/gymnastics/womens/championship-results/2006/0408_west_recap

and

- the Columbus Crew's home opener (a tie!!! )

http://www.mlsnet.com/MLS/news/mls_news.jsp?ymd=20060415&content_id=56427&vkey=news_mls&fext=.jsp

As an Easter present to all who visit this blog, I won't comment on any of them. You're all welcome.

The semi-annual Jack Fu hiatus

Yep, it's once again time for that rite of December and April, where my exam period sneaks up and drives a wedge between theblog.net and me. This time it's actually pretty helpful, as the NHL and NBA aren't yet to their infinitely-more-interesting-than-the-regular-season playoffs, and baseball, well ... is baseball. As such, I have even less to say than usual. Shocking, I know, but it turns out it WAS possible.

Wait a minute, there's the little matter of the Buckeyes inexplicably deciding to change their football uniforms to some kind of hideous Wisconsin-offshoot, a development which I met by audibly gasping and then putting on a newsboy cap and muttering, "Say it ain't so, Tressel. Say it ain't so," for about five minutes. Seriously, not only was there nothing wrong with them, but they were CLASSICS. Worn by the '68 national champs and used in every season since, except for a period of universal hideous fashion decisions, both in sports and out, more popularly known as "The 80s," they were beacons of tradition. I could grudgingly put up with the strange see-through pants of last year, but seriously, this is going too far. Please, everyone who's reading this (yes, that means BOTH of you), don't buy these monstrositites. If you've already got a jersey, wear that one. If you don't have a jersey, wear a frickin' sweatshirt or something. Don't give in. No, it won't change anything, but you won't be mistaken for a friggin' Wisconsin fan anytime, either.

So I leave, again, with a scant few words of advice:

A.) You may never be getting an NL preview from Todd, and one way to ensure that you'll never get one is by asking for it.
B.) For an amusing take on the Barroid Bonds situation, as well as the Steroid Era in general, please check out Chuck Klosterman's piece on ESPN.com, and do so before the Worldwide Tyrant puts the column under their money-grubbing "Insider" heading.

Be seeing you...

Baseball 2006: It's our year!! AL Only

First off I'm going to bitch about fantasy baseball. It's what I do. However, I want to thank you all for letting me draft 6 number 1 starting pitchers. But HOWEVER, not a single one of those pitchers got a win in their teams opening day game. In fact, all of those teams lost AND one of the pitchers got injured. Thank you CC sabbatical and your "growing" abdomen pain. Fatty. Yet, I won the draft. That's 12 fantasy drafts in a row I won. You guys need to stop sucking.

Anyway, it's baseball preview for the AL. NL is up next, because everyone loves the NL. Well, none of you do. But whatever.

AL East

1) Yankees - There's not much more I can say about this team you haven't already heard. Incredible offense, solid bullpen, and the starters.....ehhh....you just don't know. But any rotation that features a Big Unit in the one hole and a Wang in the three hole (think about it) is ok in my book
Wins: 94

2) Red Sox - I'm not sold on this squad this year, but they should still finish in 2nd. I feel like the injury bug is gonna bite and bite hard. If everyone stays healthy, the could contend with the yanks, but I don't think that's gonna happen.
Wins: 86

3) Bluges - This team is my under-the-radar in the playoff hunt for this year. Two really good pitchers when healthy (roy toy and Burnett), upgrades at 1B, 3B, and C, solid bullpen, and a really under-the-radar talent waiting to bust out (Rios). If this team can sneak into the wild card spot, no one wants any part of them in the postseason. But if halladay and burnett can't stay healthy, they have no chance
Wins: 84

4) Devil Rays - They won't finish in last place for the first year ever!! Good young hitting and a potential star in Kashmir. I'm sure Las Vegas will grow to love this team once they move there.
Wins: 71

5) Orioles - There's some talent on this team, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. This squad is mediocre at basically everything and excels at nothing.
Wins: 68

AL Central

1) White Sox - Everyone still considers last year's team a fluke. And well, it's hard to argue with it. But somehow, this team is elite. There's no reason to think they won't be as good if not better than last year. A really good starting rotation, better than average bullpen, very balanced and solid lineup, and a totally insane spic manager.
Wins: 95

2) Indians - They just aren't there yet. In fact, I think last year's team was better. Losing Coco hurts more than you'd think. Also, some key pitching losses (Millwood, Howry) are gonna cost them. They had the best bullpen in the majors last year and I don't think they can do that again. Could they make the playoffs? Sure, I think they could. But no team that starts Casey Blake is any real threat.
Wins: 86

3) Twins - Defense and pitching....yes, we get it. However, you need SOME offense and they don't. It's not the worst of all time, but it's not good. They might linger for a while but be a non-factor at the end
Wins: 80

4) Tigers - You want good young pitching? Look no further. Wanna see consistently good pitching? Quickly look away!! To be fair, no one has any idea what to do with this team. You look at the depth chart individually and think, "well none of these guys are terrible". But THEN, you look at it all together and think, "yeesh, isn't there more?" Well, there's not.
Wins: 72

5) Royals - Worst team in baseball. Might be the worst team in the international league. I say this for 2 reasons.
1 - Scott Elarton was the Indians 5th/spot starter last year. He's the Royals' "ace".
2 - One of their players is currently on the 15-day DL with "lack of stamina". They haven't even started the season!!! Your...head...X...plode
Wins: 14


AL West
Has anyone else noticed that NO ONE cares about the west division in either league? It's true, just read my preview.

1) Something Angels of Somewhere - They'll win this division b\c they should. Then they'll lose a 4 game series to the Yankees/White Sox. Can't we just fast forward?
Wins: 89

2-4) A's, Rangers, Mariners
And no one cares.


AL Cy Young - Halladay: I think he's back, for good.
Others: Santana, Best "Sock"? (Red and White), Dick Hardon

AL MVP - A-Job: The crop seems thin this year. Be on the lookout....
Others: Vlad the Impaler, Jim Thome, Mel Novak, Peyton Manny.

Playoffs
White Sox over Angees in 4
Yanks over Tribe in 5

White Sox over NYY in 6

Tourney Challenge - How stupid we all look

So, the less said about that national title game the better. What everyone really wants to know is, "what are the results of theblog.net's second annual tournament challenge, built by the Home Depot?" We had an unofficial record 18 participants this year, and the top 10 broke down thusly:

1. Buckeye Tom - 860 points - percentile 97.9 nationally
2. The Future Mrs. Jack Fu - 680 points - percentile 83.9
3. Yours Effing Truly - 660 points - percentile 80.2
4. Los Torgonators - 640 points - percentile 75.7
5. Dunne - 610 points - percentile 66.3
6. tie: Dids, and Mike Neary - 590 points each - both in percentile 59.6
8. Anita - 580 points - percentile 55.9
9. Reader Wise - 570 points - percentile 52.1
10. Sire of Jack Fu - 560 points - percentile 48.1

Congratulations to the winner, Buckeye Tom of The Subsidiary. He had this thing wrapped up over a week ago, as he was in first place and the only one who had any possible points remaining once the Final Four was set. But it would have been uncouth to crown him champeen of, uh ... the blog ... before it was officially official. Now that it is, a hearty "congrats" to you, good sir. A complimentary version of the home game and turtle wax and yada yada yada. PRIDE! PRIDE WAS ON THE LINE, BITCHES!!!

Special kudos go out to Scooter and Nips, who both managed to wriggle into the dreaded, "Evan in the 2002 Bowls Pick 'Em," BOTTOM TENTH OF THE COUNTRY. Scott pulled up the rear, scoring in the THIRD percentile nationally, while Nipsey outdid him by 50 points and soared up to the TENTH percentile. You guys were hammered by four girls and at least one male who doesn't even watch basketball. (And please, if you want a great laugh, check out Scooter's bracket. There are more horizontal dashes there than in an entire book written in Morse Code.) I, for one, salute you real men of genius. Huzzah.

So Dids, our resident bases-ball gives-a-crap guy, is apparently going to be coming hard with his belated baseball preview sometime in the sort-of near future. Bated breath, yes.