Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Preparing for the NIT

See, I wasn't just being mean when I said we weren't making the tournament. We haven't beaten anyone important in weeks. Sure we hang around and lose by 3 to Indiana (hey Diebler, if you make more than 1 of your 6 threes that game goes into overtime), but we're losing to teams like Iowa and Michigan now. Last week the experts had us listed as going to the tournament along with the other Big Ten teams, but since our 3 game losing streak I have to send us to the NIT instead.

There are rules a fan has to obey when cheering for a team in the NIT. We're not allowed to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Sorry. You have to go to that ghetto wing place, "Ronnie's Wings n' Shit" down the street and watch the Buckeyes from a plywood booth on the faded color TV propped up on that miracle "how is that thing screwed into the wall?" display. The games are on nights like Monday and Wednesday and they're not even on ESPN. Oh no, ESPN is showing the Big Dance...for the women. Nope, we get ESPN2 and maybe some Pam Ward to do our games. Meanwhile, teams like Drake are enjoying the spotlight of being the talk of everyone's bracket. Watch out for those 10 seeds, blah blah blah.
"Can I get some blue cheese?" No, I can't. They only serve ranch at Ronnie's. And don't bother asking for celery or a wet-nap because only NCAA tournament fans deserve that kind of treatment. Holy shit a 250 pound black woman just changed the station to Fox so she can see who is on American Idol this week. Nothing I can do about it, I'm not at a sports bar.

And now for your Diebler 3-ball report...

16-45 since I last reported. Wow, Jon, that's over 33%, you're almost like a real recruit. Don't make me look up your girlfriend on facebook and email her some advice to pass onto you. (You'll recall Sideshow Matt's girlfriend didn't take that too well). Instead, I've found and joined the group "Is Jon Diebler every going to make a shot?"

Thursday, February 21, 2008

This might work

If you follow the Cavs as closely as I do through the regular season (checking on them on every few nights to see if they're a 4 or 5 seed) then you might be interested to know they had a biracial 3-way. The 11 man trade was so confusing that had to take down their original post about it because they screwed up some names (I swear they had something posted and now it's replaced by this hot chick who is wearing see-through clothes. If I sound like I'm trying to draw you to a more interesting blog, then yeah, I am. We're still months away from meaningful NBA games.

The LeBron's pickup Wally (there's no way I'm taking the time to spell his name right, you know who I mean, the white guy who Danny Ferry is now going to vicariously live through), Ben Wallace (wait, is he the really good one who's kinda obnoxious or the okay one who's just kinda obnoxious? Oh, damn it's not Rasheed), and Joe Smith, a #1 pick overall from back when I was still playing Tecmo basketball on my SNES and sure that could have been last week, but this is his 9th team since the 95-96 season. I was going to say that's a lot of moving but I've moved 14 times since then so I won't judge. There might be a 2nd round pick in there somewhere as well.
What does all this mean? The Cavs returning to Finals? No, that won't be interesting. Can you imagine losing a championship two years in a row? Speaking of old video games, I think it would be best for basketball to have a matchup that was also the title of the Sega Genesis's first NBA game...Lakers Vs. Celtics. (I can tell it's Bird because he has bright yellow hair, wow this is so real!)