Poinsettia Bowl 4th Quarter and I Want to Die

First play and Tidwell sacks Holland. "Tidwell sacks Holland" sounds like a pretentious (my favorite kind!) emo band or something. Or a caption in a history textbook. Either way, that sack went a long way toward ending this game. Shitty, shitty punt proves that when it rains, et cetera.

Navy ball, CSU 45, 14:10
My cable is all fucked up and choppy for reasons which are escaping me. It goes on like this … and … okay, Navy has the ball at the 26, 2nd-and 6. Option keeper by Owens for 4. Two straight Ballard runs, if necessary? Nope, option pass, and it gets tipped by a DB at the last possible second. 4th-and-2 … option pitch to Nelson, and one broken tackle later it's a 22-yd score. Thank you and goodnight. Curry: "This is the trap option again and it has been the best play all night, because apparently it just takes the free safety completely out of the action." Ouch, buddy. Ouch. And a CSU player is down, needing CSU's equivalent of the Cave to come over and tend to his wounded pride. 48-24, Navy.

CSU ball, own 26, 11:44
Deep ball going for all the wombles … and CAUGHT for a 51-yd gain. Then touchdown. Two plays, 74 yards. Johnny Walker Red got behind everyone on a faked reverse where Holland kept the ball the whole time. And CSU calls a timeout, because they want to go for two to get within 16, naively thinking they have a shot in hell at stopping Navy. *Sigh* They come out in a tight I … this time they try to run an end-around pass with Anderson, but the DE stays at home and blows it up. 48-30, Navy.

Navy ball, own 30, 11:13
Ballard was just compared to a battering ram by Gary, and I'm okay with that. Wow, after a 9-yd run on the first play, Ballard busted up the middle, brokeback mountained one tackle, then bowled over a DB, lost a shoe, and rumbled for 32 yards. Carry is so excited that you can almost hear him masturbating. Plus, he just said "rippin' and snortin'" for about the seventh time tonight, whatever that means. "He's leavin' shoes, he's leavin' shoulderpads … he's leavin' some sternums in his wake!" I love you Bill Curry. Of course, it's 1:52 a.m. and my mind is pretty much Jello at this point. CSU has 11 missed tackles so far tonight. Pitch to Nelson, run up the middle, Ballard dive … yes, eating clock … and then an inexplicable option pass!?! Incomplete, but they call pass interference. Goddammit, I want Navy to keep the ball and keep running. When CSU gets it back, they'll, you know, pass and shit. 1st-and-goal at the 5. Stuffed. Stuffed. Incomplete pass. What the fuck is going on. Chip shot FG is good. 51-30, Navy.

CSU ball, own 22, 6:45
First play is a catch by Anderson out to midfield. Holland has completed his last 13 passes. And Tidwell gets another sack. Yooge game by him. Timeout CSU. Mother fucker. Navy's mascot is a sheep for no discernible reason. 1,057 yards of offense so far. Screen pass to a little black scatback with dreadlocks, whom I can only assume is named Squeaky Johnson. 3rd-and-10 and Navy brings the kitchen sink, and Holland commits the most blatant intentional grounding I have ever seen. He just turned and threw the ball straight at the sideline, almost like a lateral. And they're punting. Thank God. Let's get the hell out of here.

Navy ball, own 35, 5:25
Owens is out, and … he's running into the locker room. Whatever. New Honkey QB keeps the option for about 35 yards, and goes out of bounds. Ugh. Bench-clearing time. Little bit of chippiness from CSU on NHQB. DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Tired tired tired tired tired. Ballard ballard ballard ballard ballard ballard ballard ballard OWENS, OWENS, ballard ballard ballard …. Curry makes a semi-interesting point: you normally think about Navy using the option attack to make up for athletic deficiencies, but this Navy squad is really fast at the skill positions but undersized on the lines. Pick by NHQB at the goal line.

CSU ball, own 31, 2:41
Blah blah blah. Throwing. Moving the ball. Navy calls timeout and I want to shoot someone. Turn it over on 4th down Navy QB Kneels my head a'splode.

Final score: Navy 51, CSU 30