Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Thebowl.challenge: One game left!

Hola, kiddies. I arrived back at home from one of my semi-yearly pilgrimages to Columbus yesterday, not having checked or the super duper thebowl.challenge in several days. So now, a scant two hours from gameti-- urr, the beginning of the yawn-worthy "fellate USC"-fest (Sidenote: Shelley Smith is reporting on her conversation with Leinart's Dad right now on SportsCenter) that the pregame is going to be, I'm going to update everyone on what our little standings are, as well as who should be rooting for whom and who will win if Texas wins and when USC wins.

1Charlie Weiss is FatJ. Wise17-101256
2Santa's Little HelperMaw and Paw Moyer18-98250
3This is My EntryP. Wholezinga17-1023247
3Splatterdome Brady QuinnJ. Moyer17-1011247
3Steven ScrumptiousJ. Maynard17-102247
6Jew-Drew BreesT. Hykes16-118234
6DurhamR. Durham16-1125234
8Unoriginal BastardR. Davis15-1228230
9NyholmM. Nyholm14-1311212
10Tedd E Inge 4 HeismanS. Mizer15-124211
11Wiggly Jiggly's PickliesZ. Zaret14-1315202
12LEEEEEROOOOOYYY!E. Fairchild12-1525198
13Big Jim Slade's WinnersA. Schill13-1413182
14ShinyK. Sandberg14-1314172

Anyway, what does all this mean? (Sidenote #2: Wilbon just predicted a 42-40 final score for tonight's game. I guarun-Goddamn-TEE you that the score won't be that high. People just flat-out don't give a shit about defense, and Texas plays great defense, so an extremely strong facet of their team is being completely ignored. More on this, sort of, later) I examined who everyone picked for tonight's OMG BIG GAME, and discovered that 9 people picked Texas while 5 went with USC. Somewhat surprising. Anyway, if the Tro-men beat Tay-hass, the top 5 of the pick 'em will end up looking like this, barring some unforeseen math dumbassedness from me:

1DurhamR. Durham18-100259
2Splatterdome Brady QuinnJ. Moyer18-100258
2Santa's Little HelperMaw and Paw Moyer19-90258
2Unoriginal BastardR. Davis16-120258
5Charlie Weiss is FatJ. Wise17-110256

According to my admittedly rudimentary calculations, we won't end up with nearly the Mongolian clusterfaulk at the top of the leaderboard if a Texas victory results. To wit:

1This is My EntryP. Wholezingah18-100270
2Charlie Weiss is FatJ. Wise18-100257
3Santa's Little HelperMaw and Paw Moyer17-110250
4Steven ScrumptiousJ. Maynard18-100249
5Splatterdome Brady QuinnJ. Moyer17-110247

Hence, despite being in the lead right now, "Charlie Weiss is Fat" has a 0.0% chance of winning this thing. Also, I want to kill ESPN for not recognizing that I picked Alabama to beat Texas Tech, suffering an infuriating loss of 21 points because of my "no pick" in that game. It also bears mentioning that I inexplicably lost my 28, 27, AND 26-point games (Michigan, Auburn, and Georgia, respectively). And I'm still guarunteed of finishing in the top-5 of this thing. You morons.

Also, regarding USC-Texas, and more specifically all the "OMG USC IS THE BEST TEAM EVER EVER EVER EVER" bullshit, here's the link to the slate article I talked about - at length - this week. Huzzah. Go Longhorns. Fuck USC. And the popular sports media.


Edited at 7:58 to add: Sorry, Texas. I was rooting for you. But Corso just picked the 'Horns to "shock the universe" and beat USC. Fowler agreed, but the damage had already been done. Time to go watch Keith Jackson ruin what will probably be a good game. Again.


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