Reader Wise Still Cocky, Jinxed
"About as funny as watching a child die of inoperable brain cancer" - a not-so-loyal reader
Welcome boys and boys to 2007 Alamo Bowl. For those of you who just watched the Liberty Bowl, I’m sorry.
A little pre-gaming in the studio: Lou Holtz loves Rick Neuheisel. I think they attended the same dirty coach clinic. Holtz thinks he’s a great recruiter. “Shine here, shine here!” Holtz declares what the recruits should do in his usual cereal-eating old man jubilee.
All right, Holtz and Mark May both are going with Penn St. /Sigh My prediction: Pain. Also, my over/under on number of Paterno pant changes is 1.5.
It’s Paterno’s 500th game. I’m surprised it’s not more. He’s old. In the booth, we have Craig James, Doug Flutie, and Chris Fowler, huzzah. They tell me that the Nitanny Kitties are favored over TAMU. Whatev.
Erin Andrews! Honestly, if she showed some cleavage her career would explode all over her face. And my HD just stopped working…wait for it….and we’re back!
Alamo bowl memories: Nebraska, Nebraska, and Bill Nebraska. Terrific. 13th B10 vs. B12 Alamo bowl and the B10 has a 7-5 lead. At the TAMU pep rally, there were some Faggies that said naughty things. Tisk.
Stephen McGee leads out the offense for the 9th straight year. Also, Jorvorskie Lane is fat, but they just call him thunder. The Penn St. D is obviously expecting running plays by TAMU, but TAMU throws on all plays on their series and still goes 3 and out.
MUFF!! And you can’t advance a muff, but PSU recovers.
Out of nowhere Anthony Morelli unleashes a rope. If he keeps that up, I might have to take away his nickname of TonyMo, but I doubt it.
TAMU D-Lineman Cyril Obiozor! He wins name of the game. He is the Obiozors! Expect a big game from him.
Meanwhile a football game is happening and TAMU looks really slow. They’ve got that Big 12 speed. And as I type that Penn St is stuffed on a 3rd and 1 at the TAMU 38. JoePa is going for it. Seriously, he’s in the game. QB sneak from TonyMo and they…..eh…..got it? Replay….guh? Terrible call, yay! Go Big 10!
Textbook drop by Penn St. on 3rd down. So JoePa attempts a 47 yard FG, and he misses. Cutaway, “ahhh nuts”, exclaims Fowler, and Craig James gives a very southern giggle. For fun.
At a pep rally, JoePa is teaching Penn St fans how to cheer. He’s old. Also, the Giants Pats game is apparently on. I didn’t know. It’s currently 7-0 GEEEEEE-Men. I hate myself.
Fowler just describes the Faggies Tight End (heh) as a “specimen”. I love that term. It sounds dirty, but I can't explain why. Also, the Penn St. LBs are getting swallows up. Yum! And during the chewing process, the Faggies punch it in and JoePa’s D look completely unconcerned with that drive. Faggies 7 Kittes 0
The San Antonio Holmes marketing people are all over the commercials in this game. Remember the Alamo? No? Well, never mind then.
Back to the action. JoePa looks confused. He might just be crapping. A possible fumble on the kickoff by the kitties, and you REALLY notice the heavy crowd for TAMU. They somehow rule it a fumble (Faggies recover), even though I swear I heard a whistle. Review time….it’s upheld. Faggies ball at the PSU 16. Wasting no time they score on the first play as the PSU DLine is the suxors. Somewhere, Cyril is pleased. Faggies 14 Kitties 0
I’m eating an English Muffin and the Faggies just love those penetrating holes. I know it’s early, but it appears the kitties are mailing it in. After looking slow at the start, TAMU is now flying around the field. Turn on the refs mic! And they don’t. Also, Morelli remembers that he’s bad. Faggies force punt and take over at their own 20.
Craig James is rambling about a polecat. Heedly! I’m lost. Meanwhile the 1st quarter is over. Things are not going well.
Highly definite! Also, I’m joined by Heather and Scooter for the time being. As Heather begins saying redrum, redrum for no apparent reason. Erin Andrews is wearing a zip-up plaid potato sack for a vest and the kitties cannot stop the Texas play.
The Faggies RB stops in the backfield on 3rd and one for no reason, and a big stop for PSU. Punt and Derrick Williams pulls the very rare and even less effective juke INTO the defender. Fowler tells me that Kinlaw continues to “show a muscle” and I’m turned on.
Now it’s the Faggies D getting swallowed up. There’s a lot of swallowing going on. Jeff? You at the game? Terrible play call on 3rd down and PSU goes for it on 4th and 3 from the TAMU 30. Despite how bad Morelli is, it’s somehow caught for a TD. Replay. Wow! That’s a great catch. But will they review? Yes. This is dicey. I think that’s a catch, but wow. I’m not sure this play could be reversed no matter what was called on the field. Waiting….waiting….waiting…and officials can’t hear the replay booth. Super. We’re back and the call stands! Huzzah. Faggies 14 Kitties 7
Giant lead the Pats 14-10 and I don’t care. Also, Heather knows that DSL is short for Dick Sucking Lips and I’ve never been prouder. This comes up because I declare Brad Pitt’s baby girl has them.
Now it’s TAMU that looks bored with the game. The momentum in this game has been yooge for both teams. Penn St gets a sack despite being held twice and neither were called. Also, someone’s mom looks terrified. Scooter, “FUMBLE!!!!” It is and the kitties recover at they TAMU 11. I bet this is reviewed. It’s not, and I’m wrong again.
Holy cross. Also wasting no time, PSU scores on the first play, but did he fumble at the goalline? Officials say no, no review. I think he made it, but it was close. And we have a game! Faggies 14 Kitties 14
Mmmmmm….cheezy gordida crunch.
Running the option with Joverski Lane is like running it with a tackle. He’s fat. And the official violently calls a penalty on TAMU. He’s….excitable. And it’s 3rd and 22 for TAMU. Punt time and Penn St should get good field position. They don’t. Kitties take over at about their own 25.
Mike Sherman is the new Faggies coach as they continue to try to convince us that they’re a big time program. Listen TAMU, you’re not. Sorry.
Penn St has to punt after doing nothing and I’m getting really bored with this game. I need some terrible announcers or an AFLAC question. Heather inquires about my novel as my head explodes.
Great ass grab by the Penn St coach! We’re all marveling at it. Meanwhile it’s 3rd and 2 for the Faggies. They don’t get it and it’s punt time. I need some Lou Holtz. I feel dirty about it, but I do.
Ahhh yes, Morelli is still awful and all is right with the world. But there’s a pass interference on TAMU. I think the official just feels bad that no pass will get within 10 yards of a kittie receiver. Morelli goes deep again, he’s the sex cannon! He likes throwing high. I think someone else just showed a muscle, but honestly I can’t be sure.
Tipped pass caught by the center! And in case you’re keeping track, it’s his first reception of the season. Get Rece some WATER!!! He’s all choked up back in the studio. Back to the game and Morelli overthrows someone by 15 yards. That’s his 9th over throw of the half. Holding on PSU…and overthrow number 10. I’m officially tracking it now.
Oddly, the kitties run the ball with only 50 sec left in the half and they have to use a timesout. Penn St year in review and Fowler says, “Ohio St was just better than them”. And Penn St fans are furious. I giggle. Oh right, overthrow 11 as they had a wide open TD.
So Penn St keeps using the back up QB to run and it works again, even on 3rd and nine. Why not. 1st and Goal as the spot gets reviewed. Move it back to the seven. Whatev. I feel a Morelli pick on the way.
1st and goal: 4 yard….nope, incomplete. Odd.
2nd and goal: Shovel pass, nothing, timesout PSU
Flutie is concerned that a Faggie’s fiancé is a whore.
3rd and goal: OHHH! That was almost the pick I predicted.
Kitties convert the short FG and take their first lead in the game. Kitties 17 Faggies 14
20 seconds until half. Nothing doing for TAMU on one of the most awkward lateral plays ever and it’s half time. Paterno asks if Matlock if on
Lou Holtz! He’s giggling and honey oozes out of his nose.
Heather notices how awful Erin Andrews outfit is, and she’s right. However, I’m just ignoring it and mostly worried that I might be showing a muscle. Meanwhile the kittie band shaves letters in their heads and the mildly retarded Craig James thinks is drawn on. Not to be outdone, the completely retarded TonyMo throws one right into a D lineman’s chest. It’s dropped. I say, at least someone could have caught it. I think that’s an improvement for him.
Faggies take over after a punt and immediately turn it over. Well done. Kitty ball at their own 43 and JoePa takes out 12 overthrow Morelli again. TonyMo comes back in, CHUCK IT!!! Ahhh, the moonball (overthrow #13) into double coverage and it’s picked. TAMU ball at their own 2.
Great moment: they show Morelli’s stats (10 for 24, but don’t show he has 13 overthrows) and mention that he believes he has a future at the next level. Next level of what? I’m concerned. Jorvorski Lane fumbles, TAMU gets lucky and recovers and advances it.
Holy cross! TAMU goes for it on 4th and 1 from their own 40. Craig James thinks it’s a great call. *Sigh* Play action, and….EEEE….he barely got it.
The Faggie RB Goodson is an animated runner. Things are flailing all over the place. The Faggies are going to the Texas play on about 80% of their plays.
TAMU is having a nice drive after taking over at their own 2. I think they Faggies are dangerously close to getting flagged for a celebration penalty.
Flutie and James discuss the wordity of Trickeration.
The TAMU kicker hooks in a 38 yarder to tie it up. Nice drive by the Faggies there. However, still think it was a bad call to go for it on their own 40. Whatev. Kitties 17 Aggies 17
I actually think TAMU has outplayed Penn St. so far, but if TonyMo could even approach competent PSU will pull this one out. You listening Tom Brady? Pull out!
Ok, Josh Beckett is a frumpy tool. I think we can all agree on that. And shit. Kinlaw is hurt. Apparently he showed too much muscle.
The Patriots just scored to go up on a Brady-Moss hookup as they both set record for most TDs in a season on the same play. Yay?
JoePa looks confused.
TonyMo WANTED to overthrow again, but the wideout yanks it down for a big first down. He’s still awful. However, approaching competent is on my radar. And PSU runs the Texas play with QB #17.
JoePa looks tired.
JoePa looks grumpy.
MASSIVE HOLE for a 25 yard TD romp right up the gut. The kitties take a lead near the end of the third quarter. That was a big answer to the nice TAMU drive. Kitties 24 Faggies 17
Feels like the Faggies are due for a turnover. Any more points for the kitties and this one is over. As they’d be forced to throw, which doesn’t work for them.
Craig James has really stepped up his game as a terrible announcer. I’m pumped. Now we’re discussing Brooklyn. Why not. Oh my my MY!! Apparently JoePa de-pantsed a Miami player before the '87 bowl game when they were wearing fatigues. I guess the obvious question is: how did he see him?
Heather takes off her shoes and her feet reek. Jackson should be jealous.
Craig James thinks TAMU should be happy that they’re losing in the 4th quarter. He’s the gift that keeps on giving. Meanwhile, nice hold by PSU to force a punt. They take over at their own 32.
So my SOC commercial versus game tally has officially become TonyMo overthrows 13 versus the San Antonio Holmes promos (currently at 9) . I’m excited to see who wins. Well, not really.
WE ARE!!! BIG GAYS!!!!!
Nice stop by TAMU to hold PSU to a three and out. PUNT (Teen Girl Squad) MUFFED! And you can’t advance a muff. TAMU recovers at their own 1. James thinks he should have kept fumbling it. Craig is REALLY stepping it up for me. I can't wait to see how much worse he can get.
TAMU holds in the end zone (ahem, in YOUR end zone) but the CUSA refs won’t call it to give the kitties a safety. Instead, Me and Stephen McGee make a nice play to get a first. However, he’s very awful. But, I think McGee knows he’s awful. TonyMo is dangerously awful for the exact opposite reason.
Craig tells me about the hero position. I die a little.
McGee does it again as he gets a corner to bite and complete it up the sideline on 3rd and 11. And Heather falls asleep while scooter eats a hot pocket.
The side judge gets knocked down, possibly for lack of blaccuracy (he's black). I want a replay to see what happened. Ahhhh. Penn St coaches were creeping on the field. Jerks.
Another nice drive by TAMU. Now at the PSU 34 with a 3rd and 3. The kitties are now getting no pressure on McGee. The Patriots go 16-0. Sigh. Oh, they pick up the 1st.
TAMU has a 4th and inches at the PSU 2. I think they have to go. They do. And, they….FALL DOWN! Classic. Kitties take over on downs. I think PSU had the option sniffed out anyway, but text book fall down makes it all the better.
Goddamn this is a long game. 3.5 hours in and still have half a quarter to go. At least the sponsors are happy. Scooter is eating ham.
Kinlaw returns from his rib injury and immediately shows a muscle.
Oh dear. Joblowme Lane is crying. Doesn’t he know who the PSU QB is? This game is far from over. TAMU students make gun gestures. I’m confused.
Heather awakes and begins signing an original song about ice cream. I’m terrified.
There he is! Overthrow 14. I knew TonyMo would make another appearance. Kitties have to punt. 4 minutes left. Jesus. End all ready!
Shovel pass by McGee, dangerously close to being over the line there. No replay, I wanted to see that again. Oddly, TAMU stays committed to run even this late in the game. However, there is plenty of time.
Palm forward holding call on TAMU backs them into a 2nd and 20. McGee then throws to no one in particular and it’s 3rd and 20.
McGee gets crushed after the throw and it’s 4th and 20. TAMU elects to punt with 2:09 to go. Touchback. The kitties need to kill 2 minutes to take home the win.
Kitties pick up a first down and that should just about do it. TAMU take their last timesout with a buck 22 to go. More crying from TAMU players. AND……that’s it. Almost 4 hours and over 2500 words. Congrats to Penn St. on the Alamo Bowl win and to graduating TonyMo. All us buckeye fans sure will miss you.
Final Score: Kitties 24 Faggies 17
|1||The Dur's picks = FAIL||J. Wise||10-1||343||157|
|2||Football in the Groin||J. Morgan||10-1||346||152|
|3||Simply The Vest||Jeff||10-1||349||147|
|4||Do me, I'm gay||Todd||8-3||356||144|
|7||Charlie Weiss Cat||Kristin||6-5||375||114|
|10||lick my houston nutts||Kevin||7-4||375||107|
|12||Special Education Conference||Andrea||8-3||409||106|
|13||Suck on Effervescent Cocks||Ryan||8-3||385||105|
|15||Joel defends hate crimes||The Dur||8-3||400||94|
I kind of wish SMQ had made this post before our bowl picks had to be made. He only predicts a 34-29 Longhorn victory, but his points made me extremely leery of ASU. According to the broadcast last night, ASU QB Rudy Carpenter basically talked trash to the Texas players all week at the various functions players have to go to before bowl games. That ... didn't work out so well for Rudy. The Sun Devils got down 21-0 after one quarter and ended up getting outrushed 300-22 on the way to a 52-34 Longhorn victory. A flurry of 4th quarter passing from ASU's backup ended up nudging ASU over 300 yards passing, but total yards still totalled out to a 474-327 (5.5 to 4.2 in yards per play) advantage for Texas. ASU's five turnovers didn't help. But it was an overturned turnover (wow, palindrome-ish) that ended up being the story of the game: with Texas up 21-0 and ASU driving, Carpenter threw a rather careless lateral that Texas scooped up, destroying any momentum the Devils had accumulated. BUT: Texas assistant (and Mack Brown's step-son) Chris Jessie pulled a Bartman and apparently touched the ball, resulting in an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty which gave ASU the ball back. The Sun Devils scored on the next play to make it 21-7. Personally, I though the replay made it fairly clear that Jessie didn't actually touch the ball (and Jessie stressed this over and over in a postgame interview), which made the determination by the officials somewhat puzzling. For what it's worth, LD from Gunslingers thinks the call stunk all-around.
|1||Football in the Groin||J. Morgan||7-1||379||119|
|2||The Dur's picks = FAIL||J. Wise||7-1||385||115|
|3||Charlie Weiss Cat||Kristin||4-4||390||104|
|4||lick my houston nutts||Kevin||6-2||390||103|
|5||Do me, I'm gay||Todd||5-3||400||100|
|8||Simply The Vest||Jeff||7-1||404||92|
|9||Special Education Conference||Andrea||6-2||434||88|
|12||Joel defends hate crimes||The Dur||5-3||424||70|
|13||Suck on Effervescent Cocks||Ryan||5-3||421||69|
|15||Tackle Football Picks||Fred||4-4||371||61|
We all knew CMU's defense was, shall we say, iffy at best. They gave up yards and points all year, most notably for our purposes in a September matchup with Purdue, who happened to be their bowl opponent last night. As expected, yards and points were plentiful, but there were two big noticeable things on top of that: Central provided plenty of yards and points this time, and Central's tackling, particularly in the first half, was atrocious, and added bushels of YAC to Curtis Painter's already magnificent day: 35 of 54 for 546 yards, 3 TDs and 2 INTs. Purdue got up 34-13 at the half and seemed to have the game in hand, but CMU put up a 28-point third quarter, tying the game at 41 going into the fourth. Then each team traded scores, Central knotting the score on an acrobatic 19-yard TD catch by Bryan Anderson. But? But: in the words of the imminently mortal Wayne Fontes, they scored too quickly. The Chips opted for a pop-up punt which gave Purdue the ball at their own 40, and Painter led them down the field for the winning kick as time expired. All in all, a good showing from the Chippewas. OT would have been fun, but I guess the game was kind of okay as it was.
|1||Football in the Groin||J. Morgan||6-1||382||116|
|2||The Dur's picks = FAIL||J. Wise||6-1||389||111|
|3||Charlie Weiss Cat||Kristin||4-3||393||104|
|4||lick my houston nutts||Kevin||6-1||393||103|
|5||Do me, I'm gay||Todd||5-2||402||100|
|9||Special Education Conference||Andrea||5-2||440||82|
|10||Simply The Vest||Jeff||6-1||421||75|
|12||Suck on Effervescent Cocks||Ryan||5-2||428||69|
|13||Joel defends hate crimes||The Dur||4-3||429||65|
|15||Tackle Football Picks||Fred||4-3||387||61|
There is basically nothing to update in the standings today, because the standings look exactly like they did yesterday. Why? Because every single one of us -- that's 100%, 33 out of 33 -- picked Boise State to win last night. And personally, I think we were right to do that. Boise was a much better team; however, as happens at least three or four times every bowl season, a team just didn't bother showing up, put forth a 50% effort, and either 1.) lost to a team they had no business losing to, or 2.) got blown out by a team that was approximately their equal. We have our first culprit this year: the Smurf Turfers from Boise. They stunk and shouldn't even have been close, in a game that shouldn't have been close, but in the opposite direction. So the standings stay the same.
Staying at folks' place for Christmas. Unable to sleep. Go downstairs. Can't watch TV because sister is sleeping on the couch. Decide to serf the interwebs. STUMBLE ONTO COMEDIC GOLD THAT ALSO SERVES AS VALUABLE FIELD TESTING FOR THE LADDER THEORY AND A CAUTIONARY TALE FOR YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE. Why the HELL have I not been made aware of this site before? Ladies and hombres, I present unto you: Hot Chicks with Douchebags.
|1||Charlie Weiss Cat||Kristin||4-1||396||104|
|2||Football in the Groin||J. Morgan||5-0||439||89|
|2||The Dur's picks = FAIL||J. Wise||5-0||442||86|
|4||lick my houston nutts||Kevin||5-0||451||77|
|5||Do me, I'm gay||Todd||4-1||454||73|
|7||Suck on Effervescent Cocks||Ryan||4-1||458||66|
|8||Special Education Conference||Andrea||4-1||465||62|
|9||Simply The Vest||Jeff||5-0||468||60|
|12||Joel defends hate crimes||The Dur||3-2||469||54|
Holy Terwilliger's! I know it doesn't mean anything but we're beating Florida at something. In The Schott today the Buckeyes lead 49-33 with 10:00 left. What are the odds we hold them to under 41 points? I'd like to be able to give you some mid-game stats but cbssportsline.com has decided that these 2 programs probably don't have enough of a following for anyone to care...plus the game has nothing to do with CBS other than the fact that they happen to be the networking airing the game. So no live game statistics today.
... or just about everyone did. In what could end up being the least compelling matchup of the bowl season, Florida Atlantic beat Memphis 44-27 in the N'Awlins Bowl, and very very very VERY few people in the pick 'em had that game at a confidence level above 1 or 2. Well, except for group leader Kristin and Her Completely Random Picks (29 points on Memphis. Woops.), Kevin (22 points on FAU), Ryan (9 points on FAU), and huge notable exception Fred, who stands at 0-2 in the group, having lost his 25- and 23-point picks (Navy and Memphis). As it stands, seven entrants are languishing at 0-2: Fred, Schill, Katey, Dustin, Kat, coworker Stephen, and someone named "R. Davis." No one is out of it (except Fred), but Katey and Kat (and Kat's spectacular pick set name) stand a particularly good chance at getting back into it, as they have only lost 5 and 3 points, respectively. As always this early in the bowl season, THINGS GON' CHANGE. On tap for today:
|1||Charlie Weiss Cat||Kristin||1-1||468||32|
|2||Football in the Groin||J. Morgan||2-0||499||29|
|2||The Dur's picks = FAIL||J. Wise||2-0||499||29|
|4||lick my houston nutts||Kevin||2-0||505||23|
|6||Simply The Vest||Jeff||2-0||516||12|
|8||Joel defends hate crimes||The Dur||1-1||518||9|
|8||Suck on Effervescent Cocks||Ryan||1-1||518||9|
|10||Do me, I'm gay||Todd||1-1||519||8|
|12||I'm kind of a big deal||B. Gordon||1-1||519||5|
|14||Special Education Conference||Andrea||1-1||524||3|
|14||The Thunder||S. Lawrence||1-1||524||3|
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year began in earnest last night, as Utah got a mid-second-half rally to go up comfortably and then weathered a late-second-half rally from Navy to hold on for the win (SOC forthcoming all the time coming from Jeff). If you went to bed a little after midnight when Utah got up 35-25 with a minute and a half left (though why would you, if you stayed up that late anyway?) you missed a semi-wild finish, as the Middies threw (I know!) a 58-yard TD pass and recovered the onside kick with :50 left. Unfortunately lightning didn't strike twice for QB Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada (cut-and-paste, bitches), as he threw a pick on Navy's second play after the recovery. Utah scrolled through their plays, selected "QB Kneel," and the game was over.
|1||Charlie Weiss Cat||Kristin||1-0||496||32|
|2||Football in the Groin||J. Morgan||1-0||503||25|
|3||The Dur's picks = FAIL||J. Wise||1-0||504||24|
|6||Simply the Vest||Jeff||1-0||518||10|
|7||Joes defends hate crimes||The Dur||1-0||519||9|
|8||Do me, I'm gay||Todd||1-0||520||8|
|11||The Thunder||S. Lawrence||1-0||525||3|
|13||The Eye of Sauron||ADAM!!1!||1-0||527||1|
And I've got a big fucking spoon. Sexually.
Greetings, everyone out in blogland. Or, alternatively, both of you reading this. It was brought to my attention last Friday that VH1, your one-stop shop for retro pastiche, had compiled a list of the "100 Greatest Songs of the 90s." Obviously this struck me as something that would tickle my fancy, since anyone who knows me knows that 1.) I love making and talking about lists, especially those that are pop culture-related, and 2.) I am weak. Hence, as an exercise for the upcoming bowl season, when I will be (hopefully) posting every day and (theoretically) doing a running diary/liveblog/SOC of a game, I decided to watch this silly special and talk about it, bloggy-style.
Michigan seems to be pretty happy about their hiring of...dammit, I already don't like him. He's much harder to type than Loyd Carr. I refuse to learn how to spell Double R's name. I suppose they have visions of him running the spread offense all over us. Good luck dipping into that deep talent pool of black quarterbacks in the Michigan high school system. Yep, lots of speed demons from that upper peninsula who will love playing in 30 degree weather. There's a reason we play smashballs football in the Big Ten...half of the season it's the better option in the given conditions.
TRADITION! YIDDISH! Wait, fuck ... BOWLS!
Les Miles is still going to Michigan. I haven't heard someone spin their talks and be that "non-volunteering of truth"-ish since Clinton. He used no future tense about saying he's the coach at LSU. I'll give it a few days, but this story will be back out in the open again soon.
Fear not my friends! I have discovered the weakness of the spread offense. I think we saw it in West Virginia's loss, LSU has been exposed some, and I'm sure you can name a few other examples. Running the spread offense makes you a one man team. If your quarterback so much as hurts a finger (nice example), your whole offense is screwed. 2 quarters without a quarterback and you're losing to a man flailing around on crutches named Wanstache! So how do we go on and beat LSU. Hurt their quarterback...and then next...and then next until that Doucet guy has to go from catching passes to taking direct snaps.