Monday, February 28, 2005

Mommy, can I sleep in Michael Jackson's bed?

Ok, I don't know how many of you are keeping up with this Jackson heavy-petting case, but you need filled in. We all know he's a nutjob (think about it), but after reading the article covering the trial, I'm pretty sure everyone is. Everything below are excerpts from that article with, of course, my commentary.

"Jackson, 46, is charged with molesting the then-13-year-old cancer patient at his Neverland ranch in 2003, plying him with alcohol and conspiring to hold him and his family captive."
Someone should have told me sooner there was cancer involved. If there's something hotter than a 13-year-old, drunk, cancer patient, I haven't found it.

"[The defense attorney] went on the attack, saying the mother of the accuser fraudulently claimed to many people that she was destitute and that her son needed money for chemotherapy. In truth, he said, the boy's father was a member of a union that covered his medical bills."
Wow, that's a pretty low move by the mother. Exploiting her cancer-ridden child claiming he needs Chemo Vonmoreoften and raking in the fraudulent money. Resourceful, but very, very low.

"The mother also approached comedian George Lopez and a Los Angeles TV weatherman who staged a fund-raiser for the child at a comedy club, the defense attorney said.
"At the fund-raiser, there was (the boy) in the lobby of the Laugh Factory with his hand out, prodded by (his mother)," Mesereau said. "
George Lopez?!?! That's the best she could do? At least she made up for it by going after LA TV weatherman. I'm still chuckling about a mother "prodding" her kid to ask for money. Laugh Factory indeed.

"He said celebrities including Mike Tyson and Jim Carrey turned the family away, but Jackson was too sympathetic. "The most vulnerable celebrity became the mark, Michael Jackson," Mesereau said. "
I don't know about you, but when I think "sympathetic celebrity", Mike Tyson is top of the list.

"But the prosecutor said Jackson had intended to use the boy as part of a comeback attempt by discussing in a television documentary how the singer helped him through his cancer. "
Ok, so this boy is being exploited by his mother, michael jackson, AND cancer. That's not a sentence I ever expected to type.

"When the February 2003 TV documentary "Living With Michael Jackson," aired, showing the pop star holding hands with the boy and saying he allows children to sleep in his bed, "Jackson's world was rocked," Sneddon said. "
What?? He was holding hands and sleeping with little boys!! He knew he was doing these things!! How could he be surprised?!?!

"The molestation began a short time later, Sneddon said."
In the courtroom?

"Sneddon said Jackson told the boy that masturbation was normal, then reached into the boy's underpants and masturbated the boy and himself. The second event occurred the same way, Sneddon said, but Jackson tried to move the boy's arm toward his own genitals and the boy resisted."
So, the cancer kid was ok with MJ strumming the dueling banjos, but didn't wanna repay the favor? You ALWAYS reciprocate!!! That kid is just a Also, Mike has got some talents. Playing whack-a-mole with two hands is tough!! Don't ask how I know.

"The prosecutor alleged that when the boy and his family first visited Neverland, Jackson told the boy to ask his mother if he could sleep in Jackson's bedroom. He said Jackson then showed sexually explicit Web sites to the boy and his own son, Prince Michael, on that visit..."
Just wait, it gets better...
"...When an image of a woman with bare breasts came on the screen, Sneddon said, Jackson turned to the group and said: "Got milk?"
Nothing I could say here would live up to that. He should take that material on the road.

Now for the final touch. (From this article, not from MJ, he does lots of touching) The mother...
"Jackson's attorney, meanwhile, suggested a history of fraud by the mother against others including J.C. Penney, which paid her $152,000 to settle claims stemming from an encounter with security guards when her son left a store with items that had not been paid for. The mother claimed they were battered, held against their will and that she was groped. "
This woman has got some style. Sending her cancer factory to steal and then claiming SHE was the victim. Wow. Wait for it...

"Mesereau said an employee of a law firm that represented the mother in the J.C. Penney suit has come forward and will testify that the mother admitted lying. The employee didn't come forward before because the mother said her husband had a cousin in the Mexican mafia and she feared for her life, Mesereau told the jury."
I can only hope it's George Lopez.

The way I see it, this trial can only get better from here. You know will keep up updated and molest anything we can.

Recker, damn near killed her!

All this talk of past Hawkeyes and you forgot Luke "drunken car" Recker. HE KILLED SOMEONE. What a sweet move on his part. Maybe he was drunk. Maybe he just wanted out of Arizona. Maybe she was pregnant and he was just smarter than Rae Carruth. Tragically his girlfriend only ended up in a wheelchair. I wonder if they're still dating? I mean, if she's paralyzed from the waist down, she wouldn't even notice the making. You'd just have to show more attention to her cripple nipple so she could get something out of it. Also, no love for Reggie Evans?? He's getting 10 boards a night for the Sonics. He isn't getting the same amount of fouls called on him as he did in big 10 play. However, he manages to be effective anyway. Furthermore, he's on of the 5 ugliest people I've ever seen. Right there with Scottie Pippen and Erin. However, Dean Oliver!!! I'll take all-of-er!!! Hey-O!! I should say olive-him, you know, since he's a he. He is adorable and so perfectly mini-a-ture!! He's already travel-size. Cute!! Teehee!! Ya gay

More on college basketball. Tomorrow is March 1st which means it's less than two weeks away from selection sunday people. Since I'm the resident bracketologist (Joe LeRetardo be damned), I'm going to give my loyal readers some insight into zee bubble teams. I feel required to do so since while watching College Gamenight Digger claimed that Indiana is a lock for the tourney. Uhhh, sure. Here's how I see it right now. There's 34 at-large bids available. Currently I give 24 teams "lock" status. Which means, unless massive collapse, they're in. That means there's 10 (decimal) spots left. That decimal joke worked on two levels, I'm proud. I figure there's about 20 teams with a realistic chance of getting in. Now, of the 24 "locks", 5 of them (Pacific, GW, So. Ill, Nevada, Utah) are conference leaders of a mid-major. Therefore, if they win their conf. tourneys, it's going to add to the 10 remaining spots. So, it's possible that more of these teams will make it than 10. However, some weird team could win a major conference tourney too and remove a spot. So think about that. Here's how I'd rate them at the moment. Remember, a lot is going to change in the next two weeks.

1) UCLA - very close to lock status with win over ND
2) DePaul - Solid overall and conf record, RPI of 41
3) Maryland - Two wins over duke and an RPI of 38...I'm not sold on this team yet, needs more work to make it, but right now, they're in
4) G-Tech - Probably in since committee will account for injuries. RPI of 44.
5) West Virginia - I don't see how you can keep this team out. Two wins over Pitt, a 15 point road win at LSU, solid overall record. RPI of 53.
6) Texas - The injuries have hurt them and will be frowned upon by committee. However, with an RPI of 35 and good resume, I think they deserve it.

Last four in.
7) Minnesota - 10 big ten wins and 20 overall with win over penn st this week. No real big wins to mention and rpi of 47. Probably needs two in big 10 tourney
8) Stanford - I'm not so sure why everyone is calling this team a lock. They're resume is very similar to Minny but with a slightly higher rpi at 36. However, if they beat washington this week, they're in for sure.
9) Wichita St. - C'mon!!! It's the shockers!!! RPI of 34. Whatever.
10) Miami (OH) - This team has a higher RPI (25) and beat Wichita St, shouldn't they be above them? Yes, so flip 9 and 10. I would, but I'm lazy.

Last four out.
11) Vermont - They basically have to win their conf. tourney after losing to Maine. I don't care if their RPI is 23. It's bullshit.
12) G'town - On a slide and don't look like a tourney team. RPI of 66 doesn't help.
13) Indiana - No way this team is a lock Digger. Overall record sucks along with RPI (69). Probably needs to make it to Big 10 finals.
14) Buffalo - Really? has them in right now. Really? I don't see it happening.

Hanging on...
15a & b) V-Tech and Miami (FL) - They've each had a nice season in a tough conf., but unless they do damage in the ACC tourney, there's no chance. RPI of 116 for v-tech is very bad. 63 for miami doesn't help them either.
17) ND - They suck.
18) Akron - Zippee!!!

If you'd like to see my 24 "lock" teams, I could probably do that. If you'd like to see an entire bracket with seeding, I could be convinced to do one. If you like pina colonics and getting caught in the rain, we could be friends.

Expect more on the tourney soon with such features as, how to beat Illinois, pre-selection "how to fill the bracket", and post-selection sunday bracket breakdown.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Things I found out in the past 1/2-hour

First of all, guess who's a color commentator on Saturday ESPNPlus Big Ten basketball games? If you guessed Mark Vershaw, sadly, you're wrong. But you're close. That's right, it's the man with the magic hands, runner-up to Douggie Gottlieb for the "Point Guard We Never EVER Want to See Shoot the Ball," Mr. Mike Kelley!! (My favorite part about that link, for those that remember him: look at his position. Stupid Sports Illustrated). Let's hear it for Mike! I got flashbacks to him threading the needle on backdoor passes to Andy Kowske while Kowske rolled to the basket after screening. And then I fainted. (But, just because it's Saturday, I'm including this link. That's right: Mark Vershaw, Jon Bryant, and Carson Cunningham. If I could have found one with those three, plus Brian Cardinal ... well, let's just say I wouldn't share it with YOU people...)

I woke up a few minutes later and checked my mail. As happens on every Saturday afternoon, my Entertainment Weekly came. While persuing, I found out ... okay - whew ... I found ... GUH ... Okay, okay: THERE'S A SPECIAL EDITION DVD OF "HOOSIERS" COMING OUT!! HUH-HAW!! I knew I abstained from buying it for a reason! Just like I ain't buying either of the "Kill Bill" movies, because you just know Tarantino's gonna come out with some big-ass, lavish, extras-laden special edition DVD with the two movies put together. I can be patient. But now "Hoosiers" is here, in all its glory! And it's loaded with extras, such as deleted scenes, so we finally get to see the scene where Buddy re-joins the team, and we get to see a few more scenes featuring the awkward romance between Coach Dale and Myra Fleener! Uh ... yay! Plus, the super-special bonus material: "Hoosier History," a small feature on the real-life 1954 Milan High team, on which the Hickory Huskers were based. Extra-super-special bonus material: THE ENTIRE 1954 STATE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME BETWEEN MILAN AND MUNCIE CENTRAL. I think, I think I'm gonna...


Friday, February 25, 2005

The MWB - Now With 100% Fewer Greg Louganis Pictures!

You know, Dids, if the ridiculously non-pointed barbs of your last post constitute "what we do best" on this site, then I say we just pack it in right now and give up. Seriously. You couldn’t be any less funny if you were torturing small children - as opposed to torturing adults, which is what you do every time you post one of your abortions onto this blog for all to read.

Aside from being painfully unfunny, you also happen to be just plain wrong. Suzy Kolber, while far from being Jessica Alba, is no Shelley Smith, either. She’s cute. She’s not a goddess, but she’s quirkily attractive. As a bonus, she knows sports, putting her miles ahead of you. You act like it is so unreasonable for me to feel this way. But I submit to you this, exhibiting comments such as "cute and perky and classy," "hot without trying ... great eyes, the hair 'bob' and a flashy smile," and "she has to be the ultimate dream date for any football fan." Joe Namath and I are clearly not the only ones on board the Suzy Train. Now, we all know that you only do this "Suzy Kolber is a man" crap to annoy me. If you were funny - which you’re not (see first paragraph) - that material might make a worthwhile post. As it stands, an extraordinarily lame Greg Louganis comparison just doesn’t cut it.

However, on the subject of female sideline reporters, if we’re just gonna say "knowledge isn’t quite that important," (because if we were saying "knowledge be damned," I’d say let’s just go back to Lisa Guererro and her beautiful bosoms) you can’t do much better than Erin Andrews, who did last night’s MSU/Wisconsin game. Good lord. And although she isn’t a sideline reporter (she’s currently a field reporter for SportsCenter, and writes an occasional lame column on, I’m also a big fan of Rachel Nichols. Sadly, there are approximately zero pictures of her available on the internet. Suffice it to say that knowledgeable reporter + hot redhead = YAY!

In actual sports-related discussion, the NBA trade deadline came and went, and a flurry of activity took place. Webber to the Sixers, Teen Wolf to the Warriors, Van Horn to the Mavericks. But my favorite move has to be Boston re-acquiring Antoine Walker. Less than two years after GM Danny Ainge, a man noted to be "an outspoken critic of the forward's poor shot selection and style of play," shipped Walker off to the Mavs, Ainge has now engineered ‘Toine’s return to the City of Whining Assholes. I am eagerly waiting for hilarity to ensue.

Hiv me with you best shot!!

Ok, it's time to get back to what we do best around here at midwestbias. You were thinking sports?? FALSE!!! The correct answer is making fun of people. The even more correct answer is making fun of Fu. And the most correct answer, you guessed it: Frank Stallone. Oops, I mean making fun of Fu for liking Suzy Kolber. Normally I would be in full support of man-on-man action, but Suzy still lives the lie of pretending to be a girl.

But wait!!! You say "she" was accosted by Joe Namath for a kiss. I think this only proves my point even more. What kind of man wears a huge fur coat and panty hoes? If you said a very homosexual one, you were right. Also, I figured out that she's actually someone else. There is no Suzy Kolber people!!! It's actually Greg Louganis. The pictures please...

After Greg became Suzy, he gave his hair to Phil

They have the same eye brows, bags under the eyes, and well, HOTT man parts. Other than that, they don't look that similar, but that's not important. Operations are very good these days. However, I'm just telling the fact that Suzy Kolber has a penis. And where does that penis go? Well, in her mouth of course.

I liked the old hair better, slut

Look at the size of that twisted cake hole!! And an incredibly stupid greg-like look on her face. I can see why Jack loves him so much...great mouth, huge cock. Okay, I've had my fun. Next time I'll be back with something sports related. I can't believe I didn't make an aids joke. Weird. Okay to make up for it, I'm going to give Jeff a gay picture to wrap it up...OR YOU'LL GET AIDS!!! ENJOY!!

That is one horny package, and it's all for Jeff.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005


I freaking rocked that test. I guess that means I won?

I am nerdier than 85% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

That sets the standard high. I'm gonna need evan to get on here to top it.

Because I Know You Were All Wondering...

I just took an online test to see how big of a nerd I am. Now, I know that if you've come across this site by anything other than pure chance (i.e., you know one or both of us), then odds are very good that you already know: you are a nerd. No, honestly. You are.

Anywho, this site told me:
I am nerdier than 27% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!
As you can see, this makes me a "wannabe nerd," whatever the hell that means. I am officially less nerdy than 73% of the population. Huzzah.

So, go check it out. Share the results. Just how nerdy are you nerds?

Joseeee, Jose Jose Jose ....

Regarding Dids's proposed "new segment": buddy, you are behind the times. ESPN has been doing it, and doing it better and more thoroughly, for years now. This one is from April of 2002, and yes, it contains Bibby/Troyer. As Jon Stewart classically said of women giving handjobs, "We appreciate the effort, and we appreciate the enthusiasm. But ... you're messing with the master, baby!"

Regarding Canseco's allegations: Come on. Ten Percent? Do you honestly believe that? Tell me, was the public at all surprised by the accusations he's making in his book? Haven't we suspected - not just recently, but for years - everything he's saying? Tne percent? Do you think steroids aren't really a problem in baseball, or do you just think that Canseco specifically is lying?

If you disagree that steroids are a big problem for baseball, well, you haven't been paying attention. Drew Sharp of the Detroit Free Press, among others, has pointed out that "before 1995, about the time the Steroid Era began, there had been two 50-homer season in 25 years. Cincinnati's George Foster hit 52 in 1977 and the Tigers' Cecil Fielder belted 51 in 1990. Between 1995-2002, players hit 50 or more homers 18 times." The Brett Boone and Brady Anderson examples alone merit serious investigation - something is (or was) going on.

So is it just Canseco, then? You seem to think that because Canseco is "crazy, broke, and needs the cash," that he is therefore lying. Well, I don't disagree that the guy is unsavory. He's an asshole, a narcissist, and a buffoon. But those things and "truth-telling" aren't mutually exclusive. So Canseco says somewhere in the neighborhood of 80% of all MLB-ers are on the juice. Ken Caminiti said something similar before he died. Does the fact that he wasn't crazy or broke mean that it's impossible that he was lying? Does being a generally good guy mean that you're definitely not a liar and being a scumbag mean that you are?

Remember that Canseco isn't specifically accusing everyone. He as recounted stories of first-hand knowledge of former teammates, including McGwire, Rafael Palmiero, Juan Gonzalez, and Pudge Rodriguez taking steroids. When asked about others, specifically Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds, for each one Canseco has said something along the lines of "I have no personal knowledge about them. But if you're asking me what I think, then yes, I believe they both used steroids." In that respect, he's no different than I am. I've suspected these guys of juicing up for the past ten years.

And if you think McGwire turned into Thor using over-the-counter supplements ... well, you can go ahead and try to keep your little "Summer of '98" fable as real as you can. Those guys were loaded with the crap. Testimony from Fred McGriff: "Myself personally, I would laugh when I'd see these guys hit long home runs. I mean, basically, we all came up at the same time and had about the same power. But before you knew it, they were hitting 50, 60, 70 home runs -- steroids were everywhere." One writer pointed out: "McGriff and McGwire were rookies in 1987. By the end of the 1991 season, McGwire had hit 178 home runs and McGriff had hit 156. Bonds was a rookie in 1986. By the end of the 1991 season, he had hit 142 home runs. McGwire went on to hit 70 in a season, then 65. Bonds hit 73. McGriff never hit more than 37. And Sosa's production exploded in similar fashion."

Is this all speculation and extrapolation? Of course it is. Because everyone around the scene is being so tight-lipped about it, and because baseball obviously doesn't want its records sullied anymore by known steroid abuse, we're likely to never know the whole, actual truth. Regarding your point about how Sosa has never been explicitly linked ... well, almost no one has. And the only actual information we have at this point came from grand jury testimony that was leaked to the San Francisco Chronicle. Sosa wasn't involved there, and Canseco was never teammates with him. How would we have any hard, reasonably-informed speculation about him cheating (besides, you know, his CORKED FRIGGIN' BAT)?

And if Canseco were in fact lying about this, wouldn't there be a whirlwind of defamation and libel suits going on right now? Palmiero has made a comment about possibly doing it, but no action has been taken. Personally, if someone said something like this about ME, and it were 100% untrue, I'd be slapping a lawsuit on the motherfucker so fast his head would spin. And doesn't his publisher have editors and fact-checkers? Wouldn't they want to protect themselves from possible suits by researching the whole thing and making the book as accurate as possible?

The bottom line is, Canseco isn't telling us anything shocking. Hell, many people have expected EXACTLY what he's claiming here for YEARS. How can you just dismiss what he's saying, just because he's a douchebag?

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

R.I.P. Reggie

We aren't talking the already dead and Jewish Reggie White. I'm saying goodbye to the greatest punter in NFL history, Reggie Roby. I'll remember the soaring high punts, the incredible leg extension, and the blackness. He's the greatest ever, no doubt. I can only assume that in memory of him, he'll be buried deep in the coffin corner.

In my new segment, "people who look like each other", I bring you this gem: point guard or midget? I'm pretty sure they're actually the same person. Have you ever seen Mike Bibby and Vern Troyer in the same room together? I didn't think so.


Background: Mega-Bibby......Foreskin: Jewish Guy with possible Sun Chips

You will never convinced me otherwise. Same person.

In regards to the Michael Jackson witnesses, yeesh. There's nothing more to add at this point.

Onto the steroids...
So Jose (can you see) Canseco Fieldhouse "wrote" a book. He alledges that basically everyone is on the juice. Are all of his stories true? I don't see any way they could be. He's crazy, broke, and needed the cash. I would even go as far to say that they may all be false. He knows that the public is eating up these steroids stories right now. He makes a bunch of stories and he doesn't have to prove any of it. It's a good way to make money, and it's going to work. However, it's more likely that about 10% of it is true. Do I think Big Mac was on the juice? No. I think he was taking over-the-counter supplements, but nothing illegal. What about Bonds? There's a lot of bad things that could have happened there. His trainer was a steroid dealer. That's just a bad move. I'm 100% positive that Brett Boone was on them. Did you ever see that guy shirtless 4-5 years ago?? He was a monster. Then compare him to Aaron Boone...gurrr, uhhhh...they don't look similar. The interesting one in all this is still sosa. While it seems to be accepted he's been on them, there hasn't been any linking of him to the other cases. Is he just smarter than the other guys? Wow, doesn't seem likely. I'm still not sure what to do with him. One guy I hope was on them was alex rodriguez. Then we could call him a-roid.

I think the new steroid testing policy will help, but it's not a tough as it should be. However, that's true of any pro sports drug policy. I think first offense should be 25% of a season and second offense should be banishment. But, if the NBA has taught me anything, it's that you can do whatever drugs you want as a pro athlete, and it really doesn't matter. So in summary, no one care what I think...fuckers.

Oh, You Know ... Things

Just some blurbs on things I've been thinking about...

First of all, I want to give props to Dids on the "John Huston"/"Papa Moneymaker" comparison. It truly is eerie. "The future, Mr. Gitts. The future..."

Next, I don't know how many of you heard about this when the news broke, but Jacko's defense (and by the way, can we officially count the nickname "Jacko" among the fantastic things that England has produced? The list is now up to 3, including America and the Beatles) released their list of possible witnesses, and I have to say, I am impressed. This weirdo has surrounded himself over the years with just about the biggest and weirdest selection of weirdos this side of an electrified weird-ing machine. His list includes...

David Blaine: I'm having ... a hard time ... seeing the connec- Oh, right. They're both batshit.

Uri Geller: Sports my favorite "Claim to Fame" of any of Jacko's "celebrity" witnesses: "Psychic, spoon bender." Gets bonus points for apparently inventing the word "naiveness."

Corey Feldman: Now we're getting somewhere. The Wacko One apparently showed Corey 2 a book containing pictures of naked men and women who had venerial diseases on their genitalia. Now, NOW, in retrospect, Feldman is thinking that maybe, just maybe, this Michael Jackson guy might be, in clinical terms, a friggin' loon. And a child molester. Wow, the, uh ... benefits of age and wisdom, I guess.

Nick and Aaron Carter: Just look at them. If I were a psychotic, degenerate child molester, those two adorable blond boys would be the first ones on my list.

Kobe Bryant: I just ... this boggles the mind. As for attorney Harvey Levin's take that "He could testify (about what it's like to be) an African-American man being falsely accused of sexual charges," well ... let's just say that I wouldn't be surprised if the number of jokes to be made from that sentence alone would overwhelm even Todd.

Deepak Chopra, Diana Ross, Elizabeth Taylor: Crazy, crazy, and crazy. Triple threat!!

(I just thought that last one was funny. Nothing to do with batshit-edness or anything.)

Anyways, moving on:

I want to get Toddzilla's take on the whole 'roids thing going on. Do you think Canseco is telling the truth? If so, do you thing it's all true, or just parts here and there? Do you have any doubt that McGwire was on the juice, or that Bonds is now? Considering how giddy you seemed to be that he got traded, are you finally done licking the balls of that 'roid-pumping bat-corker Sammy Sosa? Do you think the new testing policy will get the job done? Is it harsh enough? Is it too intrusive? If the policy is effective, which number will proportionally decrease the most: Bonds's home run totals or his hat size? Answer these and any other issues you may be able to think about regarding this controversy. I'm gonna go to class. Piso Mojado.

Friday, February 18, 2005

He's much more than a farm animal

I'd like to give this shout out to one of our known 3 loyal readers, the commenter formerly known as Break of Dawn. FYI: We know you read. But for the love of all that's sacred, please leave comments. THAT GOES FOR ALL Y'ALL!!! We don't care if it's insightful. We're going to make fun of you anyway. Basically, we like comments, we're suckers for them. Say something, BE HEARD. I'm done with this rant.

In response to Fu's question about the "tommy's tough nuts" reference, I have no idea what you're talking about. Tommy and his tough nuts was a joke from 5 years ago that involved, well, I'm not sure what it involved. But, I do know that it was said by my friend Mr. Duda a whole bunch for no reason over a 3 day period. It then grew into legendary status. I can only assume that the Detroit usage is some copied form of our joke.

I was watching a WPT event last Saturday and one of the competitors was Chris Moneymaker. I have no beef with Moneymaker himself, but it's his father I can't stand. His dad was also in attendance at this event. mmmmmmonIIIEEEEEEEEEEE [best cow voice] That's when the Saturday night light hit me. Breakfast epiphany's? Wow, that's just terrible, get the dancers back out here. Anyway, I knew why I hated Moneymaker's dad so much. He looks just like the Noah Cross character from Chinatown.

"Left: Incestual poker fan/Horse ....... Right: Laker's Fan/Gauze Pad"

I wish I could have found a picture of Money's dad to compare, but trust me, they're the same person. I knew I had a good reason to be frightened of him besides the grazing noises. At least I now know, there was.

It's 50/50 that I'll be able to do an SOC on the Daytona. I hope I can. Also, if anyone watched sportscenter the other night, they saw that hard liquor companies are now sponsoring cars. Apparently this proof factor is a huge debate. Here's the two main reasons. Here's why I love the south.

Reason 1: It promotes drunk driving
Okay, YEAH, has sponsored cars since the mid-70s. Doesn't beer contain the same alcohol that gets one drunk? Yeah, I thought so. The hard liquor sponsors are even required to place a "drink safe" message on the cars they sponsor. Beer companies are not required. Also, I know people that go to NASCAR events. Basically, everyone gets drunk at the track and drives home. Good thing they promote the DD program. My head just exploded.

Reason 2: It's against NASCAR's "family value" image
I'm not making that up. That's what they claim. Everyone at these events is drunk and taking pictures of semi-nude "girls". Somehow a Jack Daniel's car is the devil and Budweiser car is an angelic messenger from God. In fact, a member of the pit crew for the newly painted Jim Beam car actually quit the team because it's against his Christian beliefs. Let's think about this for a second. I'm not even going to say anymore. Just think about that.

I really wanted to end with Mr. "I'm too holy to support Jim Beam, but Miller Light and Cigarettes are just what Jesus wanted me to consume", but there's breaking news. Hockey is apparently back. Let me tell you who couldn't be happier...this guy. Why?? It's not that I love hockey. It's a 28 game season!!! That means exactly anything could happen. One really good week and you're in the playoffs. Fear the Blue Jackets. I'm Gittes (I needed another Chinatown reference). If this all comes to be, I'll honestly watch every game. It's just too much fun.


So, Oregon State University is forcing Riverside high school in suburban Cleveland to stop using their "Beavers" logo. "Under federal trademark law, if universities don't actively police (these kinds of things), they can lose their trademark. We're in a position where we have to protect it or risk losing it," university news Service Director Mark Floyd said. You know, that’s fine; I can understand why they wouldn’t want every high school in America with the nickname "Beavers" (because we all know there are just assloads of them, right?) to be stealing their logo without permission. But Riverside asked for permission, and even offered to pay a fee for a license to use the logo. Both requests were turned down. You know, you can license your damn logo out without losing the trademark, dipshit. Now you just look like an asshole. Fuck you, Mark Floyd.

Speaking of total assholes, I am hoping that this will be the first and last reference on this blog to the NHL’s labor dispute. I can’t say anything about this that hasn’t already been said, except that I don’t see how the hell Goodenow can survive this mess. His entire sticking point for months is that the players refuse to have a salary cap, and then at the last minute he just gives it up? And they don’t have enough time to agree on a feasible cap number? If I’m a player, I’m sitting here going "If we were gonna cave on the cap issue, why the fuck didn’t we do it, I don’t know, THREE OR FOUR MONTHS AGO?!?" Well, the bottom line is, it’s probably better that they cancel the season. The economic structure of that league is broken and I happen to agree with the owners’ position that any remedy other than the one they wanted would only be a band-aid on a friggin’ compound fracture. Take some time off, and figure out how to work this think right. Or we’ll be playing Taps for the NHL in a few months. And ... no one cares. Figure it out and do something. You assholes.

Oh, and on the subject of NASCAR: shut up.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Trust me, I never forget about baseball tonight

I just read nips response for his list, and no, I did not forget about Baseball tonight. I couldn't agree more with nips that Baseball tonight is the best in studio sports show on television. However, none of their guys made my top 5. I think this is party to do with baseball tonight having the best situation. There's 10-12 games every single stinking night. They have tons of highlights and material for each show. Constant updates and never forget those web gems. It takes in added fun with fantasy baseball being far and away the best fantasy sport.

Now I love Peter Gammons, but let's face it, he's boring. He knows his shit, gets more leads than anyone, but he's not entertaining unless he's in a commercial. Harold Reynolds is more fun, but he never, NEVER takes a controversial stance. He thinks every player that's ever played should be in the HOF. You'd think he'd disagree with somebody on something, but he never does.

Hopefully you have checked out the link I put up the other day about my alma mater. In case you didn't, I'll sum it up for you. The football coach at my former high school was arrested for molesting an 11 year old girl. It takes in added fun when the rumor is that it's his daughter that had the deed done to her. It's either horrible or resourceful depending your stance on incestual, pre-teen rape. [If only R. Kelly were a redneck] The main issue here is the legacy of these events at my school. Let me give you a list of my basketball coaches. All of this happened either during or just before them coaching me. Remember, these were MY coaches and it's all 100% true.

Varsity Coach: Started as the girls varsity coach and was caught in the shower with one of his players. It was a sexitime explosive situation for all. He was married at the time. He ended up divorcing his wife and marrying his player. Instead of firing him, they made him the varsity boys coach, which is essentially a promotion.

Junior Varsity Coach: While as a student, he was messing around with the above coach's wife before they got divorsed. After they got divorced because of the varsity coach's new-d, wet friend, he ended up marrying her. Also, he was the best man at the varsity coach's wedding to his former player. Keep in mind, this coach is now married to his ex-wife.

8th Grade Coach: He was arrested for fondling and molesting a child for events that occurred during the year he was my coach. The best part is it was a little boy that got touchy feely. Also, he was mentoring him in the big brothers/big sisters program. Therefore, it was kinda like an escort service for NAMBLA. And what kind of boy gets molested by a fat, hairy, junior high basketball coach? A lucky boy.

7th Grade Coach: Once wore a orange belt as a tie and snapped it off using his hand and neck after a game. It's the most pissed off I've ever seen anyone in my life. Granted, there's no perversion, but he did "snap it off using his hand and neck" and I think that counts for something.

None of these stories are made up or embellished at all. So, the football rapist coach just kinda fits in with the rest of them. Maybe they'll make him AD.

I Hate You

NASCAR sucks. You suck. Go ahead and do an S.O.C. on the friggin' Daytona. You'll just drive our one reader away. While NASCAR is great for hillbillies and for watching things like this and this, it's not great for the normal person, one with an attention span of more than 30 seconds, 2 hits of chewin' tobaccy, or 3 or 4 left turns. NASCAR sucks. You suck. And I hate you.

As for your Segway Sam about studio anal-cysts, I just have to say that Barry Melrose is lame. LAME! Although his classic mullet is certainly quite tasty. Mmm. I'll have some of that with a side of Merton Hanks's neck. The two together form an unstoppable combination!

Okay, onto my list of five:

5.) Charles Barkley - NBA
The Chuckster is funny and makes fun of people and doesn't care who he offends and yeah yeah yeah. The problem is he brings little or no actual analysis to the table. That's why I think he should just get his own talk show, where he just brings up guests and makes fun of them. We could call it "Ground Chuck" or "The Round Mound Hour" or "I May Have Never Won a Title, But I'll Throw You Through a Glass Window if You Piss Me Off." A ratings winner if I've ever seen one. You telling me people would watch "Tilt" instead of that?

(Sidenote - "Tilt" may have won me over. Trust me, I'm as startled by this revelation as you are. I'm actually moderately looking forward to this week's episode. We'll see where this takes us.)

4.) Steve Young - NFL
Tom Jackson's too buddy-buddy with players for my taste. Plus, yes, he laughs at Berman. At least Young has the good sense to sit there half the time with a "you have got to be kidding me" look on his face while Berman, Jackson, and Irvin cackle on about God knows what. Plus I love that Young just has an air about everything he says, like there's a definite sense of "I know my shit" lurking just beneath the surface. Because he does. Know his shit, I mean.

3.) Clark Kellogg - NCAA Basketball
Fantastic studio man. Yes, it's extremely annoying that he never looks at the camera, and there are times when I'd promise to sell my firstborn for a chance to take that fucking pen out of his hand. But the guy's basketball analysis is top-notch. His work is unparalleled. Except by two other guys.

2.) Chris Fowler - NCAA Football
HE'S THIRSTY!!! And he's the sports telecast equivalent of a circus ringleader. He deftly handles everything that comes up, as Corso puts bizarre hats on, Herby throws chips at people, and Rocket Ismail uses the phrase "Know what I'm sayin'" approximately 3.2 times per sentence. And he keeps everything under control. The calm center. The glue. I love him.

1.) Jay Bilas - NCAA Basketball
Yes and yes. The guy knows his shit, and he's articulate enough to explain it so that people who know less about basketball understand what he's saying, yet basketball die-hards don't feel talked down to. His insight is unmatched. Even his stupid gimmicks (like "The Book On" ... do they still do that?) work. Basically, if Jay Bilas is on my T.V., I'm gonna shut up and listen to what he's saying. And chances are, I'm gonna learn something. Or at least say "Yes, that's right," because Jay Bilas agrees with me. Because I'm always right.

On the flip-side: Holy shit, is Rick Majerus brutal as a color man during games. Watching that Kentucky game last night was painful, as Nessler tried to walk Majerus through the basics of in-game discussion. Yowsa.

And do NOT discount that '97 Arizona team. They became the first team in NCAA history to beat 3 1-seeds in the tournament, as they took out #1 all year Kansas (led by Jacque Vaughn, Jared Haase, Paul Pierce, Raef LaFrentz, and Scot Pollard), North Carolina (with Ed Cota, Shammond Williams, Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, Serge Zwikker, and Ademola Okulaja), and then Kentucky (Ron Mercer, Scott Padgett, Jamaal Magloire, Nazi Mohammed, and Derek Anderson). They were a very VERY good team. Very good. A.J. Bramlett. Bennett Davison. I don't know why I know these things.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

The February dark ages

Football is officially over, hockey may never come back, baseball isn't ready to go yet, it's still a month from the tourney, and the NBA, is well, the NBA. All of these statements mean we've reached the dark age of the sports calendar. There's very little going on and the buildup for March 17th and the tip off the ncaa tourney is like the excitement of sean on a fat girl. However, there is one event to divert our attention: The Daytona 500!!! It's the super bowl of racing people. Dale Jarrett has the pole and my boy Jeff Gordon gets inside position on row 2. What does all of this mean?? Other than Fu threatening to "drive to my house and shoot me with a gun" if I made a NASCAR post, it means it's the Great American Race and we should all pay more attention.

Rainbow Connection
Gordon would have more fans if he brought back the stache and skoal patch.

Don't you even try and tell me that 100 million rednecks are wrong and aren't important. They elected a president!! If that many hillibillies are wrong, I don't wanna know what right is. Nonetheless, I'll be bringing you fine readers more Nascar coverage as the week continues. Also, I'm considering doing an SOC on the race. Who's ready for some left turn action?!?! I would also suggest that everyone else watch this pure americana event in an attempt to feel more patriotic, drunk, and toothless. I know that I'll be planted square in front, cheering on my rainbow warriors to circular victory. Time for a pit stop...

Shifting gears (segway): I'm also gonna bring up a new list for discussion so that Fu won't cry that much. Studio personalities are an often overlooked part of the sports scene. I wanna rate the best and worst of them. Here's the criteria:
- It can be any sport
- If they also do game announcing, that doesn't count, only their in studio work.
- That's it

Staring at number five and working down, here we go!!

5) Barry Melrose - Hockey (ESPN)
I know that hockey is gone and may never be coming back, but I really enjoy Melrose's work. He's having fun, he seems to know his stuff, and it's a great org-n-i-za-tion. He gets massive bonus points for his sweet mullet.

4) Charles Barkley - NBA (TNT)
He never stops making fun of people. The NBA is full of moronic characters and somehow Chuck is the only one willing to call them out. If you do something stupid, he'll point it out. He also brings a different viewpoint the the table that no one else has. If you wanna be entertained, he's your guy.

3) Tom Jackson - NFL Countdown (ESPN)
Uniform colored suits aside, he's fantastic. He really knows his stuff to breakdown film and give solid insights about the player perspective of the game. There's a whole bunch of former players doing this type of job, and he's the only one that's any good (maybe Steve Young). Well spoken, well calculated responses, and he also laughs at all of Berman's jokes.

2) Chris Fowler - Gameday (ESPN)
He is, without question, the greatest studio host of all-time, in the history of the world. A perfect blend of interjection and let corso rant. A synergy of mind and body. Always flawless reasoning and rationale. I love him, and I want to get him some water.

1) Jay Bilas - NCAA Basketball (ESPN)
The best knowledge of the game of anyone I've ever seen in a studio. It helps that it's the game I understand the best as well so I can really get an appreciation for what he's doing. But he'll show you how the flex cut worked. He'll give you a taste of how to beat a zone. His insight in unmatched in basketball. I feel bad for the other people in the studio with him. He's so superior to their ability, they should just cry. You eat like this Steve Jarvis!!!

I'll save my, "oh my god, why are they tv?" for the next post.

Closing thoughts.
-The 2004 election could have been halo style: red vs. blue.
-I watched Arizona/Providence on classic sports from the 1997 tourney. How did Arizona win that tourney?? They had no post presence. Also, any team with God Shamgod and Austin Croshere should have won. Croshere had a jerri curl, I swear.
-If you're ever heading east out of Findlay, Ohio on US 224, keep your eyes peeled. There's a automotive store named the "Servex Center". [insert joke here]


Saturday, February 12, 2005

Saturday! / On the Blog!

This whole "The Patriots take pay cuts to be on a great team" bullshit is yet another media creation. The only one who actually did that was Bruschi. Don't forget that Lawyer Milloy took off to get more money, and that Ty Law will likely do the same this offseason. Also don't forget that the Patriots stole Corey Dillon and Rodney Harrison for pennies on the dollar because those guys didn't like playing for losers, and decided that it'd be easier to join up with the biggest bully in the playground than to make their own teams play up to that level.

And fuck Ryan Sidney. His senior year he was fun, when he was, indeed, a 6'2" power forward with his jaw wired shut. But I'm talking about those couple of years before that, when he and Bell were in the backcourt of The Most Overrated Team in America Other Than LSU and St. Joseph's (Marvin O'Connor St. Joe's, not Jameer Nelson St. Joe's), as they teamed up with Jonathan Beerbong to form the worst tournament 3-seed since B.J. McKie was guiding South Carolina to a loss against Coppin Friggin' State. No wait, SC was a 2-seed that year. Bah, they were still terrible. You get the point.

Speaking of college hoops, at the moment, Luther Head is single-handedly beating Wisconsin. The Steenking Badgers keep hanging around, and I'm not really sure how, but Head is everywhere in this game. Oh my God, I can't believe I just said that! Tee-hee! Anywho, Todd and I have agreed that Illinois will not be beaten unless they just don't show up for a game. If they want to win, they're going to. Exhibit A is when they absotively throttled Wake in December. Exhibit B is last week's game against Michigan. Michigan did everything they had to do to win that game, and at about the 11:00 mark of the second half, Illinois just decided they were going to win the game, and went on like a 12-0 run and then the game, for all intents and purposes, was over. Adios. This year's tourney is theirs to lose. They're the best passing team, the smartest team, and one of the best-shooting teams.

(Did I just make them lose in the Sweet Sixteen? 'Cause if I did, I mean, I wouldn't really feel bad about that...)

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Pat yourself on the back

Ok, I see your point about the patriots being a winning team in an age a mediocrity. I'm willing to concede that's probably true. The reason it's impressive is that the team is willing to stay together. The salary cap means these players could individually get paid more to go elsewhere, but instead they take a paycut to remain champions. Personally, it should be an easy decision, get paid 3 million to be a winner or 5 million to be on a 5-11 team. However, that latter of the two choices is the one that usually wins out in the sports world. The patriots have managed to put together a group of guys without much ego. Maybe it's the GM that should be commended.

So the media likes to have a team that's a "dynasty"? I'd have to agree with you in principle, but only because I think the media like to have an easy job. It seems they just wanna rehash the same old shit and stop looking for fresh stories. It's just easier for them, the lazy bastards. If there's a dynasty, then they know where to do the story. It's the same reason Clarett won't go away. It's the same reason last night on sportscenter I saw a segment on Jordan. Isn't there something else we could hear about besides Jordan?!?!

In regards to Boston College, I can't believe that was their first televised non-regional game. It's just absurd. I'll tell you why they haven't been telecast: star power and casual fan. They don't have any stars and no interest to the casual fan. There aren't that many who love a mean flex cut or flash to the high post. (Which is criminal by the way.) I couldn't even name one player off of their team. Also, I don't care what you say about T-Bell and Sidney. Those guys were great. Troy Bell was the most protected college player this side of TJ Ford, and Ryan Sidnay was a 6-2 power forward with his mouth wired shut!!! What a fun team. If only you could throw some Billy Curly in the mix. Sign me up!!

Cleverly-titled Response

So Dids apparently thinks that because it's the salary cap era, that makes winning three titles in four years and being labled a "dynasty" by the media somehow more impressive? Somehow being "very good" when everyone else is mediocre is "more impressive" than being "great" and beating "very good" teams? Not sure I see the logic there, chief.

You acknowledge that the fact that the one year they didn't win it, they didn't even make the playoffs might be one dent in their armor. I would argue to also look at what else has happened in the years of, and immediately surrounding, their 3 titles. Those three Super Bowls are squeezed around the two worst Super Bowls probably of all time. Terrible matchups featuring mediocre teams. And who are the Patriots beating, exactly? They "upset" a Rams team that barely beat a Philly team much weaker than this year's version; a Rams team that imploded into total mediocrity the very next season. Then they missed the playoffs entirely, and then they won by three against a Panthers team that went 7-9 both the year before AND the year after they went to the Super Bowl. Then they won by 3, again, against an Eagles team that most people agreed was severely flawed in places AND was playing with their best player at possibly 80%.

And in those three 3-point wins, Dids, you are correct that it took A.) Mike Martz stubbornly refusing to use Marshall Faulk, B.) John Kasay botching the kickoff out of bounds after the Panthers tied the game, and C.) a wheezing, puking McNabb having to throw to a wide receiver with pins and screws in his ankle, in order for them to win each game by 3. I would never say that the Patriots are "lucky," but they have an astounding streak going of having extraordinarily good fortune, and having few-to-no breaks go against them.

And don't give me any of this "they don't have any stars" bullshit. Tom Brady is Jesus at this point, and Bill Belichick is a bizarre amalgam of God, Moses, and Ben Stein. Tedy Bruschi is all over SportsCenter, as are Mike Vrabel, Rodney Harrison, and Willie McGinest. Corey Dillon is one of the best running backs in football. I agree that it's refreshing that they have no players running their mouths off week after week, but is that really a reason for annointing this team as fantastic, or for pulling out the bullshit "Hey, they're a TEAM, not individuals" sentiment? Just because Troy Aikman was having sex with men and Michael Irvin was trying to snort the 40-yd line doesn't mean the Cowboys were any less of a "team."

So what's the common denominator? Why is this team being celebrated like this? Becuase that's what the media wants. For some reason, the media loves to see one team winning all the time. They used to hide behind the bullshit assertion that they "like to see greatness," but I serioously doubt that is actually what we're seeing here in New England. Yes, they're better than everyone else right now. That's like saying "I'm one of the smartest men of all time because I'm the least-retarded retard in this room right now." Bullshit.

As for Boston College, I loathed them in the dreaded Troy Bell/Ryan Sidney days. But now I'm on board. They are, year-in and year-out, the most underrated program in college sports. Did you know that their game against Notre Dame the other night was their first non-regionally televised game of the season? 20-0 and they hadn't even been on national television yet. I tuned in hoping to see if they were still almost exclusively running the flex, because if they were, they would have become my new favorite team in the history of everything, ever. Sadly, Notre Dame zoned them up all game. But I was still delighted to see the ball being swung around the perimeter while big men constantly flashed to the high post. Good times.

Okay, I have class. Nips, where's your review of the T&T? I'm giddy waiting to hear!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Belichick yourself, before you wreck yo-self.

One thing is certain, the media has crowned the pats a dynasty and there's very little debate about it. I suppose it's because they've done what's considered the NFL standard for this elusive title: 3 Superbowls with a single core of players. Each decade has had one: packers, steelers, 49ers, cowboys, and now the pats. The pats have done it with three in four years, and I agree, it's more impressive due to the salary cap era. What makes it so impressive? Why is jack so uneasy about it? Why haven't I made a point yet?

There's a couple reasons to be uneasy about this whole "dynasty" talk.
1) While efficient, they've never been dominate. Ok, so the huge winning streak was nice, and yeah, they haven't lost a playoff game in their last nine tries. Wait a second, I guess you'd have to say that is dominate. Nevermind all that then. I will also say it's interesting that they've won 3 of the last 4 but didn't make the playoffs in the year they failed to win it all. I'd have to say that's one richard dent in the armor.

2) Star power
As much as we all hate to admit it, we are suckers for star power. I think the patriots doing it with zero star power and all on the team concept is fantastic. In this day and age of looking for dirt on championship teams, nothing bad can be said about the pats. A bunch of good guys doing it the right way. It's just weird how when you think of great sports teams, one tends to think of players first. It's interesting that the heyday of dynasty's would be the 80's and 90's and we apparently forgot to check what kind of people we were cheering for. Magic gettin' it done with 30 STD invested sluts in the hot tub, baseball was busy sticking needles in each other's butts in bathroom stalls, and Jordan was off betting on basketball. Even in football, Mr. Irvin snorted enough crack to kill livestock. Now, when a team does it as a team, you question their dynastytude? I say shame on you Fu, tisk tisk.

3) Three superbowls by a field goal each?
It took Martz the retard, a lucky break to beat an inferior panthers team, and a sickly, black McNabb to win these superbowls. Note - the media loves this team. However, when a team beats a heavy favorite for a title, then looks just as impressive the next year, they are still written off as a fluke team that got lucky. Note - the media hates ohio state football. I find this idea frustrating. Pats all team no stars, which is the same as the 2002-2003 buckeye football team. Yet one team is considered a dynasty and the other a lucky joke. I decided to tangent there, you eat like this!!!

My viewpoint is this: I don't like to denote teams as "dynasty" this and that. I'm just impressed with how the pats just keep winning and doing it the right way with a team concept. It's incredible to watch. It's more bizarre how the media just arbitrarily decides which teams are "good" and which are "lucky". Who decides this stuff?

Extra points
-I think TO's performance in the superbowl should go down as one of the top 3 moments in sports. In fact, it would be right up there with willis reed if the eagles had won. It's a shame it won't be remembered that way.
-Jack was exactly right about the media calling TO selfish, but if it was Favre they would have masturbated on his heroism. Maybe they're too busy felating him to realize their hypocrisy.
-Is there a more underrated college sports franchise than boston college? They are solid to good every year in football and basketball. Somehow they're always written off and never predicted to do anything. Even when they do something special, such as 20-0, they can't even get past number 4 in the polls? Insane. The problem is, the same people who write what team they decided is good are the same people who vote. Just so they can say, "see, I told you North Carolina is better than BC. Just look at the polls!!" Arg. [crap] I think BC should get more pub, and it's a shame they don't.

Three Days Later - Thoughts on the Super Bowl

*Okay, so apparently Donovan McNabb was sick during the Eagles' inexplicable 4-minute drill when they were down by two scores late in the game. So sick, in fact, that Freddie Mitchell actually had to call one of the plays in the huddle, because McNabb was too busy puking. Yum. So my question is ... how the hell did we not find out about this until yesterday? What the hell was the FOX production team doing? We have cameramen and sound guys up and down the sidelines, cameras floating over the goddamn field on wires, a fucking PYLON CAM?!? Come on, FOX. That's a pretty important piece of information, you know, considering that one of football's star QBs was vomiting on the field amid the most bizarre 6 minutes of Super Bowl play since Trent Dilfer was leading 70-yd drives against the Giants. Plus, I mean, we could have heard Joe Buck flipping out and going "Aw, aw, we are SORRY we had to POLLUTE THE AIRWAVES with that display!"

*Okay, I enjoy former Buckeyes scoring TDs in Super Bowls as much as the next guy, but honestly, how pissed would you be if you were a Patriots TE? How angry must Christian Fauria be, sitting on the sideline like "Oh thanks, coach. You can put me on the Hands Team for kickoffs, but when we have the ball on the goal line you have to put a FUCKING LINEBACKER IN FOR ME?"

*All right, can someone answer me this? When the fuck was the last time a New England Patriots receiver dropped a pass? December? September? Fucking EVER? Yeah, Tom Brady is a very good QB, and he's poised, and blah blah looks-off-receivers blah. But those guys catch everything.

*Out of all the bitching that's going on about how Philly handled the end of the game, why the hell isn't anyone asking why the fuck the Eagles onside-kicked after they pulled within 3 with 1:50 left? They had 2 timeouts, all they had to do was hold the Patriots to a 3-and-out (which they did), and they end up getting the ball back with 35 seconds left at about their own 35 or 40, not their own 4. Isn't that a much better situation to be in when you need to kick a game-tying field goal? I can't have been the only one who was screaming at the TV when that happened, could I?

*As for the talk about the Patriots now being a "dynasty," I mean ... maybe. Maybe. Everyone seems to be saying it. So why doesn't it feel like it, then? I mean, we've come to associate dynasties with greatness, right? I find it very difficult to call the Patriots an unqualified great team, at least, in the context of the annals of NFL history. What they are is effeicient. The Patriots are more efficient than everyone else in this day and age of the NFL. But have we reached a point where we're gonna label a consistent and supremely-efficient team as an all-time great one? As J.A. Adande said, the Patriots are the one consistent, straight-sailing ship in a sea of mediocrity. Does that make them a "dyansty"? I don't know, but I certainly don't think the issue is as big of a cut-and-dried "yes" as everyone else seems to...

Monday, February 07, 2005

Was that the SUPER Bowl?

And on the 7th day, we rested. Another superbowl sunday has come and gone, and the country's most unofficial of holidays has ended. Does anyone else notice how we all just take the day off? It's not just a game, it's an event. Seven hours of pregame, a whole week of media coverage, and everyone gets an excuse card for the day. It's very strange how it's allowed. I'm not complaining, but it's quite an anomaly.

Question: You gonna get that surgery done today?
Answer: What?!? The superbowl is today are you crazy?
Response: Oh yeah, you're right, the heart transplant can wait and my kidney is barely bleeding. Let's eat nachos.

Above: American Idle

What's the point of all this you ask? Well, I think someone forgot to tell McNabb he didn't get the day off. It has to go down as one of the most weird, and the most boring 3 point superbowl in history. McNabb managed to throw for 350 yards and 3 TD and look terrible all at once. The Eagles owned the entire first half. Controlled the ball and field position. Yet each time they would get close McNabb would make terrible decisions and worse throws. Down 10, he throws a pick and just mouths, "my bad" with a smile. He couldn't have been less concerned. Then getting the ball back and time a factor, he quickly...leads his the huddle!! I moved with more urgency with a fifth of old dan tucker in me. Despite all this, he still had a chance to lead the most amazing drive in nfl history with 46 seconds left. And he...throws it right into his line for a 0 yard gain and effectively ended the game. WHAT?!?!? Honestly, it was a perfect ending to a bizarre game. The Eagles were all playing hard except for their QB. The way I see it there's 3 options for what McNabb was doing.

1) While driving and the score 24-14, according to my viewing partner Haq, "Does he think they're only down 7?" I would say this is possible. He acted like he was playing for the tie and then playing in a tie game after they scored. He seemed occupied with more important thing like chunky soup.

2) He turned into a black qb. Terrible decision making and poor leadership. I love McNabb too much to think he could turn black and get spooked that easily. (That works on exactly 2 levels)

3) I know I say it a lot, but HE HAD MONEY ON THE GAME!!! Think about it. He wanted to beat the spread, but lose the game to maximize his winnings. He had several chances to go up by more the 7 or even play with urgency. Yet he didn't. Each time the eagles needed a big play to keep it close, he provided. Each time they needed a score to possibly win, he threw a pick. Examples: The lob pass in the first half, the terrible overthrow to teddy b, and the horrendous final "drive".

"Hey Tom, I made that look convincing didn't I? You got that check for me? ...good... Also, I hear you have a new favorite receiver."

Honestly there should be an investigation. Get a committee please, something. While they're at it, figure out why the commercials sucked too. Maybe I'm just being to hard on him. Aren't we all entitled to a bad day? Aren't we all allowed to be black from time to time? I'll say on the most un-super of sundays McNabb was black because he stole my (and the nation's) most sacred of sports holidays. I'll never get it back, and not even the excuse of superbowl sunday will be allowed for this travesty of sport.

Knee-Jerk Thoughts After the Super Bowl

Okay, I loathe Terrell Owens, but you have to give him a ton of respect for the way he played last night. Like him or not, nine catches for 122 yards is a good day for anybody, let alone a guy with pins and screws in his ankle, a guy who the team doctor said shouldn't be playing. That was a ballsy performance by him, and any pub he gets for that performance is entirely deserved. (Side note: I still can't wrap my head around the media saying during Hype Week that he was "selfish" for trying to play on that bum ankle. If that had been Brett Favre, they would have all been masturbating. But it was T.O., so they had to come up with some way to make it seem evil. Jesus Christ.)

I can't believe the Eagles kept it as close as they did (and actually kind of dominated at times early) with how bad McNabb was playing. He looked off all game, with several bad INTs, and even more cases of overthrowing, underthrowing, and throwing behind guys ... if he had led Pinkston properly on that long pass in the 2nd quarter, it would have been a TD. He had inside position AND two steps on the DB. Instead, Pinkston had to make a fantastic play just to catch the ball. Then you add in the ridiculous huddling-up when they were down by 2 scores ... man, he was shaky. I can't imagine what might have happened if McNabb had played like he did 2 and 3 weeks ago.

Speaking of Pinkston ... "cramps" happen to athletes all the time. But the fact that it was Pinkston who had to leave the game because of them ... well THAT was funny. Get that man some Midol!

A lot of people seem to think that Rodney Harrison should have been the MVP, but I say any time a player on the winning team ties a Super Bowl record (Branch with 11 catches), he should get the honor unless there's an extremely good reason not to give it to him.

Detroit is already bracing itself for the enormous bashing it's going to take from the asshole media next year. If these people were bitching this bad about friggin' Jacksonville, who knows what the hell they'll say next year. You people are at the SUPER BOWL, for Christ's sake. You're taking a glorified week-long vacation. Quit acting like the weather and the fact that there may not be enough cabs is the end of the friggin' world...

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Super Bowl Scuffle: a point-counterpoint discussion between Jack Fu and himself

Dids and I agreed earlier in the week that, due to general media saturation and the fact that there was a two-week break before this year's game, there was really nothing left to discuss about this year's Super Bowl. Still, to a certain extent, we here at pride ourselves on our half-assed predictions and analyses, so we felt we'd be remiss if we didn't provide both of our loyal readers with some of our thoughts, fears, obervations, and irrelevant personal asides regarding this, the most Super of Bowls.

Since my thoughts about this game feature an interesting if pathetic dichotomy between my rooting interests and what I think will actually happen, this prediction is split. In two. Just like I am. Why do you care? I honestly have no idea...

Heart: Even in the most team-oriented of sports, it helps tremendously if your side has the best player on the field. In this matchup, totally objectively, Philly probably has the TWO best players, in Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens. It's true that Owens is hobbled, but just his presence on the field completely changes the game, as the Patriots have to account for him at all times, often with more than one defender, causing guys like Freddie Mitchell, Greg Lewis, and Michael Westbrook to be left in single coverage.

Head: Come on. Is there any way that Owens is 100%? And if he isn't, then there's really no need to have to account for him with extra people. Belichick and Crennel aren't retards, you know. In case you haven't been paying attention, Bill Belichick is the third coming of Jesus. (And Tom Brady is better than Joe Montana. Honestly, haven't you been paying attention?) They're gonna jam Owens at the line and see how well he moves and cuts. Within 2 or 3 series, they'll know what they're dealing with, and they'll adjust accordingly.

Heart: Yeah, but how do you adjust for McNabb, quite possibly the perfect offensive weapon in football? He's on another level right now: his reads are impeccable, and he can buy even his mediocre receivers time to get open by shifting around in, or even escaping, the pocket. And he can run, even though he doesn't really like to.

Head: Dude, Belichick ALWAYS finds a way. They'll be ready for McNabb. The hallmark of these Patriots teams has been that they take away your best offensive option - you can bet they've been concentrating all week on how to minimize McNabb's effectiveness. And Brian Westbrook can beat Minnesota's and Atlanta's defenses, but what can he do against the Patriots, honestly? And we haven't even discussed the Patriots offense vs. the Eagles defense. The way the Patriots have played offense this year, you can basically pencil them in for 24 points right now, without even factoring in any turnovers from Philly.

Heart: Yeah, but that's another McNabb excels at: he rarely turns the ball over. 31 TDs to 8 INTs, and he and Brady are the only QBs in this year's playoffs who haven't thrown an interception. That's no coincidence.

Head: Still, McNabb has to find some way to manufacture at least 24 points just for the Eagles to have a fighting chance in this game, because with Brady playing the way he is and Corey Dillon playing the way he is, the Patriots are gonna drop 24 on Philly without breaking a sweat. And conventional wisdom about Philly's defense says you can run on them, so Corey Dillon could have a huge game.

Heart: But the conventional wisdom this year has been wrong often, and the Eagles aren't as easy to run on as many think. Atlanta was one of the best rushing teams in the NFL this year, and Philly held them to 114 yds on the ground. But Dillon IS the key here, I think: if he gets 90 or more yards in this game, I think the Patriots win. If Philly can hold him to the 60-70 yd range, they've got a shot.

Head: But they still have to worry about Brady. He's poised to win his 3rd Super Bowl in 4 years, for crying out loud. And say what you want about his receivers, but the guys make plays.

Heart: If anybody's got the secondary to frustrate Brady and his receivers, it's the Eagles. Three Pro-Bowlers man their secondary (Lito Sheppard, Brian Dawkins, and Michael Lewis), and some say CB Sheldon Brown could have earned a spot as well. If they can cover New England's recievers well enough to allow Johnson and Reid to unload some pressure on Brady, things could get interesting.

Head: Dude, your posts sound like they use a lot of "if"s. Plus, you sound you're rationalizing.

Heart: Fuck you, so do you.

Head: Do you honestly think that this Eagles team, with T.O. banged up and Chad Lewis out, is going to outlast a team that rolled through the AFC playoffs, throttling Indy AND Pittsburgh?

Heart: I ... I just ... ... Fuck you. And fuck Boston. I'm tired of those bitches.

Head: Yeah, that's what I thought.

Head says: Patriots 30, Eagles 16
Bitter, resentful Heart says: Eagles 24, Patriots 23

Saturday, February 05, 2005

The MWB: a Galleria of Pornstaches

You know, Dids, when I said "last great athlete with a pornstache" in regard to Jeff Hostetler, I wasn't being, you know, literal. The American sports landscape still sports a few classic pornstaches. I mean, there are former MVPs...

... perenially-underachieving coaches...

... somewhat better coaches...

... and, of course, who could forget this doozy:

So, my point is, the pornstache is alive and well, and not just on little (or big) douches from Pig's Knuckle Academy in What-the-Fuck, North Dakota. Although he IS cultivating a juicy one. The thing I like best about it is, you can totally tell that it's baby hair, and that the kid has never shaved a day in his life. Is it wrong to make fun of the kid about that? Maybe so, but if it is, then I really don't want to be right...

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Return of the Stache. Yes it is. So listen carefully. While I sing my comeback song.

For those of you concerned that the ath-eh-lete pornstache is a dying breed, I bring you great news. It's in great shape for the future. If anyone else watched the high school basketball game on espn tonight, they'll agree. Introducing the center for the Arlington Country Day....Jason Bennett!!!! [crowd cheers]

Not only is it a fantastic stache, he is, without question, the love child of Andrew Declercq and Nick Smith. I've never been more happy to have a blog. He's only a junior, SO look out ladies productions will have plenty of time to work on his "game" and be ready for a recruiting battle for his "services". I'm giddy. Hopefully more pictures of this fantastic stache (fan-stache-stic?) (fan-tas-stache?) emerge. I was gonna discuss other things, but Mr. Bennett has blown my mind.

Also, for you loyal 4 readers, be sure to check out our links section on the right sidebar. There will be additions and changes occasionally. Why? Because we at midwestbias love you.

Act like you know, Chico / I know what Bo don't know...

The thing is, Diddy Mao, Ini Kamoze never really went away. He burst onto the scene in 1983, and has been providing us with high-quality entertainment ever since. Hmm, the site says "there are no tours"? Well, I wouldn't have thought that, what with Ini's successful singles "Here Comes the Hotstepper," and ... and ...

But back to the issue at hand. The 3 worst Super Bowls of the ESPN Era. The thing is, with a lot of the ones that were blowouts, the team that got blown out was really good and it's difficult to put them in the "worst" category, or the team that did the ... uh ... "blowing out," just put on a classic performance (examples: '90 49ers, '88 Redskins, '95 49ers, '85 Bears). So, it's best to go with the games where it was two teams that weren't interesting and they played a game that was uninteresting and it ended up being a blowout and nobody cared. Sadly, there were only 2 of these, and (hint hint) they both happened in the last five years. So I have to pick one of the blowouts as my 3rd-worst game. Let's see...

3.) Redskins 37, Bills 24 (1992)
The fact that this Super Bowl was immortalized in a classic "Simpsons" episode is the only even remotely-noteworthy thing about this game. This was the year Mark Rypien sold his soul to the devil and the 'Skins absolutely dominated the whole friggin' league. The entire playoffs were one enormous foregone conclusion, and I hated it. Yes, I've made it a rule that "Any time Mark Rypien is the Super Bowl MVP, it's best that you just ignore both that, AND the entire previous year leading up to it." Hence, that forces me to omit from my memory the Lions' lone playoff win of the Super Bowl era. Bollocks. That Ernest Byner was a helluva running back, though...

2.) Buccaneers 48, Raiders 21 (2003)
Boring, boring, boring. That was the first year I had Donovan McNabb on my fantasy team, and I really wanted him to get to the Super Bowl, for no real reason that I can think of. Then flippin' Chuckie decided to lead his 'mos into Philly and walk out with a blowout win, resulting in a Super Bowl that no one cared about, as much as the media tried to shove the "Chuckie v. Al Davis" angle down our throats. Bonus points get taken off because we watched the game with Cave's sister and her friends, who, when we decided to order 5 pizzas from Hound Dog's for $25, all clamored for different toppings. So, over my strenuous objections, we ended up getting 5 different 1-topping pizzas: cheese, pepperoni, olives, green peppers, and mushrooms. After my first plateful, consisting of 1 slice of pepperoni and 1 slice of cheese, I went to the bathroom. When I came back, everyone else had gotten seconds. I went to get my own, and the cheese pizza and the pepperoni pizza were both gone. The green pepper and mushroom pizzas each had 1 slice missing, and the olive pizza hadn't yet been touched. After fighting off the urge to strangle every person in the room, I calmly sat down on the couch and proceeded to watch the rest of an absolutely TERRIBLE Super Bowl. Everything sucked that day. I walked home to 55 Norwich worried that someone was going to kick me in the balls and steal all my money. Bad times.

1.) Ravens 34, Giants 7 (2001)
Ugh, this one was worse. Todd is absolutely correct: this is "the one that never happened." The Super Bowl champions for 2001 were a friggin' wild card team that, earlier in the season, set a record by going FIVE CONSECUTIVE GAMES without scoring a touchdown. Their starting wideouts were Qadry Ismail and Brandon Stokely. They spent almost half the season starting Tony Banks. And the Giants were WORSE than them! BY A LOT!!! How the hell did this happen? How did these two teams end up playing in the Super Bowl? What was everyone else doing? The utter and complete shittiness of this game can be summed up by a quick look at the record books:

Most Punts, Game
11 - N.Y. Giants v. Baltimore, Super Bowl XXXV
10 - Baltimore v. N.Y. Giants, Super Bowl XXXV
9 - Dallas v. Baltimore, Super Bowl V

Ugh. Make it Stop.


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Here comes the Hos-stet-ler!! I'm the lyrical gangsta!!

Who else misses Ini Kamose?? C'mon!!!

I have been racking my brain to think of some great pornstaches on atheletes since the previously mentioned Jeffy Hostetler. I really can't come up with much of anything. There's Jeff Fisher who has the greatest pornstache/mullet combo in sports history. I realize he's a coach so that's negative points. But then I remembered my friends at Nascar. The Jeff Gordon, I just got divorced, my wife doesn't love me, I don't care what any of these hillbillies think pornstache ranks right up there with some of the greatest. "3" also had a good one, but his was always there and just seemed appropriate. The stache on Gordon seemed so out of place and silly that it was perfect porn quality. He may have had the same one pre-rainbow warrior phase too, but no one noticed him until he started winning winston cups with rainbow coalition forces. Also, it's been way overdue for some Nascar on midwestbias.

Since Fu and I are pretty much in agreeance on the greatest superbowls, I'm starting a new list. But before I do, Mike Jones?? I still think it was London Fletcher. Mostly because I love that name. It just rolls off the tongue. I actually have two lists I want to do, but I think we'll keep with the NFL theme. Since the greatest ones were easy, let's do the 3 worst superbowls of the espn era. Could be a little harder, definitely more frustrating, and clearly lots of fun.

Coming in at number 3....
3) 1990: San Fran 55 Denver 10
While intertaining for niner's fans, the game was a total joke. It was never in doubt as the dynasty rolled over the stupid horses jumping out of Ds. Total yards in the game were 461-167. There weren't even that many turnovers. It was simply a mismatch and just terrible to watch. This game gets bonus points for me having to watch this game after this crappy ass bronco team beat Cleveland to get there. I'm still furious...moving on...quickly

2) 2003: Tampa Bay 48 Oakland 21
Just an absolutely gross, gross second half in this game. While "competitive?" in the first half, it was never intriguing. The game had no flow and 34 unanswered points by the bucs. It's "highlight" was the raiders having 2 first downs during a 9 possession stretch and 5 turnovers. I'd like to say it had the worst qb's in superbowl history. Gannon vs. Johnson managed not to be somehow. I wish I could say it was the worst. Everyone was so happy that tampa and gruden won, that they failed to realize how disgusting this game was. A game with 69 total points and the mvp was a safety. That's really all you need to know.

1) 2001: Ravens 34 Giants 7 - aka "The one that never happened"
Just no...don't make me discuss...please...arg. Dilfer!!! Collins!!! It's the superbowl? Coming off huge high of crushing the mighty Vikings, the Giants totally lay an egg gaining only 152 yards in the whole game. Their deepest pentration was to the Baltimore 29 and then threw a pick on the next play. The Giants only scored on a punt the third quarter... and that cut the lead to 10!!!...IN THE THIRD QUARTER!!! The winning team had 240 yards of offense. The winning quarterback threw under 50% and for 133 yards. Each team (that's both) had fewer first downs than the pats against the 85 bears. You better read that sentence again. Add in the fact they used to be the Browns and Ray Lewis was the mvp, and there's no doubt this game takes home number 1.

All right...I'm going to puke. Fu, do your worst.

May it be a Super (Mark) Duper Bowl

First off, Hi. No, I didn't get a haircut. This is just a new blog.

First, I'd like to say thank you for making this list cover only "ESPN Era" Super Bowls. I don't want to see any of that "Jets over Colts" bullshit. I support Jeff Merron's position that Joe Namath is the single most overrated ath-eh-lete of all time. He gets way too much credit for this admittedly monumental upset: he dinked and dunked a bunch of screen passes, Matt Snell ran his ass off, and Earl Morrall threw four interceptions. There you go. If Namath hadn't played in New York, people would care 77.45 percent less about him than they do now. No, that's not technically "accurate," Mother.

Oh, and nice list there, Dids. You "expect controversy"? In the "ESPN Era," 3 out of every 4 Super Bowls have legitimately sucked ass. What the hell other game would even make the list? The only one that could conceivably be on there is the Rams-Patriots game. And for being as enormous an upset as it was, that game was boring. So I'm gonna stick with your 5. I'll see if I want to re-order them...

5.) 49ers 20, Bengals 16 (1989)
Since I wasn't particularly aware of football at that point in my life, I simply can't fathom how a team led by Boomer Esiason and Icky Woods apparently came within one epic 92-yd, Montana-led drive of knocking off THE NFL dynasty while it was still in its prime. Whatever. To be honest, the fact that it involved the Bungles probably DID lead to it being a little less-remembered than many other Super Bowls.
Signature Moment is undoubtedly the game-winning pass to John Taylor. And great mention of the end-zone view of it that you always see on NFL Films and shit.
Goofy stat of the game: Out of the 4 Super Bowls the 49ers won in the 80s, this was the only time Joe Montana wasn't the game's MVP, despite the fact that out of those 4 Super Bowls, the game-winning drive in this one is probably, probably what Montana is best-remembered for. The MVP? Jerry Rice, who caught 11 passes for a (still standing) Super Bowl record 215 yards. But wait, Montana went 23-36 for a then-Super Bowl record 357 yds, 2 TDs, and 0 INTs. So why not Montana? I'm thinking they pulled a "Chevy donating to the general scholarship fund" and announced the players of the game either before the last drive happened or before it was over. No, I have no proof or rationale. Shut up.
Stupid Stat, part II: This was the first Super Bowl that went into halftime tied (3-3).

4.) Patriots 32, Panthers 29 (2004)
This was a bizarre game all around. The game was scoreless almost until halftime, and then 24 points were scored in the last 3:05 of the second quarter (14-10 Patriots at halftime). Then the third quarter went scoreless, and a whopping 37 (37!?! In a row?) points were scored in the 4th. Jake Delhomme played one of the worst halves in Super Bowl history, then turned around and played one of the best. Mike Vrabel caught a TD pass. Janet Jackson's tit caused a national uproar. And Adam Vinatieri kicked the game-winning field goal, because, as Todd said, Adam Vinatieri kicks game-winning field goals. The fucker.
Signature moment, unfortunately, has to be said field goal by Vinatieri. Although my favorite moment was Muhsin Muhammad's Super Bowl record 85-yd TD catch up the left sideline.
Goofy stat of the game: Time of Possession: New England - 38:58 ; Carolina - 21:02

3.) Broncos 31, Packers 24 (1998)
I wouldn't say that this one was overrated. It was tight the whole way, a classic back-and-forth game, and it was a huge upset, so I don't see how it's overrated. I do agree that "getting Elway his first ring" is a yooge factor in the way this game is perceived in retrospect, though. And you're 100% correct: this was Terrell Davis's game, not Elways'. Elway went 12-22 for 123 yds, 0 TDs, and 1 INT. Davis's line: 30 rushes, 157 yds, 3 TDs. That's why Davis was the game MVP. However...
Signature moment has to go to Elway's "helicopter" dive. I mean, it WAS a big play. It got them a key 1st down inside the 10 late in the game, leading to the go-ahead TD, which was huge because Green Bay got down to the Denver 30 with under a minute left.
Goofy stat of the game: The immortal Mark Chmura became the only player on record to catch a TD pass in the Super Bowl and later be charged with Child Enticement and Statutory Rape by his family's babysitter.
Stat, II: The Broncos' win broke the NFC's streak of THIRTEEN consecutive Super Bowl wins over the AFC.

2.) Rams 23, Titans 16 (2000)
Fantastic, fantastic game. Yeah, I was rooting for Ed-die George's team to pull it out. But man, what a fun game to watch. You had McNair, George, Mason, Faulk, Bruce, Warner, Jesus, Warner's wife, Warner's wife's crew-cut ... what a cast. Kurt Warner broke Montana's afore-mentioned record for passing yards in a single Super Bowl, gunning for 414 yds (while Marhall Faulk inexcusably only carried the ball 10 times. I guess I see where Martz got it...), while the McNair/George duo tried to keep up. Bonus points for spawning the funniest bit that Conan O'Brien ever did. If you don't know ... you'll have to ask. Maybe I'll tell you ... someday.
Signature moment COULD have been Warner's 73-yd TD pass to Isaac Bruce with 1:54 left, and probably would have been for most Super Bowls. But Dids is right: it's gotta be the last play, when ... wait for it ... wait for it ... MIKE JONES (!)(?) stopped Kevin Dyson at the 1-yard line. It's somewhat shocking that everyone remembers that it was Kevin Dyson who got stopped short, but next-to-noone remembers that it was Mike Jones who made the textbook form-tackle, stopping Dyson at the 1:

Goofy stat of the game: Yards gained - First half: St. Louis 294, Tennessee 89 - Second half: Tennessee 278, St. Louis 142.

1.) Giants 20, Bills 19
This is the class of Super Bowls I've seen, as far as I'm concerned. You can't ask for any more, with regard to level of play, contrast of styles, stars involved, big plays, and the "upset" factor. The two teams were incredibly evenly-matched -- considering that they played a very tight game in the regular season, too -- although most prognosticators were picking the Bills (probably because Phil Simms was hurt). This was an efficient, well-played game with zero turnovers. The Giants combatted Buffalo's wide-open, no-huddle style with a pounding, ball-controlling game plan, one of the best in Super Bowl history. Todd's right: it's a shame those great Bills teams of the early 90s are now remembered as losers. This was probably the best team out of those four. Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas (who rushed 15 times for 135 yds in this game), Andre Reed, James Lofton. Great team. But they couldn't match MVP Otis Anderson and QB Jeff Hostetler, probably the last great "athlete with a pornstache" out there. Plus, after sharing a pre-game block of crack with Lawrence Taylor, Whitney Houston delivered what is widely considered to be the most stirring performance of the national anthem ever recorded. What a game.
Signature moment: Well, it wasn't a moment, but the Giants' epic 14-play, 9:30 drive in the third quarter was unreal, and I feel bad for Norwood, so I'm gonna make that my signature moment from this awesome game.
Huh?: Oh, all right. For a single moment within that epic drive, I'm gonna go with Jeff Hostetler's 14-yard completion on 3rd-and-13, where Mark Ingram juked and jiggled and broke tackles to get the first down. There.
Dude, come on: All right, fine. It was Norwood.
Goofy stat of the game: Once again, time of possession, indicative of the Giants' game plan: NYG 40:33, Buffalo 19:27.

There you go, Dids. Fu-out.

The new

Ok, boys and girls with ebloggy still on the DL we've created a new site which you've apparently managed to find. We may or may not revert back to ebloggy when it returns. Nonetheless, there's a lot going on right now with superbowl (aka the TO show), signing day, baseball trades, and I suppose the nba too. We're going to get back to recruiting probably tomorrow after all the signing is over. Since it is superbowl week, I wanted to get the juices flowing with football talk. I like to get the juices flowing with lists. Who doesn't love them?? So, the first debate list for the is going to be the greatest superbowls of all time. I've decided to limit this list to superbowls that we could actually remember. We'll say the espn era. Go.

5) Broncos over Packers (97-98)
Probably the most overrated of all the superbowls since it gave Elway his first title. It still cracks the list at five. This game was fantastic as the Packers were a huge favorite coming into this game. I'd say it was more of a fantastic upset than a super game. However, getting Elway his ring cannot be denied as a huge factor here either. The interesting point here is that the Broncos won because of Terrell Davis and very little to do with Elway. I still think the Packers wanted to lose.
Signature Moment: 300 year old Elway diving and getting spun around in mid-air to pick up a crutial 1st down late in the game. I'm still not sure how he didn't get absolutely crushed by three packers. If this play is done by anyone but Elway, it's long forgotten. Instead, it's THE highlight of that game.

4) 49ers over Bengals (88-89)
I'm still not sure why this superbowl is forgotten so much. Maybe it's because it involved the Bengals. To be honest, I don't remember that much about this one. What I do remember is that the Bengals should have won except that Joe Montana was involved. He just did what he always does and went on a 90-yard two minute drive to win the game. (I don't have the exact stats, but it's close to that) This game cleared up any doubt to who the greatest clutch qb in history is.
Signature Moment: The final TD catch of the game to John Taylor from Montana to wrap it up. Just a fantastic throw and an even better camera angle from the end zone.
Signature Moment number 2: During the game winning drive, Montana decided to break the tension in the huddle by saying, "Isn't that John Candy in the stands? Yes, yes it is."

3) Patriots over Panthers (03-04)
Don't judge a game by it's first half. It was a terrible start for the panthers looking outclassed in every way during the first 30 minutes. The game lived up to it's terribble billing in those first two quarters. However, the panthers came out of the second half on fire. Jake Delhomme turned into the love child of montana and brady to give the best performance by a losing QB in history. A back-and-forth affair, it one of those games I was sad that had to end. Tragically the Patriots won giving more more reason to complain about boston.
Signature Moment: It's what Vinatieri does, he wins games with kicks. And this game was no exception.

2) Giants over Bills (90-91)
I'm still not comfortable discussing this game or even the Bills in general. The early 90s Bills should be considered a dynasty for going to four straight, but instead they're thought of as the greatest chokers in history. This game was the beginning of the end for them. The best bills team of the four should have handled the Giants easily. Instead, Parcells's's's defense shut them down for the most part. One of the greatest offenses in NFL history will simply be remembered as wide right. We all know Scott Norwood owns this signature moment.

1) Rams over Titans (99-00)
There was nothing not to love about this superbowl. A bunch of lovable characters and two teams that rarely make it to the pinnacle. You could have been happy for either side to win. The best final 5 minutes of any football game as the greatest show on turf chucks it around. Isaac Bruce catching an improbable deep ball to put the Rams up for good. Who doesn't love watching Vermiel cry? C'mon!!!
Signature Moment: Bruce did put them up for good, but oh was it close. McNair led the Titans back down the field only to have the final reception (Dyson?) stopped (London Fletcher?) inches away from tying it up as time expired. Every time I've seen the highlight, I think he's going to get in. It's just bizarre that he doesn't.

I expect controversy on this one. Gimme some hate!!

-Dids out

Black Eyed Peas Unite - Let's get it started

It's gotta have text, TEXT!!!

And I'm putting in a picture, so I can put it into my profile.